Wrap - Swan Song

1. So the Poms are really starting to fall apart now...Swan retires at a bad time for the team, but a good time for him. He joins Trott in limbo. Who's next? Tremlett or Finn spitting the dummy after not getting much of a run? Monty telling us he has finally had enough? Cook resigning from the captaincy? The coach, Flower bailing out? Maybe Anderson pulling the pin?

Their trip here has been a debacle. They arrived too early and are now wishing they hadn't.

The only song that Swan will hear is the Nathan Lyon version of 'Beneath The Southern Cross I Stand...'. Lyon had to download the words apparently.

2. Big Bash League. We watch and wonder whether the best players - Mitchell Marsh, Nic Maddinson, Aaron Finch, James Hopes, Luke Pommersbach, Michael Klinger - will ever be selected in T20 Internationals. The comp seems to unfold and then all these others are then selected. The bowlers get smashed. Will it eventually be a game full of spinners? Or part time bowlers who all bat?

How the Poms can't select Alex Hales I would never know. He has the 'X Factor'! "Warneresque"!

Khawaja is officially the worst runner between the wickets in Austrlaian cricket and perhaps the most selfish. Seems lazy and no surprise...unfit and now injured. A very long way from the Australian Test team all of a sudden.

3. Brad Haddin. Has had a great summer, but his 'Plan B' advert on TV does nothing for his profile or personality. Badly advised.

4. The Sydney Thunder are facing off against the Melbourne Heart for the worst domestic team in Australian sport. I think they are in front. Without Warner and Khawaja, Hussey gets a chance to bat on the worst pitch in domestic cricket (Homebush) with Eoin Morgan. Outside of them..not much. That pitch needs surgery, because it is killing cricket's possible success at Stadium Australia.

5. Mark Bosnich is increasingly putting himself up as the legend that he wasn't. I recall him being given opportunities and shooting himself in the rs. He seemed to develop habits other than training that soured his reputation and provided excuses for him not to try to develop his talent. He is incredibly self absorbed. Fancy asking a coach and ex-team mate if he would walk into the boss and say 'I've had enough'. As Aloisi said...'let's check if Bosnich is doing his job properly'. The hair piece says yes, the ballooning weight says no.

6. How about Suarez? $400,000 a week wages from Liverpool in the EPL! Never thought I'd say it, but worth every cent! He definitely won't have to do a James Reyne and do Elivis impersonations or trade off his hits (like Status Quo to Coles) for Puberty Blues!

Wrap - Mike Car

1. The careers of a few Aussie cricketers are in crisis: Chris Rogers is number one, but with a second innings 50, he will stay. Surprisingly agile and strong in the field however. In addition, we have Bailey who needs runs and less silly shots when he has been gifted a tremendous opportunity. I suspect his killer instinct and great record of winning cricket games is helping the camp a lot.

Finally we have Watson who always seems to jag a wicket or two when his batting goes to pot. His lack of fight and steel when batting is what is most troubling. Again, as I have been banging on about for some time, he has never been dropped from the Aussie team (unlike ALL other team members). His character needs a dose of that - at the right time.

Nathan Lyon may need a few wickets too. Key wickets - not tailenders.

2. Those cracks on the WACA pitch are something else. They will need a good 400-450 lead granted South Africa chased down 414 a few years back.

Must say that Craig McDermott takes our bowlers to a new level. He masterminded the 5-0 win over India a few years back too.

2. Western Sydney Wanderers. They bring the closest thing to the EPL to us each week. They are setting the benchmark for every other club. Our league could be something else with that spirit!

3. EPL. This year has been the best for some time. Genuinely open and a real contest for once.

4. Broncos. Someone is about to get ended at that club...Hodges? They seem to have all this money all of a sudden...Milford...Cameron Smith...now Kar-Mike-Hunt. They are agressive in the market place and are realising that privately owned clubs don't like losing. Pressure on Anthony Griffin.

5. Why is it that Stuart struggles to sign and re-sign players? Milford can be added to Folau, et al from Parramatta.

6. Peptides. Are we fair dinkum kidding that Hibbert is the key man in the enquiry? He looks like he has been on too many peptides himself. Farcical.

7. Surfing. Kelly Slater looks like he may well be the best we have seen at any of their sports, closely missing out on a twelfth world title! Mick Fanning has also done well. A third world title is something else. Not bad for a kid from Penrith.

Wrap - Stunning Banter

1. World Cup Soccer. Apparently the Netherlands and Spain are absolutely scared of their group...facing the might of Australia has them on the hop. We will give up at least 10 goals. You have to love that horrified reaction when we give up 5 or 6 goals! Chile are spewing too. What did we expect anyhow? It's the best teams in the world...and we aren't one of them!

2. Mitchell Johnson's turnaround has been stunning. His banter has escalated rapidly with his success. The real success story however has been Michael Clarke - and Brad Haddin. Both have brought a steel and resilience to the team under Lehmann's leadership. This has set the scene.

3. What if weather ruins our chances in Adelaide and it is a draw? Would 0-1 worry England? 0-2 would trouble them going into Perth. We have a history of getting really close to South Africa and the Windies in Adelaide...and it all coming unstuck.

Warner's second innings of 83no was quite exceptional. When he bats sensibly he is eerily more menacing.

4. Trevor Bayliss. He has been monumental this year in turning around the NSW Shield team. His influence has been incredible really. They are two wins shy of a finals birth...and well placed v South Australia at present.

5. Moyes. His future at Man United is looking dodgy. He needs some wins. The lack of goals is the really worrying thing for them...and losing games at home. Something once thought to be impossible.

6. Russell Packer. No contract registered? Who cares. A bloke the game may well be better off without.

7. A Rugby - Rugby League hybrid game? Someone is short on cash. How ridiculous.

Wrap - Summer Loving

1. Dave Warner will be an interesting study this week. I suspect his retraction and back down will be part of a mini slump, but he is a street fighter and will bounce back. A goose mind you, but a fighter. He is used to the on field stoush, but the media will mark him hard. Difficult to believe that the Aussies will go silent.

I mentioned some weeks back that the Poms arrived too early and will self destruct in time. Act One. What of the ridiculous food demands being made...an arrogance they better iron out quickly.

Not sure if you missed it, but James Pattinson returned to club cricket this weekend which is a huge bonus for the Aussies. Peter Siddle needs to collect wickets. His lack of strike at the minute reminds me of Gillespie in his last days.

2. The Australian World Cup RL Winners. That Brett Morris is some sort of athlete. A great performance by that team. Possibly one of the best ever. Jarryd Hayne running wide in the centres and making busts was heartening. What about those in-goal areas...too slippery and ridiculous really.

Thurston, Lockyer and Lewis are the best we have seen in the five eight role. He is a certain IMMORTAL.

Can Cameron Smith win anything else? He has more silverware than the Pope. Starts to make sense when he looks at big cash in Brisbane and a return home...a premiership with another club...there's a novelty.

3. Wallabies. An excellent campaign in the end. Only loss to England in a tight one. They could have had a record otherwise. Quayde Cooper is as popular as a parking fine. However he has aimed up. Nice to see a team where discipline is a priority.

4. Did anyone catch the Michael Schumacher commentary on Webber-Vettel? Real, but harsh. Fair enough. Two men, similar machines, one wins a world record of F1 races. Who is better?

5. Gotta love a good Youtube clip with a drunken footballer or two...king hits, DUI, abuse, public urination, broken jaws...useless club CEO's trying to cover up things...counsellors scurrying for their clipboards...How about the lard rs old man AFL and ex player serving it up to the reporters? Outstanding class. Can the code de-register players immediately? Unti lthen, it will all continue...

6. When are Arsenal going to fall over? Can it last? Sydney FC powering on too. Hope springs eternal.

7. Rory was outstanding. Gotta love the name of that trophy - The Stonehaven Cup. It sounds VERY, VERY important.

Adam Scott though is shooting the lights out of everything. A rich vein of form...! Here's hoping the green jacket can be a two-peat.

When will a different coloured jacket make its way to each major winner? Hawkie's one he wore after Australia II won the America's Cup victory could be that used for the Australian Open Golf winner in future years.

Wrap - Sheer Pace

1. Well half right. Johnson was sensational - albeit a bit short at times. Watson did not last to lunch at all. Johnson was almost better with the bat at key times and seems to bowl well after getting runs. Must say that Johnson bowled at pace. No batsman likes that. An interesting point made by Glenn McGrath about Johnson being the only bowler with invisible foot marks on the turf. Fred Astaire.
Haddin unlucky not to be MOTM. His two bats were superb under pressure. His keeping was excellent too. Fiftieth Test and a great performance. Johnson terrorised the Poms. How we love that!

The Clarke innings was majestic. He was courageous and true. Blistering and surgeon like. His record is better than Tendulkar's. I liked the inclusion of Bailey who provided experience and a good set of hands. Steve Smith's hands were solid too. Chris Rogers was our worst. He scratched around and did nothing much.

I notice Marcus North is making a shed load of runs. Perhaps one of the younger openers around the traps would do the job. This Jordan Silk is the next choice. Penrith boy. In for Rogers.

2. Warner. A good ton, but still too chirpy. It's a long series and one ton does not a legend make! He could fall apart and be sacked by series end. It is that sort of series. His lack of discipline and discretion is cringe worthy.

3. Despite the off field shennanigans, the Wallabies are looking stronger. Folau looks tremendous. One of the more successful Spring tours of recent years. Easier than playing Southern Hemisphere teams! Shame about the England Test looking back.

4. 64-0 in a semi. Terrible from Fiji. Australia v NZ will be tighter hopefully. Thurston is the difference. The SBW factor will matter. Sean Johnson would be a good buy for any club. He is a tough and smart player.

5. Webber retires this week - and guess who is on pole position...Vetell. Vetell has some sort of record...perhaps the best ever for a F1 season. Webber will at least hold that story to tell.

6. Jason Day. Some sort of victory - and a World Cup win. The worst World Cup in Australian sport clearly...cricket, rugby, league....but golf?

7. The Louis Suarez goal in the Merseyside showdown...just outstanding. The EPL needs to hot up and is starting to achieve this.

8. Noticed GWS signed another young up and coming legend in the AFL draft. One day they will be strong...just hope the club still exists by the time it rolls around.

Wrap - A Tomahawk To The Useless Headbands

1. Is it just me or is the Rugby League World Cup dragging on and on? The farce that it is I am sure is building the game in the USA as they rush to sign up with the Tomahawks! On the old 1982 - 1986 Kangaroo Tours, there were multiple games a week - maybe two, sometimes three and they all survived. A few of our current players must have arse ache from sitting around too long. Get the final over with please before the players all biff each other and self destruct! Tim Sheens has the personality of Wayne Swan and as many excuses.

Billy Slater's poor behaviour and attitude at times is starting to catch up with him.

2. Sachin...Sachin...not sure if you caught it but I watched his half hour final speech. His grace and eloquence was stunning and he is one of the true greats. As my son pointed out though...we might beat them now, but I don't recall he played any role in the recent ODI series and we still lost.

Comic scenes in true Bollywood style as the usual array of self important fat blokes with glasses line up to give oversized cheques and obscene and useless trophies to blokes who could buy and sell them. Always love the hanger on in an Indian press conference, in the background, near the melee...how they love a kerfuffle and a schemozzle in those parts!

3. Can anyone see it already: Johnson steaming in on the Gabba...first over...short pitched...4 wides Harmiston style. He is loose and if our hopes hang on him...we are in trouble. Clive Palmer in politics offers the same hope. However it is good to see Craig McDermott there again. He has a bit of steel. I cannot get excited about our chances. Can Watson last to lunch in any test?

4. Adam Scott. Brilliant and so far ahead of all others it is ridiculous. Triple crown well in sight.

5. Sebastian Vetell. He has done it again...edged out Webber for pole position in the USA F1 GP. Webber remains the ball boy...not the player again. Albeit a very rich one.

6. Wallabies. Looking a lot better and a grand win really v Ireland. Great to see the headband (black tape on white cloth bandage) has made a comeback from the days of club rugby eg Steve Cutler (Hooper and the hairbear winger, Cummins). Haven't seen one since Nathan Bracken retired.

7. I love a good drugs in sport excuse and lazy cheating Jamacian sprinters are starting to provide them...the missus gave me the wrong supplements...too much sex...coach was to blame...bad toothpaste...mum's diaretic...get the World Arbitration of Sport mob back to work.

Wrap - Ashes Countdown

1. Ashes First Test team. After much consternation I've named it with Warner shadowing an ailing (and yet to be dropped on his head from the team) Watson. Like this Chad Sayers who got another swag of wickets. The crock of numbnuts who we have injured at present (Starc, Pattinson, Hazelwood, Cummins, Bollinger et al) seem to lose the toughness when they make the national team.

Somehow when they are knocking on the door for selection, they are bowling every day and busting a gut. Once they make the team, they put the cue in the rack!

How does that work? Noticed they are having a bowling coaches conference this week...hope they do their homework.

Never thought I'd ever say it, but Cameron 'The Croc' White may well come into the team at No.6. Has been in blistering form, but there is much to like about a resilient and tough George Bailey. Hope he - like Clarke - has been working on the short pitched bowling. No room for Faulkner yet. Hughes no certainty for mine. I can't be confident with Johnson..in fact not sure why he will be picked, but he will...too loose and has no delivery that swings into the right handed batsman. Why not? I saw it once in South Africa I think.

1. Rogers
2. Watson
3. Hughes*
4. Clarke
5. Smith
6. Bailey/ White
7. Haddin
8. Johnson*
9. Siddle
10. Harris
11. Lyon
12. Warner
13. Sayers

I wonder if Ponting has sold enough books yet? Remind me why he is so unpopular with the general public again...

2. Wallabies. They like playing Italy...it's the other ten nations which trouble us. Folau needs to step up against some of the tough nations. McKenzie is flirting with danger swapping captains and making some crazy calls. Postocoglou will be similar. Lucas Neill has to go first up.

On the other hand, New Zealand must have won every single comp and trophy worldwide. When did they last lose? Unstoppable.

3. RWC. How good are the Cameron Smith's, Slaters and Cronks when it gets tough and cold?  It looked REAL cold v Ireland. They profit from living in Melbourne in those conditions. NZ will be hard to beat with their familiarity of the wet and cold conditions. We need a bit more creativity in attack. Fifita will be tough, but Thurston is critical to our success. The flat rocket pass is deadly in these parts.

Look for an Italy upset over Tonga tonight. Winner v NZ!

4. Golf. Adam Scott is a class act. Struggle to cope with his voice, but he can play. Good touch re the green jacket. Pitty the US brat didn't acknowledge it.

5. Tennis. Nadal will end the year as Number 1. He is an absolute machine. Injury riddled, but a competitor like no other. Federer is hanging tough at present. He is a legend and is still mixing it with the best, although his star is fading.

6. Liverpool's juggernaut keeps rolling on. 4-0. Suarez could just about bring them a trophy. ManU starting to hit their straps now....look out!

Wrap - Second Best Is Not Good Enough

1. World Cup Rugby League. Great gig being a good player in the minnows at present. An NRL contract could be headed your way. Lots to play for. I can only think that Thurston and Cameron Smith will be immortals. Not sure about Slater...there have been a lot of fullbacks in the frame before.

2. Wallabies. Can there be anymore excuses? Obstruction...injuries...The appointment of Cooper as the vice captain is extraordinary. Ewan McKenzie's reign has been highly unimpressive to date. He may be in the frame for the sack before we think...especially with a dreadful European tour.

3. Shane Watson. Pulls up lame again and is the target of derision and abuse by the opposition. Thank goodness his wife loves him.

India just too good. Those pitches are something else. Flatter than an New Year's Eve party in Afghanistan. James Faulkner has rocketed into the frame. He may be our next all rounder of note. He has a competitive edge that many others do not.

I am very concerned about Johnson coming home to play in the Ashes. He is unreliable, still cannot bring the ball into the right hander. He has attitude and too many tats. We are in trouble. Chad Sayers?

4. Mark Webber pole position to equal Sir Jack. Vettel in his pocket next to him. Guess who will win it?

5. Loving the EPL this year with ManU on the slide...lots of other clubs looking solid. Arsenal the best hope. Finally it is a more even competition.

6. So the Boston Red Sox get up in the World Series baseball. The bird was smothered. You read it here...hopefully you cleaned up!

7. Melbourne Cup. I like Dear Demi and a trifecta of 22, 10, 6. Happy punting!

Wrap - Grubs and Dodgem Cars

1. Cricket. Clarke and Ponting. You can tell what's wrong with Australian cricket when the captain rats on the v/c in his tell all book? Ponting should know better. Ricky selling books is a bit sad. Must be missing that extra five million or so he earned each year. Is Ricky's book high on anyone's Christmas list? Much admired as a player - not so as a bloke. Smiles like a toll collector.

2. Warner finally hitting the straps. Candace Falzon has had more sportstar boyfriends than Tommy Carroll has had police search warrants. Ben Cutting could be a weapon for us in the shorter forms of the game. He can hit the ball. For a bowler, he is a better bat than a bowler unfortunately.

Why have the Poms arrived so early? They will hate each other by the time November starts. Our only hope.

3. Jonathan Thurston. The best in the world without peer. Forget Cronk, Slater and Inglis. Thurston produces in every big game. He is a winner, but may never win another premiership at the Cowboys (won one at the Bulldogs). Small, but the craftiest and toughest.

4. Italian rugby league team going great guns. Most surnames end in 'o'. Struggling to see how Kade Snowden fits in. The only link is he must love pasta.

4. Sam Burgess. Perhaps the dirtiest player in the past ten years. Has had a falling out with James Graham who is the ear biter and mad Monday slagger...grubs. I noticed that Lee Mossop is coming to Parra fresh from drug matters in the past. One thing for certain is that Shakespeare is safe.

5. Sydney FC v Western Sydney Wanderers. Crowd is unbelievable. The A League is lapping other sports in Australia. Ange Postocoglou's appointment was as predicatble as his sense of humour. Ange could be one of Australia's most boring sport entities.

6. Mundine v Shane Moseley. A crooked world of much disgrace. Anyone surprised? Jeff fenech looks like a heavyweight these day. Dropping $500K sounds like another unique story for A Current Affair...rich sportstar falling on bad times.

7. F1. Vetell. On fire. Soon to be crowned a four time world champion. He's got the same car as Webber, but his seems to be broken. It's like whinging about your dodgem car at the Easter Show....skill of the driver helps.

8. EPL. Arsenal looks good. They seem to have spirit. Great to see a few new teams at the top. Southampton are doing surprisingly well.

9. St Louis Cardinals in the box seat in the World Series. Tight stuff, but they have been the better team in the last two. Boston not done yet however. Birds can die if smothered by a red sock.

Wrap - Spirit in the Sox

Boys,

1. Ange Postocoglou. Not sure he is the man for the Socceroos job. To me he seems surly and confrontational, eye contact is rare and he sulks to the media. In fact, on second thoughts he seems perfectly suited.

2. Wallabies. Apparently they are getting better in case you have not noticed. Still leaking far too many points for mine. They play like Toyota Cup players - hardly world beaters. Mackenzie has not had an impressive start.

3. George Bailey. He has a refreshing view on cricket and seems to be working brillinatly along side Lehmann. There seems to be a lot of old time aggression and strategic thinking emerging.   All of this with no Clarke? Perhaps that tells us something. Surely Bailey - maybe even Voges - should be in our Test middle order. Both add experience and brains. Their play under pressure in recent weeks has been gold. Warnie loves Faulkner as he is a strong competitior. Must say that Ishant Sharma is getting dreadful.

Dave Warner is now starting to get runs. Finally. Noticing that Cameron White has started to hit the ball finally too. Lyon was getting hit onto Miller Street as well. North Sydney Oval may just be a banned venue soon - too many huge scores and ridiculous inflated averages.

4. A-League. The crowds are massive. It is fast becoming a more attended and more watched game than all others in Sydney. Sydney FC however are appalling. Frank Farina has the Greg Chappell touch. Everything he touches turns to mud.

5. Josh Papalli. Should he be in the Australian team? Will not play. I get a smell of the goose about him.

6. Boston Red Sox v St Louis Cardinals MLB. Great World Series (at least from two parts of the world) coming up. The bearded Boston team have spirit and enterprise. They will be hard to toss for mine. The Grand Slam to surge ahead in the key moment v Detroit at Fenway was pretty special.

7. Australian Moto GP. As popular as cancer of the anus without an Aussie there. Surely Stoner will make a comeback soon. What a joke that the tyres would not work on the new surface. Dreadful. Amateur Hour.

8. David Moyes - ManU. The axe may be hovering. He seems a weaker character than Sir Alex and may have trouble managing the egos. This year's EPL may be the most open for some time. Liverpool and Arsenal look great. Chelsea will be there too with Jose M getting them into shape. Much more entertaining when a few teams are in the mix.

Wrap - Hopeless Holger

1. Socceroos - or Footballroos. Could go down as the lowest ebb in Australian soccer history after a successive 6-0 losses. Gotta say that France can play - as can Brazil - but clearly the players have had enough of Holger. They folded in order to get rid of the coach. No risk. We will be the country everyone will want to share a pool with - automatic victory. Talk of GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS returning are surely wide of the mark. To get a coach at this stage means they are unemployed. Are we going to the well once too often? Time to sack a few players too.

2. V8's. Is it just me or has the shine been taken off Bathurst in recent years? Are they really busting a gut to win it, or is it part of the program and just about the points and placings? Bring back Gary Wilkinson for the start of the race. Well done to 'Frosty' Winterbottom.

3. Vetell must enjoy beating Webber. He seems to have him covered all the time. No matter what Webber does, he will trump him. Webber's pole position in Japan equals Brabham's all time pole position record. Who was the better driver?

4. Warner. Smacked soundly with the fluffy end of the feather duster - the same one Shane Watson has had inflicted upon him. Warner's runs have dried up like last night's fish and chips.

5. SBW. Great guy...great inspiration...great role model...but get your calendar and commitments right. Would anyone be surprised if he reversed his decision to play at the Roosters?

6. Sam Stosur has won the Japanese Open. Apparently there were no three setters, no pressure was allowed and no players in the world top ten except her were allowed entry into the tournament.

7. Rugby League World Cup. Bring on the minnows!

8. MLB. St Louis and Detroit? Or will the Red Sox muscle up and reverse their tame start? Action every day - golden time of the year.

Wrap - Put The Roosters On The Field, They'll Show You How To Play

1. So the Roosters have done it. You don't often say this, but Manly fell in a heap. 18-8 up and a cave in. However, definitely one of the better Grand Finals in recent years. Comebacks in the GF are rare. SBW was sensational in the second half...rocks in first half. When was the last time Minichello made an error? Tough performance by SKD with a broken jaw. Maloney's defence was tremendous again. Sam MOA has the best name in the NRL. Mowerman.

"The red white and bluesters...the Eastern Suburbs team....."

Manly continue to amaze with their strike rate as a club. Not a lot of tears when they lose as a result.

 2. Gotta say that the pre match entertainment was - for the first time - Super Bowlesque. It was more professional than any other year. It all starts with the stage. It was actually quite professional. Jessica Mauboy was done to death however. Status Quo have signed on for next year. Surely you could ressurect some old unprolific types to play a few tunes...John Cougar Mellancamp couldn't be doing much at present. ELO...Simply Red...Van Morrison..1927...Margaret Urlich and The Cockroaches...Maybe even Bruce Hornsby and the Range.

3. Dave Warner. He is starting to get that James O'Connor smell about him. Too much money and too little success...or respect. One thing is for sure, Candace Falzon will make you a better athlete once she fades from the scene.

Can anyone believe we have the Ryobi Cup all in NSW? Power tool sales must be slow in the other states.

4. Wallabies. On fire against a mightily disappointing Argentina. Very hard to get too excited about a game which didn't matter. It looked like the Springboks and All Blacks were playing a different game. Phar Lap and Raddish.

5. Clarke's back always gets worse when he spends too much time at home. Shagger's back. talk of retirement keeps rising. George Bailey will be a great addition to the middle order. Sensible, responsible and knows how to win.

6. AFL. Buddy Franklin. Swans will need all the help possible. They are on old and ageing legs. Tippett must be feeling nervous.

7. Liverpool FC look sharp this year. They have energy and could be a hot tip. Sturridge and Suarez are in sensational form. They look slick. Chelsea don't. Tottenham have fallen in a hole too.

8. Did anyone catch Shane Watson's worst ever delivery? We've seen it in his running between the wickets, his shot selections and now....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QurjImrVEvE

Wrap - NRL Grand Final Special - Manly Dead Certs

1. Things I'd like to see at this year's NRL Grand Final:

a. The lap of honour of the winning team in the losing team's jersey.
b. The release of the pre game net of balloons in the team colours.
c. The comeback of the streamers...one free set with every footy double sold!
c. The big eel.
d. The parachutists with the colours of the teams out the back of the ankles.
e. The players introduced by John Brennan when they run on...eg. "He's big, his bustling, he's unbelievable...he's none other than...big Eric Grooooothe!"
f. The police band at half time.
g. Reserve Grade.
h. Thin Lizzy singing "The Boys Are Back In Town" as the anthem....
i. 3.00pm GF start time.
j. 100 metre sprints in the team jumpers from lower grade players at half time.
k. Coloured donut and cup cake stories on the Friday night news from the local bakery in Dee Why and Clovelly.

2. NRL. Is it beyond the pale to insist that in rugby league, a few rule changes are required:
i. "On report" = a sin binning. Otherwise don't go there.
ii. Kicking the ball dead is the opposition's ball from where it was kicked (minimum 25 metre line - maximum from wherever it is kicked). No matter how far out. The defending team is penalised massively.
iii. No cannon ball tackle. Two tacklers max. in a tackle?
iv. One on one tackle needs to become more of a weapon when in 'attacking' defensive positions. It should be encouraged. Gladatorial.
v. The referee's should be given audio EXACTLY like that in the NFL. We should get a CLEAR announcement over the ground PA. It should be deliberate and authoritative.

3.  Manly's cheergirls have been consistently the best in the comp over many years. This is a reflection of the team's form over that time too. Being dead certs is an interesting turn around. After the loss to the Roosters, I mentioned they could still well win the thing. The clash of Foran-Cherry Evans and Maloney-Pearce will determine it. They both ran laps around their opponents, taking on the line and putting the opposition to the sword. Their collective running games are massive! Sonny-Bill is the difference. Never thought I'd say it. Give him the Clive Churchill medal now.

4. Richie Fa'aoso is a maniac. He has no sense of self preservation and now has another broken neck. I would not have in my GF squad, for all his toughness, because coming off the bench he rarely lasts a full game without a terrible injury. He has had more clubs than Jack Nickilaus (Panthers, Easts, Parramatta, Newcastle, Storm Warriors). The only bloke close to him is John 'It Wasn't me' Elias - Newtown, Souths, Bulldogs, Wests, Easts, Balmain. By contrast, John is a remarkable survivor.

5. Is it time to restructure the comp. Horner-McCallum Draft Model:

• Two conferences (Sydney: Cronulla, Bulldogs, Souths, Easts, Manly, Parramatta, Penrith, Tigers and Ex-Sydney: Warriors, Canberra, Saints, Newcastle, Brisbane, North QLD, Gold Coast, Melbourne).
• All teams play each team in their conference twice (14 weeks). The other conference once (7 weeks).
• Three stand alone SOO weeks (3 weeks)
• Top EIGHT remains. Top three from both conferences in semis (6 teams). Plus best other team (either conference). Then a play off for the eighth/ seventh position from next two best teams.

Surely we then see more purposeful play and more intense footy.

6. Did anyone choke on their ten cent pieces when they read how the JJ Giltnan Shield earns the minor premiership winning club $100K? This has not gone up since John Brass and John Peard carried it the year they won the Craven Mild Pre Season Cup.

7. Hawthorn. At long last, despite giving Freo numerous chances to win the thing. Love a rendition of 'Up There Cazaly'.

8. ManU are in a big spot of bother. Losing to West Brom gets fans upset! Moyes will come under the microscope. Scholes and Giggs are the keys to that team. Retirements hurt.

9. Great win in the America's Cup by Oracle. Looks like fun, but how tough would that gig be day in day out?

9. How about Warnie hitting 71 around St Andrew's? Not bad for a professional punter and part time commentator. Obviously has some good practice time on his hands. According to Liz, there may be more...

Wrap - Bad Brand

1. The Knights have been mighty impressive over the last few weeks - especially without Kurt Gidley. That Beau Scott is the best forward in the game - outside Fifita. He is superb - tough fit and emphatic as a leader. Melbourne were immensely disappointing...that salary cap is an awful thing!

Hard to believe the Henny Penny Knights can beat the Roosters who were immense v Manly. However, the Roosters have surprised this year with appalling losses amidst sensational victories. Buderus, Jeremy Smith, Nev Costigan and Willie Mason have led the way. Bennet is classy this time of year. The Knights have over-achieved big time. Hopefully Mullen's kicking game will need to improve. That Kevin Niquama needs to find a decent club opportunity - so does the Manly fullback, Hiku. Two easy signings for a decent club. Parramatta need not apply.

2. If Brian Smith comes back to Parramatta, they can just about shut the doors and become a rugby club. Fancy bringing Ray Price and Brett Kenney in as coaches? The joint would just about fall to pieces. If that is possible. Whatever happened to the bloke who went to Cronulla and caused mayhem there in the office? He should return...that or John Ribot? How's the Melbourne salary cap nightmare mastermind going...Waldron...maybe he's available.

3. Freo. Belted a surprisingly timid Swans. They are spent. And now Roos is stealing juniors to go to Melbourne. Now is that d___head policy applying to ex coaches - or only players? Hawthorn you'd think will blitz them. They are firm and justifiable favourites but have a habit of finding a way to lose under pressure.

4. So it was all Mike Hussey's fault with Clarke. He is such a nice guy, but does anyone seriously believe it? The backroom brawling is just so exhausting...It would be nice to see a few blokes start getting some runs instead and we can all keep moving. Cricket is under pressure in our country as it - like rugby - struggles  to remain relevant. Time poor parents are walking away and the hit and giggle stuff reflects that attitude. Have fun...even if you learn nothing and get smashed. The modern way of parenting.

5. James O'Connor. A bigger goose is only found somewhere between Josh Dugan and Blake Ferguson. Good riddance and don't come back. His talent is replaceable. His attitude and arrogance has been deplorable. The NZ coach, Deans has a lot to explain here.

6. Missing a big outburst from Alex Ferguson - or Morhinou..the EPL seems to be too tame at present. A few minnows are aiming up...but great to see Liverpool there and thereabouts. A different jersey or two is refreshing.

I'm noticing the Sydney FC build up is similar to last year - losing everything including pride and resolve under pressure. A mid comp return will be the best they will achieve. Del Pierro does not win you comps.

7. Is it too much to suggest that if the DRS is not used - or goalline technology, it is easier to influence the results of games?

8. Looking forward to the demise of Sepp Blatter. The Bloater could not have his nose in the trough more frequently than what this 'Guitar' fiasco is revealing. By moving it from Qatar, they'll definitely save on stretcher costs.

Wrap - Getting Over Ricky Stuart

1. Ricky Stuart. He has followed the cash since Super league. In fact I distinctly remember him coming out of Phillip St headquarters negotiations saying that "I have to do the best for Ricky Stuart". Ego and angry ant. His loss of the players at Parramatta was in the scorelines...50+ scores show a disrespect for each other and the coach. This is Ricky's humiliation. He has a great art of blaming everyone else all the time....the Board, the officials, the refs, Daniel Anderson, the salary cap, the next half back, the lack of a CEO, the ...on it goes.

At no stage does he ever say that 'I could do a better job'. Really, he has been an abject failure at Parramatta. Lots of ideas that have been half baked and half rsed. Sure, his daughter is in need of care...and he loves Canberra more than your local polly. Canberra are making a huge error and he will be tossed from there too. He has little regard for Dave Furner too. His denials and lies to the media are a bit hard to cop.

His career is at the crossroads.

And what about the claptrap that he is a good coach of great players. This is a cop out. What coach isn't?

Stuart fired up about Sterlo seeking an explanation, citing his generous insight into Parramatta - behind the scenes for Sterlo's show on Fox. That was early in the season and at the time I wrote how poor Stuart's manner and spirit was. His connection with the players was very poor. In the end it was the same too. No Mad Monday? Joke.

Jason Taylor will be next as this will keep Hayne at the club. Simple.

2. Manly were very impressive despite the loss. They may just lap Cronulla and kick on. In fact Manly may well both be a Grand Finalist. The Roosters...defence was awesome. The game's physicality is becoming ridiculously strong. The head knocks and concussions are worse now than at any other stage in the game's history. Was it tougher than State of Origin as a game? I think so.

The Bulldogs poor discipline hurt them a lot today. I wonder if they have learned anything from last year's Mad Monday fiasco.

3. Rugby League refs. No one counting the tackles(?). Seven tackle fiascos bring back memories of Hartley. The refs seem too keen on equalling up the penalty count, learning players' names and even taking a fair bit of the limelight themselves. They need to chill out and remove themselves from the drama/ Cool heads.

The SFS time keeping debacle was laughable. The SFS-SCG continues its amateur record - skydivers hitting the roof of the stadium...Optus TV collapse...nails left on the field after 'Rip Rip Woodchip...'.

When a re we going to lead the way and make it an instant twenty metre penalty for arguing with a referee? We're getting that European Soccer feel. The fifty metre penalty in AFL works.

4. The crowds for the rugby league final on Friday night (21K) and Saturday night's double header (32K) were appalling really. The whole marketing of the game is terrible. No one knew if buses were running, what games were on when...Surely there are lessons to learn from the NFL in the States. How do we bring the game out of the amateur ranks with advertising, marketing and 'spectacle'?

At the moment it is a cash grab only.

5. Wallabies. The crowd at the game rivalled a club game. Sur eit was wet, but no wonder the WACA has been stripped of its Test match cricket status. The national rugby team has become farcical. We would struggle to beat Tonga at present. These new scrum rules are a joke too. Throw in the obligatory pathetic ref and you have a code that is meaningless to most Australian sport fans.

6. ODI v England. Is the ODI game becoming irrelevant? Our lack of success as a nation is hurting that sport big time. Perhaps time to consider Voges and Bailey in our test team? Whoever makes runs in our domestic competition will clean up. Bailey has been outstanding. We could do worse than throw in Mckay into our Test team too. Last time he was injured?

7. Swans. Resounding and Geelong way too good. Can't see Hawthorn losing. Freo will be tough at home too.

8. How about the scandal involving the Southern Stars soccer match fixing story from Melbourne? How desperate for a quid are people? I am seriously concerned that my Over 40's Sunday cricket comp which starts in a fortnight will be targeted as well. How will we cope whilst rolling on the turf in laughter?

Surprisingly, the sun will come up tomorrow.

Wrap - VB - Very Bloody Ordinary

1. Andrew Johns. Pashing Bill Peden in a pub. Now we've all done some dumb things but that is right out there. An immortal - every inch. What is wrong with this bloke? He is the latest Human Headline. Move over man Mundine. He must be back on the funny stuff behaving like that. What's his next trick?

What the hell is wrong with Bill Peden? Has he said anything to explain - or is it all a new phase of bromance. Or is it new age and like a handshake these days? Would not have happened at Stallions or The Pit. Have you ever been that pissed?

2. The Brothers Burgess. Not since Bluey, Rudi and Terry Zarzoff and the Meoff brothers - Paul and Jack has there been a story done to death more than the Burgess brothers. Sam is a grub unfortunately (squirrel grips, high shots, gouging...). George is mad and the twins just shake their heads. Larry, Mo, Curly, Huey, Louie and Dewie Burgess are all over us. The mum is a lovely lady...who also played women's rugby league. Mrs B would be embarrassed however

In sport, the tougher the mum, the better the player. Apply that test to a few you know. It is true.

3. Are we kidding on the world stage as football contenders at the World Cup? We are absolute MINNOWS! Simple as that. Brazil dusted us up 6-0 and we were lucky they did not get to 10-0! We are fodder and are lucky to be there.

4. Link McKenzie is going to have to lift. The Wallabies are travelling worse than expected here really. He is not endearing himself pretending we are all OK. Will the Pumas pump us? Probably.

5. Is VB out of date anyhow? Maybe Fawad Ahmad is doing us all a favour. Half the team play like they are on the drink so it may just be best to retire the brand anyhow. Waiting for the first betting company to push for inclusion on our national team shirt.

6. As predicted, Stuart is gone. Is it too obvious that Ricky Stuart is going? The players don't care. He has left the joint in disarray. Contracts unresolved...not a big name signing in sight...Their defence is horrible. Far too many indians - and NO chief. How good was Hindmarsh really? He papered over a lot and now they lose each week by 50. They lost every away game this year. Terrible.

They should all have to come on Grand Final Day to receive their spoon on the dias. I hope Brohman has retrieved the oversized spoon from the Roosters and can deliver it there this week. Humiliation!

This may be unpopular to say, but Sandow should be sacked and helped. The Club is being held to ransom and needs a playmaker.

7. Liking Manly and Roosters for the premiership. Did Manly tank today v Penrith for a different game? Sounds dumb, but it mattered.

8. Hawthorn are AFL specials. Swans gone. Like Freo's effort away at the Geelong graveyard and what a delight to see the back of Collingwood! Port Power made a super effort. Malthouse was also put out of his misery as well. A great win really and Swans will be nervous.

9. Get on Djokovic and Williams for the double at the tennis. Serena is the best we have seen.

10. Blake Ferguson. Is there a more boring story in world sport?

Wrap - Hird Should Not be Heard

1. Dave Warner. The writing is on the wall. Dropped from the one day squad and sent packing. His form has been terrible. Millionaire shots and little penalty - or punishment - for his loose behaviour on and off the field. Shane Watson should be next, but he seems untouchable. That or he will retire in protest.

2. Lleyton Hewitt. By comparison, this bloke fights and scraps against all odds every time he plays on the big stage. He may be the last of our true champions for some time. Federer is a legend - he powers on regardless.

3. Blake Ferguson. He is as popular as a road toll - or an old election candidate sign. His lack of concern for his teammates and everyone else makes him damaged goods. Watch for a move to French Rugby. 'The Man' Mundine has been made to look silly (sillier).

4. Speaking of which, as mentioned last week, Ricky Stuart looks shaky and with it, Will Hopoate will go too? Can anything else happen at that poisonous club. It started for me this year at the presentation of the Parramatta All Schools Knockout this year. Up in the old 'Kicks', they cut back on party pies this year, eliminating all food, gave the kids a cheap cap (when other clubs provide socks and shorts) and then asked the winning schools to engrave the trophies themselves! Joke.

5. Cowboys are looking good things for a top eight spot. Titans tough, Knights will struggle without Gidley, Warriors brilliant...and Manly suddenly much, much better. Souths have not got the cattle in the backs for mine. Canberra have hit rock bottom.

6. Can anyone explain why Essendon were placed 9th after cheating the system and corrupting the health of players? How about last place? James Hird gets a twelve month ban? Should have been twelve years. Typical of the Demetriou era of softness on drugs, the code has suddenly been sullied by this disgrace. Demetriou has the biggest carpet in world sport to sweep it all under...what drug crisis?

7. Noticed Carlton made the top eight. Maybe Malthouse might crack a smile

8. Loving the darts!

Wrap - England Have The Wood On Us

1. Well the Ashes series has ended with a whimper and it is clear England have some doubts about their own ability to sweep the series. A bit like their EPL mentality. A draw is better than a loss, seemingly. This will assist the Aussies as they lick their wounds and reminisce.

We need to pay homage to Graeme Wood at this point and welcome Shane Watson to the Graeme Wood school of salvaging a career out of a series demise, by scoring heavilly in dead rubbers and final tests in a series. Watson has already been to Wood's Running Between The Wickets Academy, so this is a natural extension. Where was some of that resolve earlier in the series?

2. The work of Ryan Harris (22 wkts at 20.40) has been tremendous. Haddin has bounced back and been strong behind the stumps. Steve Smith (42.25 avg) has stood up under pressure. Clarke (44.12), Rogers (40.77), Lyon were OK. Rogers cannot play Swan. Siddle (17 at 29.70) glimpses of good but not enough. Starc inconsistent. Agar an amazing batting effort, but forgettable with the ball. Watson (43.55) recovered. Warner, Hughes ummm....Kahwaja is a long way back.

A. Did you know that Hughes averaged more than Cook AND Trott?
B. Did you know Agar scored more runs in the series than Warner?

Clarke has been exposed by Stuart Broad something terrible. Clarke has looked like a rank amateur batting and cannot handle his bouncer. He must be thankful that he did not play against Holding, Garner, Ambrose et al.

3. The series has improved from the cheating with the DRS and the dumb umpiring. However whenever Australia has done well, England have stonewalled. Their negativity will be the undoing of them eventually. At the moment it is frustrating Australia. I would have thought that Pietersen is not the bloke you try and sledge.

4. Ricky Stuart is starting to set too many records at Parramatta. 4-64 is a disgrace. However I am sure Ricky was able to say at the post game press conference that he felt there were a few positives coming out of the game for them and the upside was that Melbourne did not get to 70. How woeful. I hope he sacks a few more yet. His own sacking might be sooner than he thinks too.

Need to tell you that I made a bet with kids at school that six Parramatta wins for the whole season and I owed them a case of Coca Cola. I'm home.

5. Wallabies. I am officially sick of the joke that rugby has become. Seeing bays full of vacant seats at Stadium Australia at a Bledisloe only reflects the general feeling about the game itself. Not the team, the game. Again we see a terrible ref plucked to weave his special brand of mediocrity.

6. AFL. Swans are up and down like a fiddler's elbow. Collingwood impressive in pressure situations. Is anyone tiring of Mick Malthouse? His complaining is exhausting.

7. Warnie. His spray of Steve Waugh was intriguing. Great to see he has gotten over his disappointment all those years ago in the Windies when Lara was smashing him everwhere.

8. Manly, Roosters, Souths and Melbourne...forget about the rest, but watch out for the Cowboys...

Wrap - Cashes and Ashes

1. The tour match v Nottinghamshire just completed (two days?) sums up our problems. Blokes who have been given opportunities squandering them. Cowan, Kahwaja, Smith all offenders. Watson gets 45 and we are supposed to do handstands? Warner 35, Hughes 30...are we supposed to be content with this? It is sub standard and speaks of indulged attitudes and self centredness. No surprise that referrals for DRS have been dominated by these types.

The problem is that there is no competition for spots at all. The thought of 4-0 looms large after this week. Our bats are struggling against County attacks.

Some say it is 20/20 Cricket impacting. The trouble with this theory is that we are terrible at that form of the game too!

Wonder how comfortable that High Performance Manager is sitting?

2. Wallabies. Playing catch up from early on in the game and throughout. O'Connor was slow and no good out wide..bad reads in defence which cost big points. Mogg was simply out of his depth. Link has a lot of work to do with this lot to knock the rough edges off and get rid of the Gen Y attitude. New Zealand cruised really. Never troubled.

Soft tries were gifted to the All Blacks all night. They barely raised a sweat.

Great to see the ref taking over the game as usual. The crowd was abysmal really. Rugby needs to wake up to itself. It is simply evaporating in Australia. Noticed that the Penrith Emus are still getting lapped by 100 points in their lower grades.

3. EPL - Arsenal. Wenger has been there too long...without resounding success. There always seem to be excuses coming from that club. The fans know it too. Despite the fact it is perhaps the most biased football comp in the world...only four teams can win it...it is still the most exciting.

4. Danny Welbeck - Manchester United v Swansea. He is something special. He was on fire in Australia on the recent tour. His chip over the goalie last night was awesome. He can play!

5. AFL. Hawthorn and Sydney are charging ahead. The Melbourne AFL Club may need to close down.

6. Geoff Toovey. Typically the whinger, but I thought he may have done a foo foo valve on Friday night. The Matai no-try was a disgrace, but by the end of the game the difference was much more than just that. Manly look sharp early , but tire. Age is catching up. The Lima leg twist is one from the Storm's top drawer.

7. Daniel Geale is a classy athlete. He never whinges and is in a brutal sport. A sad loss and unfortunately the belt goes elsewhere. After five defences, he still retains youth and an impressive record. No winners in that sport.

8. Sally Pearson a silver medal at the World Championships. When was the last time she smiled? She's like Ray Price...who was last seem smiling in 1986 after the premiership win...for two seconds.

Usain Bolt still keeps winning. Is he an awesome talent - or luckier than some of the other Jamacian athletes who met trouble recently? Either way, I'd like to see him run till the very end for once - and really see how fast he could go.

Wrap - It's Scary But Nobody Cares

1. Nothing like some Ashes rivalry...maybe Warner may actually score some runs some day. His Test record is becoming tragic. If ever there was a time when Australian batsmen will be put to the test, it's in this Test on a gloomy, seaming and tricky deck. Warner 3, Kahwaja 0. Fair dinkum. Both bat like millionaires too often. They lack fight and resolve when they have been gifted ideal cahances to impress. Warner is fast becoming a basket case. His bat needs to do some talking. We all know his mouth is well versed.

Rogers on the other hand was scratchy, but effective. Reminds me of Matt Hayden's first ton in Adelaide v the Windies when he did not even put up the bat he was that embarrassed. At least Rogers fought and showed the grit and determination of a true Aussie batsman.

I'm convinced that batting last on this deck will be treacherous. We needed a sizeable lead but capitulated. We are in more trouble than Eddie Obeid. Swan is near unplayable for our batsmen.

2. Michael Vaughan has a lot to say for an English captain that had an average record. Test batting average 41.44. Incredibly, too many people listen to him.

3. Lyon and Bird - and Swan - bowled like feral animals. A bit like the old African Lion Safari. Wind up your windows as a feral animal or two scratch the life out of your dad's duco on the old Holden Kingswood station wagon.

4. Benji Marshall. Farewell and don't strain your back with the cash. Are Rugby that silly? SBW knows they are. This is becoming tiresome. His release online in a video was terribly self indulgent. Perhaps it explains everything...a big ego who has allowed fame to go to his head. The Tigers at least learned something when they signed Braith Anasta. Invest in youth, pepper it with experience, develop superstars...

Mick Potter surely has to be chopped. He has cleaned out his coaching staff...a sure sign he is under pressure. Steve Georgalis is a good coach. He will pick up a gig no problems. Royce also knows a hell of a lot. However, Potter? He reminds me of Brian Smith. Crash and burn the joint and hope someone sees it as progress.

As mentioned here weeks ago, financial logic would tell you that Tim Sheens surely has to come back in, but they have now stopped paying him! How long before this club becomes extinct? It smells like the North Sydney Bears in their final days.

5. A win for Parramatta. Hard to believe they have won. Tipping comps around the state are furious! Maybe Samuel L Jackson might be able to afford a new hat now for Bet365. Interesting to see Tom Waterhouse has sold his business. Build it up, sell your soul and then run like hell.

Melbourne warming up nicely. Manly looking strong. Roosters were loose. Bunnies fading fast. Liking the late season form of the Cowboys...would be dangerous from seventh or eighth if they snuck in.

6. Adam Scott. In tremendous form. Form has a window which slams shut. Get into it while it is open and clear! Here's hoping for a last round surge.

7. What is it about the Broncos? They are the old lady up the road who takes in every stray cat and dog in the joint because they are all "homesick". The sooner another Brisbane team is in the mix, the better.

8. AFL comp looks more open this year than most. Swans disappointing but Magpies strong. Essendon have more troubles than Craig Thomson. ASADA will probably deliver their findings in Grand Final week to make their point.

Wrap - Broad Walk

1. Fresh from the Dave Warner App of last week, there is another ridiculous addition to it with his stupid DRS referral. What was most disturbing about it all was the fact that when he approached Clarke, Clarke had no influence over him. This is more of a worrythan his completely selfish lack of judgement. No wonder Micky Arthur struggled.

Does Broad look like the blonde headed bully out of Harry Potter with the blonde hair? Check out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBJL1H84Y2A&feature=youtu.be

2. Clarke was exceptional at the crease and is regularly making big runs in the first innings now. His record makes him one of Australia's greatest ever. Good to see the 'Duck or A Hundred Man', Phil Hughes spelled. I would still argue that Watson should be punted...more to get him hungry and make him understand that he has no mortgage on his spot in the team. Siddle keeps getting wickets despite not moving the ball and Ryan Harris would dominate if we had more juiced up wickets. Does anyone remember the decks that Botham used to bowl on in the early 1980's over there...absolute green tops. Even Alderman...the sun rarely shone. As the TV coverage has improved so too has the standard of pitch!

3. Went to watch Parramatta play on Saturday night. Saw Steve Edge whose hair colour and style was a testament to the massive drought Parramatta have experienced for so long. Some of our current players would not have made reserve grade in the Gibson era.

Ben Roberts is officially the worst pivot in the NRL. His error rate is appalling. His day has gone. The dumb decisions were something, but what was most striking was the amazing lack of discipline. Fui Fui doing a chip over the top? Stuart has lost the plot. He is letting it fail and hoping to fix it. Impossible. I am a big believer that the wooden spoon be delivered to the team winning it on Grand Final Day, just to make sure they feel the pain...and never repeat it like Parramatta will. Ricky is fast becoming damaged goods.

Canberra. Their losing ways were catching because the Storm absolutely smashed Canberra. Losing by 64 is a complete disaster this late in the season...and at home. Problems aplenty. These teams that get smashed should have to donate money to their junior leagues - a % off each First Grader's salary in the losing team. This would fix them up.

4. Finally GWS win something. Melbourne are a disaster. Fancy losing that? The temporary coach, Neil Craig, there has made a career ending decision. Some good signs from GWS...once they get bigger, more experienced and actually play for the full game.

5. Brumbies. A gutsy performance and I noticed that they wheeled Brian Smith out on Saturday morning to haunt the whole campaign. Beaten by a better team - and in need of a bit more attacking prowess. How they can show up every other Australian franchise is amazing...year in, year out.

6. So far so good for the Australian Swimming Team. Medals galore and a lot more fresh faces. The wheel may well have turned at long last.

7. Swans. Right on track for back to back premiership wins, but easier said than done. The comp seems more open than usual with Geelong and Hawthorn stuttering. That Tippert can play, even if he took twelve months to get there.

8. Vintage Tiget this week at the Firestone. Chipping in...long putts..

Wrap - The Clown App

1. Brumbies. Quite a phenomenal effort in South Africa and now another chance to reaffirm that they are the best franchise in our Super Rugby history. The turnaround from last year is outstanding. Haven't seen Brian Smith yet, but there is bound to be a story about his lack of Grand Final success this week - and his curse. Would he want to coach the Wallabies one day?

2. Ashes Cricket. Is there anything to be read into Hughes and Cowan opening v Sussex? Rogers is on shaky ground. Fifty merchants and the only ton Hughes or Cowan get is the ton of criticism they all attract. How about the Jackson Bird performance? Will come in for Pattinson. Something in James Faulkner appeals to me. He has a bit of fight and could be a big part of the future. Lyon is bowling poorly. I wonder how that spin factory is going? Is Warnie great enough to make others great?

3. Warner. Is he that dumb? Twitter...biff on Joe Root...brother tweeting rubbish...sledging on the field in Australia A...he has no brain. Maybe that is why he struggles in Test Cricket. I almost drove off the road the other day when I heard all about "The DAVE WARNER APP". Apparently it teaches the biff and sledging and you can use it in any hotel room in the world...even in dodgy old ones where bad cricketers go.

4. League. Where have all the great footy songs gone? "Up, up Cronulla" is fantastic! With every win, more and more fans turn up, ASADA or no ASADA. Gallen or no Gallen. The changes to songs like "Click Go The Shears" by Parramatta to some Jon English number recorded down a well have been bad for their game. It has defeated the culture of the game. The AFL set a strong standard here. Bring them back! "Glory, Glory to South Sydney"...superb!

5. AFL. Swans are firming at this time of the year and are about to launch in to something very big again...Longmire has them peaking at the right time...again.

6. Socceroos. The shirt is devalued by silly East Asian tournaments. Reserve Grade and we were in our element coming last!

7. Mick Crocker. Is he still injured? Chris Sandow gets injured when not playing first grade to avoid embarrassment. Ben Ross and Brent Tate have been injured seriously and struggled on...What of Terry Campese, Jarryd Hayne, Willie Tonga, Timana Tahu, Justin Hodges...are only outgunned by Shane Watson, Pat Cummins and Pattinson. Noticed Brett Papworth is back playing cricket for the SCG XI in England. he was the most injured ever.

8. Noticed Black Caviar has a cover. Like being selected by the best girl at Parramatta Leagues' Kicks for a dance.

Wrap - Harlem Globetrotters v The Cosby Kids

1. How about Micky Arthur? Publicly, he presented to everyone as all noble and innocent, understanding and accepting...a snake in the grass really. 4 million dollars? You are kidding. He owes us 4 million! His duplicity and unpredictability is clearly on the nose internationally and more work will be hard to acquire. No wonder he struggled to build anything other than a poisonous team culture. Selfish to the end.

2. Speaking of which, Shane Watson continues to defy belief. LBW AGAIN (24 times in Test Cricket)! He looks like million rupee then hits a great twenty or thirty...not good enough for a test batsman. I wrote earlier:

This guy does not get it. He has a zillion injuries and loyal selectors go back to select him repeatedly. Pulling up lame, breaking down....on it goes. He plays IPL ($$$ of course) instead. He changes states - TAS, QLD, NSW- at will. He is selected in the Australian team and tells everyone he can't bowl/ won't bowl anymore. He is feted and sucked up to with TWO AB medals. He develops arrogance and a perception of invincibility - however poor his lone two Test centuries look.

He doesn't do his homework and is sacked. He throws a tantrum and comes home to be with his wife and kid. He annoys coaches and captains alike. Sacked? No...he is then given the Australian captaincy!! Now he does not want to be vice captain? And everything is fine with Michael Clarke? He is a selfish prize tool. He is clearly on notice to perform or perish. He needs to feel that empty feeling that galvanised cricketers like the Waughs and Hayden over the years - being dumped, axed, sacked and deposed all in one. He has had a fairytail ride. Fairies believe in fairytails. He is 32. The twilight is upon him.

So is now the time to sack him? His DRS review effort was appalling in the first innings. The old 'I'm the best bat (and have first crack at the review) and am indispensible' approach. He needs to fall on his butt hard to ever improve. He also looks cranky and discontented on the field. He could surprise us and retire unexpectedly.

By the way, any thought of Katich returning should be laughed at loudly. Runs against county teams mean nothing. Chris Rogers proves that.

3. Chris Rogers. Is this guy kidding? He OK's Watson's selfishness to review, he misses the worst donkey drop in Test history and then does not review his own. He lacks judgement and was set to be our saviour. The way I saw him bat in the Big Bash for Sydney Thunder tells me he is close to retirement. Usman will want to play better than his dreadful first innings shot. His terrible running between the wickets continues to baffle.

Breaking news: Rogers out for 6 leaving a straight breaker! Get rid of him.

4. DRS. I must be going blind because never has there been more evidence to get rid of it than now. After bagging them, my view is that India may just be right. Smith's catch? Hughes' supposed nick in the first innings. Batsmen get away with nothing now. Look for a sharp dip in international batting averages (except India's).

5. So far in the Ashes, Siddle, Harris, Smith (and maybe Haddin, Hughes and Agar) can say they have made a difference at some stage. No one else. Clarke needs to step up. Pattinson has been a hopeless joke too. Wild and quick...quick to the fence. Agar's bowling lacks. Hughes contiues his duck or a hundred form.

6. Mitchell Pearce should bat at three perhaps. That or a spray tan and a nude streak at the cricket this year. He was terrible in Origin 3 and the great "No. 7 Burner", Ricky Stuart, is telling us to lay off? He's also explaining Parramatta's < 15 point losses into "wins" now. He has problems.

Roosters looking sharp. To keep five teams to nil (Manly, Eels, Sharks....) not a bad effort from a team struggling last year. Knights are surprising and Warriors will be dangerous as usual if in the semis. Like Souths and Storm still, but how good would an all-Sydney final be?

7. Swans on fire in the West. Hard to remember when Collingwood, Geelong and St Kilds all lost in the one weekend - and Richmond won!

8. Surely the saddest sport going around at present is a tie between cycling and athletics. The drug takers and cheats are alive and well. Hard to believe Froome is legit, but having said that Cadel has never looked worse. Time will tell. With a name like 'Froome' you have to win.

9. British Open. Surely not a pom after the Olympics excellence in London, the Lions victory, the Rose USPGA win, Murray (Scot) at Wimbledon, ManU, Tour de France, the Ashes...we need some luck. Hopefully Scott can do it. Or Day. Tiger lurking...

10. ManU players v A-League All Stars showed more skill in the first five minutes than the whole Socceroo campaign. The crowd were in awe of their skill and class. A mighty spectacle to be at. It was fair dinkum like the Harlem Globetrotters v. The Cosby Kids. They were toying with us. It was like playing your little brother in Monopoly. Not a stretcher in sight.

11. Super Rugby. the supposed highlight end of their season passes without a whimper...outside of a couple of International games, they have nothing. Reds creamed, Brumbies lucky.

Wrap - Ashes and Hashes

1. The First Test at Trent Bridge has been a cracker. Cowan's footwork was awful in the first innings. His judgement against that powerhouse world spinner- Joe Root - was appalling in the second innings. In England a flourishing shot maker at No. 3 who moves the feet is critical. Khawaja should have been chosen and Cowan should never have played. Khawaja is more fluid and fleet of foot.

Gee Usman must be good at cards by now. Cowan will be ended.

Gotta say with the gloves Haddin looks really slow and even overweight (?) His dismissal in the first innings was also simply terrible. How Paine is not there I'll never know. Hopefully the second innings will show us this as he powers us to victory! Starc and Pattinson showed us the difference between aggression and incompetence. Both have had Harmison moments, but we're not missing Johnson!

2. The Agar innings was superb. I must confess I jinxed him by sending a text to a couple of the lads when on 98..."Starc?" (Who got 99 v India). An awful shot really in the circumstances. Phil Hughes showed some uncharacteristic ticker. He was very solid, but back to his old tricks in the second innings (like Graeeeemeee Wood, another duck or a hundred man).

Let's consider this: Nathan Lyon annointed as the next team song man in Sydney by Hussey and has played one test since. Shortest reign ever. He is on the outer big time now. Clarke still ruling the roost.

3. Stuart Broad. Has a shocking record of behaviour and his effort in this test was appalling. Any chance of preferential treatment given his father is an ICC Match referee? Doesn't look good. Lucky Warner did not play - biff may have been on the agenda! Noticed that Michael Clarke didn't complain too loudly. He once stayed for a decision in Sydney v India in that Roebuck Test after nicking one to second slip!

Aleeeeeeeeeeeeeeem Dar is a shocker. Warnie once said to him when bowling after he quizzed him about overstepping: "Aleem, you are having enough trouble at that end. Leave this end to me". He is still having massive troubles.

4. Commentators Review. 'Bumble' Lloyd is superb. Botham ever tough and controversial. Strauss is whining and annoying. Holding is hard on the ears at time, but as brutal as he was when bowling. On radio, Blofeld is the quintessential comic Pommie, but rarely tells you the score - we have clouds, crowd descriptions...the cricket? Boycott is still a goose. No wonder Lillee wanted to knock his block
off. Can someone tell me why Graeme Hick is on Foxtel? He looks like Steve Menzies - but Steve scored more often at the highest levels.

5. Is George Burgess a fool? Throws a street sign through a car window then nude pics online? He must have taken too many knocks to the head. Time to go back to England. If he was an asylum seeker he'd be deported.

 6. Sandow sacked again to the park @ 550,000 per year! An absolute liability in defence..and if he approached the club wanting a release what would their answer be? Ricky Stuart's intolerance of halfbacks continues. No wonder no one wants to play at the joint. Noticed too that Ben Roberts missed six tackles too v Panthers. Talk about squandering an opportunity. Ricky is now talking about "good losses". Please.

7. GWS. Absolutely smashed. Getting worse. I mentioned Demetriou was on shaky ground a few weeks back. Nothing's changed.

8. What's happened to Cadel Evans? Hopefully the mountains bring his best out, but he is a long way back now.

9. Noticed that Mark Webber has retired from F1. He came a familiar seventh last week while Vetell carves them up. Maybe he saw the axe swinging. A greater ongoing saga than the bloody Block TV Series.

10. Reds and Brumbies have been good this year (bad loss to Force this weekend by the Brumbies). Waratahs have been better but if they can find a way to lose they will. Chances late amounted to nothing.

11. Origin this week. Can't help but think QLD will smash NSW again. No Gallen - no hope. The ongoing Origin series over a million weeks needs to be contracted. 32-0 over the Storm sounds impressive by the Bulldogs, but is hardly a good reflection. However, it does reveal that Melbourne have a soft underbelly once the big names are out, especially with the million dollar five eight Widdup, injured. First serious injury in years at the place. Astounding luck (?).

Wrap - Another Spoon

1. The Lions. Absolutely smashed us. Our line defence one-on-one was inferior. Our tactics near non-existent. Genia played okay, but his kickoff confusion and his being sacked by the coach tells us he struggled as well. Beale and Tomane were appalling in defence.

Where have the booming boots in Australian rugby gone? The Roger Gould's, David Campese's, Steve Larkham's...used to belt the ball downfield. Not now.

The ref. It's been a long time since the French were so helpful to the British! These obscure appointments by the control freaks at the IRB are beyond belief. Surely a southern hemisphere ref was a logical option. We need more steel at a board level about these matters. We need to play hard ball at the negotiation table and serve it up to them...even if we don't look pleasant. We yielded to the British here.

A scrum nowadays has become less about the ball - and ALL ABOUT finding a penalty. There is a disgraceful smorgasboard of choice there. Sadly, playing for the penalty has taken over playing the ball.

How long is the most continuous piece of uninterrupted action in rugby? Probably three to five minutes before a scrum, a line out, an injury, a replacement...on it goes. It is a stop start affair rivalling NFL. Not being on prime time TV and without a Super 15 sponsor tells the story.

Australians would love to fall in love with Rugby Union and Soccer - but simply cannot. Their officials and rules are quite simply, un-Australian. Match officials with too much influence annoy us like nothing else in sport. The only thing missing was the stretcher and Lazarus-like reappearances.

2. Parramatta. Firstly can anyone believe they have spent all of their salary cap and then some? Reni is on $300K and Willie Tonga is on nearly $400K..laughable for the return. Tonga has not played for 14 rounds. He must have had an amputation.

It will come as no surprise that Parramatta even got the spoon for their salary cap excesses! A meagre $5K.

3. As mentioned, Khawaja and Steve Smith are specials to play in the first test. Amazing to see the transformation after the whiteboards, the high performance speak and the rotation policy are removed. Blokes actually look like they want to play. Lehmann represents everything England fear in their cricketing opponents. I'd be more confident with Lehmann batting six for us.

My team: Watson, Rogers, Khawaja, Clarke, Hughes, Smith/ Warner/ Lehmann (!), Haddin, Starc, Pattinson, Bird, Lyon/ Siddle (will they do what they did in India and not go with a spinner?).

Heard a whisper that a player revolt put it to CA that it was either Clarke or Micky Arthur....guess who won?

4. Something tells me that QLD are going to ambush NSW in the last Origin game. A 20 man squad but I notice that Merritt is not there. He will go down as a one game wonder. No Souths players even though they are wining the comp. Surely Mitchell Pearce is on his last legs. He has a bigger losing record than Julia Gillard.

Steve Price the Saints coach, could well be sacked this week. Gotta hand it to Ivan Cleary and Matthew Elliott. How about the turn arounds in their fortunes?

Why did we head to Mackay, Darwin and Perth in the one weekend? The saunas must have been very popular this week leading in...

5. Andrew Johns. For an IMMORTAL, he surely is very human. Have you ever known anyone to be so connected to the idiot element of town than this bloke? He's there when David Williams carries on...he's next to Singo and Gai (gee she must be missing his horses by now...not), he's at training sessions for this mob and that, on Channel 9...on 2MMM on Monday nights...he mixes in interesting circles and lots of them! Who is the next rugby league player before the courts this week? Step right up, step right up...

6. Staggered to see Sabine Lisicki collapse in tears mid match. She beat Stosur and Serena and a host of others...Now that is a bad preparation. Jana Novotna was the last one I recall, but Wimbledon certainly brings out the tears in players.

Surprised to see Barty and Dellacqua in the women's doubles final. Barty seems to be treading the second rate boards of world doubles. When you don't want to work so hard (half as hard), play doubles...she is too young to be making this decision just yet...unfortunately, a typical Australian women's tennis player career path.

8. AFL. The Geelong Curse over Hawthorn is a great part of AFL these days. A vow never to lose again is still alive! Legend has it that after their 2008 GF loss, the Geelong players made a private pact, to never again lose to Hawthorn. Jeff Kennett's critical comments about Geelong have become Kennett's curse! Not a more deserving recipient. Everytime he opens his mouth it seems to be deliberately controversial.

9. Will James O'Connor finally get the picture? Punted from Western Force, now punted from the Melbourne Rebels. His 'brand' is fast becoming "Homebrand" or "No Frills".

10. Just so you know stupidity abounds worldwide in sport, the San Francisco Giants started a massive baseball game v LA Dodgers and can you believe batted in an order different to their stated lineup. Automatic out is the rule. Unprecedented in MLB Baseball...common at Northmead Reserve perhaps...but not in the big show!

Wrap - The New Rudd

1. Wallabies. Great in adversity v British and Irish Lions. At Sydney for the decider. A fabulous game for rugby. Still hate the penalty goal...two points max. please. Not convinced Beale is stable...brilliant talent, but under pressure in this series he has been a bit weak. O'Connor needs to keep worrying less about the "brand" and more about catching the ball. It is all abou him unfortunately. (Deans can't wait to rub it into Quayde Cooper!). Folau is some sort of player. Can he play cricket?

Horwill. If suspended, we will all be convinced that we will never cure the ills of the game - three point penalties, over zealous refs and impossible rules. The northern hemisphere scrooges are trying to get the edge and are willing to override their own people to make the point that they control the sport...joke.

2. When someone asks you want for Christmas, this is what you want: A membership at Stadium Australia (Homebush). This year: 2 x Origins, NRL games, Bledisloe, Lions, 2 x Socceroos qualifiers, Man U game, NRL finals, NRL GF...on it goes...Not expensive for the sport nut who loves live sport undercover.

3. Ricky Stuart. There is no doubt about it, Ricky knows how to deflect blame. His acrimonious falling outs with the Roosters, the Sharks, referees in foyers of hotels, NSWRL chiefs and now with Daniel Anderson says something. He has presided over GF's and SOO wins, was a great player - but as a coach, his 2005 at Roosters was terrible, 2009 at Sharks saw them come equal last, he lost two successive Origin series despite coming close ('close' only matters with horseshoes and handgrenades!) and 2013 at the Eels is headed likewise. THE SPOON. I think we would all like less media, fewer outbursts and more solutions. Why have players avoided the place - and who has he secured as dynamic big name signings? Is he a coaching myth?

Origin II. How poor were the refs in the opening minutes? Totally intimidated. The send offs were an embarrassing joke. The referees boss position is a short term career move as it is impossible to keep losers happy. The behaviour of Ferguson and Tamou...and old mate Dugan shows that NSW are not capable of remaining focused on the job...this wins you an Origin game - but NEVER a series.

Nathan Merrit had the worst game of any NSW Origin player since Phil Duke...or Steve Turner.

4. Peter Siddle is struggling. He's been quieter than Paris Hilton of late. Good on hard pitches but does not do enough with the seam. Fodder in England (think Alderman, McGrath...seam and swing experts). Pattinson, Starc are fine and Harris (if he doesn't pull another hamstrng getting up from the breakfast table) and Bird could round it all out. Faulkner looks a favourite - a winner and highly competitive. The bloke who should play is Chadd Sayers. Who? South Aussie tearaway who topped the Shield bowling in 2012-2013 and moves it a mile. Great on a seaming deck and was in the Australia A team recently.

Phil Hughes hits two half centuries v Somerset. This last happened when he was playing darts!

Warner not missed and needs to pay to instill some sort of value on the baggy green. He needs recalibration, even if he has made more $$ out of the game than any cricketer in the history of Australian cricket. Matthew Wade is in charge of the DVD's on the team bus - and the Gatorade. No chance.

5. I notice that Khawaja has made an appearance all of a sudden with Lehmann becoming coach. We desperately need genuine middle order batsmen...not more openers. Two of Cowan, Warner, Watson, Hughes and Rogers will not play. Lehmann knows this as he was one of them. This is what is intriguing about Steve Smith's selection. Where is Bailey, Linn, et al?

All of a sudden Boof is the cricketing Kevin Rudd. New face, new ideas amidst the same wood. Hopefully a better result in store. Like the fact that Warne and McDermott are coming back to be near the team...things are shifting already. Micky Arthur's meek exit probably underlined our problems - too meek, no authority and too much flex for bird brained ego maniacs.

6. Cameron Smith has some sort of record. Without him, Melbourne lose. Simple. God help them if he gets injured. Soundly thumped on Saturday night. On that, I mentioned it some time back...Tim Sheens is still on the Wigers payroll and there are moves to reinstate him once Benji is off loaded. No risk.

7. AFL in the wet. A schemozzle really. Swans played really well on Friday night. Great result. Saw Melbourne finally won a game, but tried their best to lose it giving up seven or eight unanswered goals in the last quarter. Their lack of conviction and effort is a disgrace. Their defenders give up. Wouldn't last two minutes at another club. Simply not fit enough. Preparation for the season has been woeful. Like the GWS Jokers.

The wet games highlight my long sought rule change in AFL...if you kick the ball out on the full, the opposing team has the ball from WHERE IT WAS KICKED! (not the boundary sideline exit point).

8. Is Stosur the new Jana Pittman-Rawlinson- Pitman -Pitman-Rawlinson III? Better showing this year to be fair, but loses too many three set games. Loses the arm wrestle too often. However, she has won a Grand Slam, but has to do more with her talent. Tennis has a small window of chance. (Wonder how Jana's knee and implants are holding up in her Winter Olympics bobsledding efforts...).

9. Tomic doing some good things with his big game. When he shuts his mouth and plays he delivers. Next Phillopousis for mine. Mired in controversy and not in tennis enough.

10. Tour de France. It is on again. Lock up the medicine cabinet and hide the fake prescription books and the needles.

Wrap - The Toni Basil Brush - Special Edition

On March 12, I raised the following:

Well, well , well...regular readers would know of the silly games and pettiness which has crept into the Australian team with the appointment of Clarke as a selector (AB medal mortgaged forever thus) and the appointment of Mickey Arthur. What of this: "On 26 January 2010 he resigned because of alleged differences between himself and Cricket South Africa (CSA)". Who would have thought?
And this: "My vision of how to go forward with the team was clear, but the board's was different," said Arthur. "I've always run a tight management and team, but the CSA board of directors want structural changes."

Deja Vu is coming and about to smack him in the back of the head. Mickey was an absolute unmitigated failure when coaching Western Australia cricket too.

1. Deja Vu has landed. Mickey goes. It is probably the most animated James Sutherland has gotten in recent weeks after the Dave Warner schemozzle. Half the side out on the cans. Coach tucked away in bed!The Homework gate fiasco is also not far away from the thinking...and the lack of discipline and control in this team. Too many big heads (Clarke, Hughes, Warner, Watson...whoaaa!) and too nice a bloke - or weak a bloke in charge. The Champions Trophy result was the burnt icing on the shrivelled cake.

Suddenly Warner is no chance in the First Test either if anger is that strong.

2. I'm also hearing that Clarke will now stand down as a selector. Seems as though that ridiculous move was all about giving Mickey a bit of support. A bit of cred, while securing Clarke hero status - breeding cronism and mates rates in the averages. He was too weak - as was Mickey. The High Performance Manager was there in the thick of it all...his turn will come too. Maybe he has been tapped on the shoulder already?

3. And Lehmann into the fold as coach. Easily the most qualified and somehow now - even though he has been given very little lead in - we have a glimmer of hope to retain the Ashes. Remarkably he is also Australian! (Deans and Holger will be next in line to go and be replaced by local coaches - McKenzie and Arnold perhaps?).

Khawaja's stakes have risen with the arrival of Lehmann who recruited him from NSW. First Test gig?

4. What of the Ashes? Last time we batted in the cloud and wet, while England batted when the sun shone. I suspect we can roll the Poms cheaply...then get rolled even more cheaply ourselves! Time will tell.

Out.

Wrap - The Bandwagon is Full

1. Well it didn't take long with Josh Dugan - as mentioned last week, he has in fact learned NOTHING. He is right into alcohol rehab...big time. Caught in a boat trying to fish? On a roof half cut...what next?

Can anyone seriously think that the NRL take this seriously? Jim Bean...VB...gambling house sponsorships left right and centre. Why would they be surprised? The surprising thing is that the public keep putting up with it.

History will tell us that for every bloke rubbed out, another rises...sometimes to be rubbed out as well. Yet the truly great players never do this. Slater? Smith? Cronk? As it stands, load up on QLD as NSW should be at long odds by kick off and deservedly so.

I was interested to read Laurie Daley's surprise with the news that Ferguson had been in trouble. Maybe there should have been a simple risk management plan in place (?). George Burgess is also a disgrace. Stop hassling women.

2. Sydney Olympics 2000. Is it just about true now that nearly every winner has tested positive, confessed or being thrown out for doping offences? You wouldn't have liked to have bought one of those houses at Newington...could be all sorts of stuff in your garden.

3. Wallabies. Tidy display but O'Connor is not a great team player. He seemed lost at times, missing at others and did nothing substantial really. BAD for the brand! Must say though, Beale choked with his kick...twice at the end of the game. His defence is also quite awful. I$rael Folau though played really well - tough and produces on the big stage. Always has. A narrow loss, but hopefully not a 2-0 series now. We need that decider in Sydney.

No Quayde Cooper is a slap in the face...but one he brought on himself. As I have said before, we need he and Beale in the team to win...but their combined defensive woes could be a weakness.

4. Had a look at a few past Parramatta players on the weekend...Mortimber and Reddy. All smiles in attack but their missed tackle rate is up there with Sandow. Horrendous. No wonder they needed to go. They have enough already who don't tackle.

5. Champions Trophy Champions. Colour Comp Champions. Worthless all, but very impressed with MS Dohni who threw the gloves away the other night to have a bowl. Swings it a mile! That Kholi is some sort of bat as well. India seem to have coped much better with the retirement of a string of players than most other countries. Gone is Ganguly, VVs, Dravid, Tendulkar from most forms of the game...and they still excel.

Liked the look of Nic Maddison as well. He can hit the thing a mile. Maybe yet another opener may play in the Ashes team? Wouldn't hurt to put someone in who actually scores runs.

Do Hughes, Warner or Khawaja really deserve to play in the First Test? I think none of them do.

6. AFL. How about a few upsets in the AFL? Unheard of. Geelong and Sydney downed in the one weekend. A shock.

7. Wimbledon. Draw favours Djokovic again. Someone gets Nadal and Federer on their side of the draw therefore. Cruelty at the very top!

8. Socceroos. That bandwagon is very full. Wheels are wobbly. Could be fodder again at the World Cup, but a good achievement. Making three times in a row makes the move to Asia a smart one. Surprised they still want us there in Asia as some nation is missing out everytime we make it. In the end, corruption speaks louder than this.

Wrap - Plenty Of Ugly Things After 2.00am

1. Geoff Toovey. Saw a picture of the winning NSW 2000 Origin Team last week in the paper. Probably the last time he smiled. His ill discipline was mirrored by his team v Bulldogs at a critical moment. He sets a poor example and the refs know it. Hasler should have been the one blowing up. Manly had no right to be near them. Fancy a team dinner with Lyon, Foran, et al? Getting a word in would be tough.

Can't believe I saw Dugan jump on to Twitter after his selection. A super talent, but has he learned anything?

2. Dave Warner. Soothsayer moment last week. His cards are marked and folded now. He is a millionaire temporarily. A spoilt little boy too. Glancing blow to Joe Root? He is the master of getting edges and not hitting the middle.

Mitchell Marsh, Phil Hughes, Glenn Maxwell and Matthew Wade were also with Warner when the incident occurred. Marsh has had his embarrassing moments on the drink, Wade catches if he is on the drink and Hughes must be watched lest he turn to the drink mid tour with his miserable form. Maxwell owns the bottle shop after his IPL contract.

3. Where the hell is Michael Clarke? Would he not be in the stands watching? Does anyone get the feeling that this ICC Champions Trophy Tournament is a farce - and treated as such? The weather is making it a joke too. That back injury comes when he is at home playing at Sydney, when he's had a break and some would say that it may have been Clarke with that beard on, granted the name match for the presumed causes of his back condition.

Apparently he visited Warnie and Liz at their charity game. Why is Warnie's hair melted onto his head nowadays? Must have visted Paul Hogan's plasticine surgeon.

How about Shane Watson hey? Pursuing justice - but more staggeringly, being listened to! Doubt Hayden and Langer would ever have found themselves in this spot.

4. Socceroos. Finally playing a good brand of football. A few actually want to win now and go to Brazil. Others dream of it. The I-rack tour revisted this week...hopefully they've locked up that idiot who scales goalposts. Full house expected...everyone loves a winner!

5. Fui Fui. Was that a beer he was drinking on the sideline in playing uniform last week? He may need to know the most famous sporting quote of the modern era: "I DON'T HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM".

6. Sangakara. He is some sort of legend. What hope have we got if he gets going? Beating a score of 290+ by England at home single handedly is something special. One of the greats.

7. Lions. Roaring as usual, but hardly being tested. Is there an ANZAC equivalent that can tour in the same way? Why not? Imagine how strong that would be.

8. Hewitt. A great effort at Queens. Some sort of performance with age and injury against him. He is one of our best ever. Federer is a phenomenon. Another final and will be hard to beat too.

9. US Golf Open. The poor cousin of the majors - and gets poor - deserved - coverage. Scott lucky to make the cut. Why is Phil Mickelson so arrogant? Or maybe he just needs a press secretary. Jason Day has some sort of record at the majors. He is a slim chance - thinner than a piece of cucumber at Subway.

Wrap - More Rocks Than Diamonds

1. Parramatta. Fair dinkum, Ricky stopped 12 short in his axings. Mullaney, Morgan, Allgood, Sandow, Tautai, Lussick, et al. should have gone too. The big question is where will they find more players?

2. Has Reni Matiua actually demonstrated the very reason he should have been sacked in the first place? Self centred, poor attitude. Fancy being too sad to play! Bring back the bloke that got sacked for thumping him pre season.

3. Margaret Court 24 Grand Slams, 22 to Steffi, 18 to Navratalova and 18 to Evert. Serena has 16. Getting there. Imposing and dominant.

Nadal is a phenomenon. If he stays fit, he could be one of the best ever. His record on clay is better than anyone else - ever. A top bloke who is mentally the toughest on tour.

4. Mark Webber. Looked better on the bicycle than behind the wheel. Has the best car in the business and fifth is a familiar result. Not good enough. Vetell is a mile in front. Get ready to hear the Webber stories about how his car has been doctored.

5. Cricket. What the hell is the Champions Trophy? It is not a World Cup right...not 20-20 or tests...where does it fit? Or is it a make believe competition driven by the almighty ICC dollar. The ICC are starting to resemble the great IOC farce and the greater FIFA farce.

David Warner has his cards marked. Another glorious score less than ten. His cut shot is appaling. No feet movement. Wade is gone too. Poor technique and no runs.

A lot to like about Bailey. He should be in the Test team. He's a smart operator, good captain and importantly gets runs. Our problem is the batting. Joe Root looked OK. If he doesn't play well, we all know the headline.

6. Tahs. Solid and steady. A good recovery in 2013. Promise for next year. Can you pick Beale and leave Cooper out? We need both.

7. AFL. GWS. Not fit enough for the top level. Promise a lot and in the end give nothing. Crowds are thinner than a referee's patience with either Nate Myles and Paul Gallen in Origin II.

8. Did you know that Melbourne Storm have a 98 per cent conversion rate from leading at half time and then winning? Phenomenal.

Had to laugh that Cameron Smith is testing the open market. How many dumb CEO's will offer him something? He's going nowhere fast.

Wrap - Tough Hombres and Bonehead

1. After posing the question last week of why Melburnians were so stupid with issues of racism in sport, Eddie 'Chins' Maguire answered it. He is smug and arrogant. Not until you ask yourself how it must feel to be targeted like this every day and week of your life, do you start to understand. What did Goodes do to have his name attached to this stuff?

By the way, would this have anything to do with a sport where record numbers of AFL players are snorting and ingesting drugs without penalty? Do what you want...untouchable...bad culture. Demetriou has reached his expiry date. If he doesn't know this, then he definitely needs to go!

2. NSW Origin. What a saga their camp is. More twits and tweets than anyone knows what to do with. Too many staff and hangers on. They bumble over a ludicrous selection of TWO players - Sutton and Reynolds, Josh - and announce the wrong bloke. Have not heard a word of issue from QLD. Of course this year's NSW camp will be 'the best ever'. The players are 'raring to go'...and on it goes. The build up is BORING!

At the same time, Souths and Penrith are poised to excel with Origin robbing the comp of sparkle. Do we really need all players out for a month and a half?

This George Burgess is tough. Possibly the best NRL forward outside of $onny Bill.

3. Clive Palmer. The wealthy and prodigiously stupid fool bags out Laurie Daley as 'a grub', tries to ruin the A League and tells us he will build the next Titanic. He then sets up the National Fat Arse Party. A pellet to his thick hide and rump might be the best solution. Hang on, he does that himself.

He nudges that Swimming Australia President as the goose of the week. What about him telling everyone he was to be called "donkey" because of the size of his manhood? Others suggested "bonehead" for the lack of brains.

4. Waratahs. Certainly doing better, but inevitably they lose the tight contest. Then they miss semis. When will rugby become relevant again?

5. Noticed NZ copped a caning in their cricket series v England. Just in time to extend the favour to us! Alistair Cook has the most brilliant Test record. 25 Test tons and averaging just under 50. Plenty more where that came from.

An ominous sign already seeing both Warner and Hughes getting out cheaply in the lead up game. Neither have the technique to survive in England on seaming decks. 2 for 5 will become familiar. Watson hit his regulation ton...sadly, when it did not matter.

6. What do you know, Canterbury NRL fans are at it again. Throwing bottles, lighting fires....how long before the late night antics of Greenacre Road come to a footy game? The new female CEO will fix it. By the way, Jamie Soward choked on the kick anyhow.

7. Sam Stosur. It's amazing how to win a major event in any sport there needs to be an alignment of the stars and it often is not repeatable. And so it is with Stosur. She has a tough side. Resilient. And then she has a wasteful, soft side. Playing doubles in the same tournament reduces hunger for mine. Although the Williams girls have been able to smash everyone in all forms for many, manay years.

Meanwhile the three best tennis players we have seen for a long time are hard at it again - Federer, Nadal and Djokovic...better than Borg, Connors, McEnroe...or Lendl, Agassi, Courier... Edberg, Cash, Wilander...

Then there was John Sadri, Brian Teacher, Fritz Beuning, Hank Pfister, Kim Warwick, Johan Kriek....

8. GWS. "Going Woefully Steadily". They are not improving and are going to have no one supporting them by the time they finally start winning. They may need to give out telescopes to those who do show up now. Crowds of 5,000 in Sydney are not uncommon...at club rugby. Even the netballers are attracting more people.