Wrap - Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah...

1. The Parramatta Police Incident and Jail Team. It appears as though Parramatta are continuing to put together a great team of quality blokes who make really good decisions under pressure. "Never trained harder...really excited about the new season ahead...looking sharp (cue: new signing photo in local paper)...feeling fresh....'

Most problems are occurring at night and Parramatta officials have apparently called the NRL looking for day games only. Apparently too, Tim Mannah was recently re-signed for three years mainly because he is the only sober bloke who can drive to the local Police station to bail these fools out of trouble...

1. Jarryd Hayne (shot at in King's cross and consorting issues)
2. Semi Radrardra (DV charges)
3. Michael Jennings (niteclub fight with Police)
4. Kirisome Auva'a  (new signing from Rabbits - DV charges)
5. Vai Toutai - (glassing a bikie - retribution pending)
6. Corey Norman (drug possession, consorting warning)
7. Keiran Foran (gambling/ consorting charges)
8. Junior Paulo (consorting issues/ M4 road rage incident)
9. Reni Matiau (cocaine issues; tat issues)
10. Peni Terepo (Auckland drink driving charges)** up the charts with a bullet.
11. Kenny Edwards (DV charges; punched a fan in the head and was barred from the Gold Coast precinct)
12. Ma'ua Mau (clink - reformed)
13. Danny Wicks (clink - retired)

RESERVES:
Eric Grothe Snr (molotov cocktail onto own blue Falcon car)
Paul Mares (molotov cocktail onto car - assistant)
Chris Sandow (street fighting, car crash runaway)
Tim Smith (stole coach Smith's car at Wakefield and crashed it)
Taumalina Toutai (drink driving)
Mitchell Allgood (drink driving)
Jason Smith (cocaine wholesaler)

CEOs/ ADMIN:
Take your pick.

What about the 2017 leadership group announced in the off season by Coach Arthur: Beau Scott, Tim Mannah as co-captains as well as Corey Norman, Frank Pritchard, Issac De Gois, Tepai Meroa, Manu Ma’u and Michael Jennings. You'd be feeling unlucky if you missed out. More chiefs than indians and three from the above team of reckless clowns. A long, long season ahead.

2. The Big Bash. It comes to an end, but what joy it has brought to the non-cricket loving wife. Every night (except when the ODI games are on). Not sure what the Channel 10 wardrobe folk will do with the pink-lime-blue shirts for the commentators now. The commentator rotation with the tan chinos was becoming a little predictable. Hopefully Channel 9 miss out on getting the BBL rights. It works as it is although not sure it converts us all into jungle watchers... Steve Price, gimme a break.

3. The Scorchers. Hard to toss at The Furnace! Justin Langer has done great work there. Why International Cricket teams don't sign him up as their national coach is a mystery. Such offers could accelerate Lehmann's demise. Langer has a calm ruthlessness and should coach Australia next. 

The crazy crap of Lehmann on Twitter re Geeves, Kevin Peterson...what is he thinking? Losing perspective. A common trait of those who become too self absorbed. The beginning of the end. Lose the Twitter rants and regather some form.

4. The Australian cricket selectors have lost the plot again...Sam Heazlet after an average of less than 20 and no ODI games for his state. And Behrendorf? He hasn't played at all for ages.

Since 2013 in ODIs we have had bowlers galore: Cutting, Coulter-Nile, Abbott, Sandhu, Paris, Stoinis, Richardson, Ahmed, Tremain, Agar, Zampa, Boland, Stanlake...now Behrendorf....NONE have stayed to make the grade permanently.

Have we got a problem Houston? Especially when we use BBL form for Australian selection in longer forms of the game.

5. Novelty Prize Winning Nuffies. I continue to be amazed at how poor the quality of catcher is at innings breaks and different on-field promotions. They never seem to have good hands. Sadly the alligator hands are alive and well. Have seen some disgraceful behaviour on kiss cam too...with the standard of kissing or the motioning towards other body parts...

6. Serena Williams - 23 Grand Slam titles is awesome. Power plus and ruthless attitude. She will go close at Wimbledon and the French to beating Margaret Court's record. At the presentation, poor old Hanna Mandlikova looked really over weight. Maybe Margaret Court could have presented the bling to Serena while she was there. More Jehovahs than the Life of Brian movie.

7. Champions - Men's Australian Open Tennis. As predicted last week, Federer and Rafa made it through as Djokovic and Murray bit the hard court. (Whatever happened to 'Rebound Ace' as a surface...just driveways perhaps now?). Two polite experts of their craft. To have a 17 time Grand Slam winner play a 14 time Grand Slam winner (9 French Opens) was pretty amazing.Superb standard.

8. New England Patriots under Tom Brady's expert eye are into another Super Bowl. Their record is amazing under coach Bill Belichick. What happened to "deflategate" this year...any controversies or accusations yet?

9. Liverpool have gone "Ker-Plopp" post Christmas in the EPL and FA Cup and every other cup, chalice, receptacle league. Can't win a thing! 

10. Auckland Nines. Love the concept (like the old SFS Sevens weekend). Expect injuries and problems, but if the sun comes out it will be huge. There may also be a whinging NRL coach or two - who would have thought...?

Wrap - Cricket Fiascos

1. Cricket Fiasco 1 - Boundary Ropes. These have become a scourge on the modern game of cricket. Sure, more advertising space for betting companies (has anyone noticed the new growth industry of money grabbing companies on TV - Nimble, Cash Train and Wallet Cash). Boundary ropes are also too far in and they have become a circus that slows the whole show down. Is it too much to ask that if the ball hits the rope it is four...The current situation is one of the few places Pythagoras' Theorem is still applied.

2. Cricket Fiasco 2 -Giant Sightscreens. When did it become necessary for giant sightscreens and cloth covers knocking out hundreds of seats...? Has it added anything to the game? There have been batsmen who saw the ball better with a sight screen you pushed into place with half cut idiots hanging off the side. Precious current players.

3. Cricket Fiasco 3 - Run Outs. This business where the bat can bounce up despite the fact you have already made your ground. Please! How does this work...? Grounded once = safe!

4. Cricket Fiasco 4 - the sightscreen that doesn't turn around and delays play. A cracker.

5. Are we missing any of these great cricket memories?

A. The Crowd rushing onto the field to field the ball mid game before the ball reaches the boundary...before it hits the boundary.

B. The crowd running on to shake hands or do the back slap for the ton (last bloke was Fat Cat Ritchie at Sabina Park in the Windies).

C. The crowd leaning over the fence to get the ground ball then throwing it back over the chasing player's head.

D. Players driving around the ground hanging out the Benson and Hedges International Cricketer of the Year Car. The Benson and Hedges signage? The car itself on display at the ground?

E. TV commentary: the recorded voice grab when you get off the mark, getting to fifty, reaching the tin..."it's always great to get off the mark..."

F. The MCG practice wickets.

G. Sideline cranky player interviews when players get out.

H. The dog track at The Gabba and the QLD Cricketers Club umbrellas.

I. The post match shadows in the terribly lit MOTM ceremony with AW Greig.

J. The pre-match weather wall.

K. Richie late night highlights show post ODI's in Sydney.

I. The Sidchrome spanners advertsements.

6. Newcastle Knights. The joint is a joke. After the private ownership debacle, the loss of Sims (Broncos traitor), Pauli Pauli (car crash) and Jarrod Mullen (drugs) just about guarantees them the wooden spoon. They are hogging the headlines from Parramatta. Unfair.

7. Virat Kohli. I am predicting three tons v Australia. He has immense strength and steel. Remarkably, he averages over fifty in all three forms of the game. NO OTHER batsman does this. Could be the greatest since Bradman (or Voges). Incredible.

8. Steve Smith is also awesome. Memo: Steve Smith lose the headband. Nathan Bracken is our only sad headband wearer.

9. Sir Andy? Please...these knighthoods are given out like confetti. I think Ian Bell has one too. His loss is the most exciting thing to happen in Australian TV since Fran Powell won the Mercedes on Sale of the Century. Roger and Rafa may be stronger chances now. Stan The Man will take some beating though.

10. Is the smartest and luckiest athlete all week, year and century, Ben Hunt? He is a glaring oddity when placed alongside blokes on a similar salary - Inglis, Thurston, Boyd...Good luck to him. Saints are desperate.

11. Bagging Selectors. I thought I did a good job of this, but enter nearly every spinner in Australia - Jon Holland, Adam Zampa... Although these names selected in recent times bring cause for concern: Boland, Worrall, Mennie, Maddinson, Cartwright, Stanlake...unluckiest of all is Chadd Sayers who never ever got a start!

12. Pakistan. Terrible fielding. Terrible attitude. You would not know if they are fixing matches they are so bad. Their supporters bought every bit of cardboard from every shop pre game - still not enough!

Wrap - Middle Stump

1. The arrival of Carlos Brathwaite seems to have enlivened the Sydney Thunder. Not sure they can win it, but his character is enough to get people through the gate. I am surprised a team did not pick up Craig Anderson from NZ who is not in the Test team but who can hit. That David Miller (South Africa) is another golden pick up who is doing nothing at present.

How good is the nightly Big Bash coverage? Hopefully Channel 10 can hold onto the coverage rights and not let Channel 9 near it it.

2. Will Dave Warner ever hit the stumps for a run out? He's had more 'misses' than John Singleton. He needs to work on this element of his fielding. He could start with a baseball pitching coach. His chase/ dive/ throw is exemplary however.

3. The Indian Touring Test Squad. We have picked blokes on the scrapheap with a poor temperament - Glen Maxwell, Shaun Marsh, Mitchell Marsh - in the most testing of conditions. A few blokes are going to come out the other side as relics of their current selves. We should lose 4-0. Swepson as a leg spinner? Please...there was only one Shane Warne. Kohli will be very worried to see Lyon, O'Keefe, Maxwell and Agar in the team. He won't know whether to hit a 6 or 4 each ball. A bit like when Travis head bowls at you. I like this Michael Beer (a current one test wonder) better than most.

4. Our batting against slow bowling in the ODI series at present is terrible. Missing straight ones like they did in Sri Lanka. Wade will be terrible, despite our desire to select Test players based on ODI and T20 form.

5. What sort of individual takes up UFC as a sport? It has huge image issues, despite its emerging popularity amongst thugs and the callous.

6. A-League football refs have had an absolute shocker this weekend. Berisha's send off was ridiculous. The bloke who dived should get three weeks. We don't seem to be sending a strong message re this style of nonsense. It is what will singlehandedly kill the game in this country...posers, pretenders and stretchers taking off the fakers....

7. AFC Championship Game - New England under Tom Brady look certainties for the Superbowl.

Wrap - Dre Russ Dross

1. Is there a tougher or more stressful job than being the Pakistani fielding coach? They have been comical. Steve Rixon and Mickey Arthur are on shaky ground.

2. Channel 9 Commentary Team. Can there be a greater bunch of back slapping sycophants? There is such a ridiculous amount of matesy chit chat, it is terrible. No substance and no arguments. Ian v Tony? Tony v 'Bull'? Thank goodness for Bill Lawry who instilled ample amounts of sense and humour - "dear oh dear"; "clean as a whistle"; "that's the way he plays"...a joy.

3. As the summer of tennis escalates, tennis players with injuries who bail out mid game are set to annoy everyone more than ever. Sure they play hard but it is a blight on the game. Kgyrios remains a joke. Nadal is awesome. At world number 9, he looms as a huge danger for the Australian Open.

These competing tournaments of the Hopman Cup, Hobart, Brisbane, Kooyong, Super Four and the Sydney International are way too much...most of these spoilt brats see it as a ticket to practice - tank and move on. No pride.

4. Chris Lynn has absolutely awesome power. He is possibly the best we have ever seen in the T20 format. These bowlers are not hacks. They are talented but he makes it look ridiculously easy. He should play similarly when in the Australian set up. Courage is critical.

5. Dre Russ. He has been a massive disappointment and I suspect yet another big headed West Indian interloper. They are quite the party thing these blokes, travelling the world and doing little else. Too much cash.

6. Basketball. In light of the phenomenal accuracy of the modern player, how will this sport move with the times... does it need to become harder?

7. Rabada. Killing Sri Lanka. South African cricket is so far ahead of the rest of the world it is ridiculous. They are best in the world by a long way.

8. James Hird. He does not appear to be the celebrity to be sent into the jungle.

9. Chelsea. A few more wins get them over the line. ManU not far away, but need to score more often.

Wrap - Stars and Hype

1. Am I missing something re the Sydney Chunder? They win the thing last year...they retire two stars (Hussey and Kallis) and replace them with no one. They are batting Pat Cummins at number 6...pathetic depth and no strike power. The fans deserve better. Watson will not be the answer just quietly. They are spoon bound. You need plenty of good bats to triumph. Look at WA Scorchers...they have it. So do the Hobartians.

2. This bloke Matt Lodge (the NY menace) and Fifita. The game needs to slam these blokes. It does not need them if they can't behave. Surely an NRL ban on any writing in arms/ tape/ padding is required too? Lodge had a stint with this nonsense too. Why the NRL does not insist on that for all players is beyond me. They need pure champions, not fallen angels, prisoners and the dark side. The game's image is forever being battered. A hard sell to parents long term.

3. Chad Robinson. An extremely sad tale. Depression and massive gambling debts seem to plague many NRL players. What is ever put in place for retirees other than a Grand Final Day farewell? They need to strengthen the support and training pathways...When the adulation dies off and the autographs fade, what is left? The coaching boxes and commentary boxes are crowded places.

4. Boxing Day Test. There seems to be a sort of national betrayal when we play teams that are not England, India or South Africa in this national day. The others wouldn't fill Punt Road. Now that Melbourne is surrendering its 'sports mad' title to Brisbane and Perth, they don't seem so interested either. Their cricket crowds are lower than their football crowds.

Warner due for a score. Hopefully he can exhibit the required composure. It has been a long time coming. Had to agree with his straight talk post the Gabba Test. We won. We are on a roll - not the losing team. We need to bat well in Melbourne. Too often we have crumbled on Day One.

It has been a long time since a team getting 477 in their first innings loses a Test. England had a wretched time of it on the sub continent v India. We will be similar.

5. The ICC Team of the year omitted Smith, Moeen Ali and Virat Kohli. Based on dates and early cut offs. Clearly the ICC can now get nothing right at all - ever. What a disgrace. Move the dates lads - make it a calendar year...surely that is not too difficult.

6. Bill Lawry. His return is eagerly anticipated to the commentary cheam. Some sanity. I don't think a commentary team of Slater-Healey-Clarke gives enough. I noticed the great Tony Cozier died this year. I missed that one, but one of the great voices. They need more credibility at Channel 9 - and more antagnoism. They would not be hurt by a Crash Craddock or Mike Coward adding a bit of steel and controversy to it all. There needs to be more aggro between the commentators. We got this with Ian and Tony..Bill and Tony. Now we have a sameness to it all.

7. The cash being offered EPL stars out of Chinese football is staggering. They might have the best league in the world before too much longer.

8. I like Eddie Jones' idea re Super Rugby. Get rid of the Rebels and the Force and stop pretending.

9. Is the Sydney to Hobart race getting worse each year? No one gives a bugger about the rich guy in a massive boat looking to break the race record. They want stories of triumph over adversity. They want storms and toughness. They want fewer celebrities and more excitement! The footage of the whole thing becomes very tired once they leave the heads.

Wrap - Garry Galah

1. "Garry...well bowled Garry"...Matthew Wade is adding brilliantly to the crowd culture, but not that much else. Dropped catches. Missed stumpings. He is just not good enough with the gloves. His bat seems a bit average too. Nevill is a likely starter in India.

Garry (Nathan Lyon) was cheered louder than anyone. He has fought back really well from being on the cusp of extinction! The Gabba is the best deck in Australia by a long shot now. GOAT.

2. As predicted, Nic Maddinson is definitely a fish out of water. He has always had talent but has always lacked poise and self discipline too. Test cricket is not the playground for a risky temperament or inconsistent technique. Kurtis Patterson should always have been selected ahead of him. Younger and now two Tests the poorer. Handscombe's composure and focus is impressive.

Suddenly with no more extended cricket across Australia, Maddinson may retain his spot. Unbelievable.

3. Sarfraz is a good bat. Not sure of a connection to the great Sarfraz Narwaz who was disliked like many Pakistani players over the years...eg: Javed Miandad, Inzamman...They have errors in them Pakistan! That or TAB tickets...you never know which one sadly.

4. Cricket has ridiculous nonsense around wet weather. Umpires are out of touch. Delays and silly time reschedules. Wake up and join the 21st Century. It's warm in here.

5. Big Bash time this week. A time when the second TV comes into its own for the rest of the family. Remember too, start strategising about offloading the Foxtel movie package (if you have not already) in preparation for the footy season. Saturday night is dad time. The movie package of course is either far too expensive/ out of date/ not enough variety. Take your pick.

6. NRL. Just when we thought there was an outbreak of normal behaviour, right on cue Kenny Edwards produces a domestic violence charge. That would be Radeangurangoo, Edwards and the new Rabbits signing fro mthe same Eels squad now...maybe throw in Corey Norman too. Plenty of work for lawyers.

7. Besart Berisha has some sort of killer instinct. He is an absolute winner. A goal scorer like no other in the A League. Hated by opponents - loved by teammates!

8. ManU recovering, but Chelsea will be hard to peg back now. 9 points ahead is significant in the EPL! They have strung together a massive 11 wins in a row...

Wrap - Raju, Raju, Raju

1. Boys we are at a lean time of the year for Sport. When the A League is about it you are in trouble...and motorsport - or the UFC. Bring on the Big Bash I say! (Is it just me or is there something really annoying about Mark Waugh? I have heard he won't go to his mailbox without a cheque from Australia Post for a guest appearance).

2. The ODI series win against NZ always makes us feel warm and pleasant inside. Warner dominant and Smith amazing...but who else? Maybe Head was good. Starc awesome. But Finch and Bailey need to go. Surely we have better than both...Lynn? Then we realise we beat no one of consequence.

Pakistan will give it to us and a few techniques will be hung out to dry as usual. Worried about this Renshaw - and Maddinson. Both have huge flaws in their style. Hopefully they can withstand the heat from Aamir (Sohail the great man) the spot fixer, Riaz and co.

Noticed talk of a 'red card' for cricket this week...only a matter of time. Remember where you heard it first, but I personally feel the sin bin is best...5 overs off (= 10 overs if you bowl)...10 overs off (= 20 overs if you bowl).

3. Virat Kohli continues to dominate - three double tons in a year. As Dolf would say, the problem with Kohli is he just does not seem to produce runs when it matters. In India he is near invincible. He will be really anxious when Nathan Lyon gets hold of him though...(not!). Gotta laugh when a number 9 scores a Test ton. Yadav. A common Indian name...Shivlal springs to mind. We will get thumped over there. Badly thumped...

I must say I am disappointed that there a dearth of great Indian names at present...outside of your regular Ravis and Jayants...there is nothing like VVS Laxman, Laxmanan Sivaramakrishnan, or indeed my personal favourite, Venkatapathy Raju!

Richie Benaud loved this one - cue your best Richie voice - and say after me: "Rar - jyu!".

4. Great to see a good swimming coach story in summer. Usually it is a stray pill in the bag, a child abuse tale, a catastrophic meltdown or a bureaucratic nightmare. This one? Dennis Cotterill earning a million in China to coach their drug tainted group.

5. Nice to see Leicester bump out Man City. Rare gold for them this year.

6. I am disappointed the NRL can only give us a few lame staged fights at this stage of the year...should be about time for a drug scandal/ nite club scandal/ dog incident...instead the AFL seem to be hogging the headlines - especially with their player payment dispute.

7. This won't mean much to some of you, but the Boston Redsox have traded a lot of young talent for Chicago Whitesox pitcher, Chris Sale. An impressive snare. This could tip them into super favouritism next season. Noticed Bryce Harper is looking for a $400 million extended deal. Not bad coin.

8. Kgyrios and coach Philippoussis ...they deserve each other. One sounds like crap and the other has an attitude like crap. Give it six weeks.