Wrap - Mankad Mania

1. NRL Penalties. Penalties are the cruellest punishment in the NRL. I must say that if you are at the bottom of the table, you get penalised much more readily than a 'high flyer'. Melbourne rarely get pinged and are the worst at it. Why is that? Fewer penalties need to be the NRL's goal if it is to remain the premiere TV choice to watch.

The abundance of 'get square' penalties in the NRL in the attacking 22 metre zone requires some serious attention. The penalty happy refs can even things up, but it is no real advantage to the attacking team (especially if they are trying to make up points). Penalty goals don't win modern footy games.

One idea, is that ANY penalty given away in that attacking 22 metre zone meets with a five minute sin bin (player waits in a box behind the posts). He re-enters if the attacking team score a try - or after five minutes. This will sort out the problem.

The deliberate kick dead of the past has been ironed out with the fast 22 metre re-start. A great innovation.

2. The NRL Offload. This can be worth as much as ten extra metres and is again proving to be the most valuable attacking strategy in an otherwise predictable attacking pattern in EVERY NRL team...block plays...terrible 'wish' bombs... Is the game becoming too formulaic? We need some new coaches on the scene who are not Brian Smith clones. Who can be innovative and different? We had Jack Gibson-Warren Ryan-Wayne Bennett-Brian Smith - now Craig Bellamy impersonators...

3. NRL Update. St George march on, but went to sleep...the Panthers remain asleep and the Sharks are by far the most unified team in the NRL. They will put Bird's defection to the side, but they are strong. Melbourne are amazing, but boring. Raiders bring excitement and interest. Matt Moylan is a really decent bloke. He was on my staff for two years, but is not a loud leader type.

Is James Graham next to go? A million $$ back ended contract...crazy.

4. AFL. Is it any surprise that all teams are now wise up to the 'push' of the Swans and the Hawks which has been so mesmerising over the past five years. Their surprise swarming defence is the same for every team now. Business as usual. Geelong and Adelaide look awesome early. A long way to go yet, but the Hawks and Swans are up against it. Both need some serious roster changes for the future. Even Richmond are winning!

5. Waratahs. Some bright rugby type scheduled a bye on Easter weekend when crowd numbers may have rescued sponsors from the mire. They cannot get anything right. Their coach Gibson needs to go. He is a fool in critiquing other Australian franchises when the Waratahs may have been a better choice to be given the punt on present form.

6. IPL. Steve Smith, Dave Warner, Henriques, Lynn and Tye have all excelled so far. The IPL table is unpredictable. There are no certainties with those dodgy pitches under lights!

Interested to see the new ICC cricket rules this week. Cannot for the life of me see why they have gotten rid of 'handling the ball' as a mode of dismissal, but kept it under 'obstructing the field' instead. There will now be "Mankad" mania in park cricket. Interested to see the arrival of a bin for dickhead cricketers. Could be a big innovation. Looking for the first international cricketer to be sent there!

7. Chelsea...Chelsea...their demise is something else. An unassailable lead has been minced. They could be in trouble but have an easier run into home.

8. A League. Liam Reddy's effort with the ball at his feet as the goalkeeper, well out of his goal area was terrible. No wonder he has played at more clubs than Slim Dusty. Surely Sydney FC will win the comp given their record breaking win this season. I can see Melbourne Victory lifting and Perth Glory look like they have more goals in them than most.

9. Lewis Hamilton. He is a prize goose. His effort in pit lane was disgraceful. He should be suspended.

10. Bells Surfing. Mick Fanning seems to be the gatekeeper of Bells most years. A gun.

Wrap - Spoons - The Teak, the Maple, The Mahogany, The Pine, The Cedar...

1. You heard it here first. After this weekend, it is clear that Newcastle will not get the spoon. They have spirit, if not points. The Tigers? Nup...The Titans? They have too much fight. It is also clear that Parramatta will now go close to spoon winners this year again. They have no answers. Not a young bloke in the District who is better than Takiarangi at five eight? Please. Not an offload or an ounce of creativity amongst the bone brained forwards? No goalkicker?

It looks like Brad Arthur may have finally read The Wrap. He was quick to move his 'rock solid' five eight Gutherson to avoid Foran. Sadly it did nothing. He has even signed Mitchell Moses after looking closely at Jack Bird. Brad Arthur is a big part of the problem. He trims a goalkicking fullback who goes to the Roosters, does not get a goalkicker (tries to cover it by sounding out Kyle Feldt) then admits his Gutherson experiment is an abject failure by seeking all sort of replacements in Round 4! Is this the same bloke who could not get the Eels to the semis two years ago when they needed one win from their last three games? 

Parramatta have a fine array of recent 'woodware' - The Teak, the Maple, The Mahogany, The Pine, The Cedar...it is a disgrace. Cronk...arrives from The Storm but Parra sign Mitchell Moses? And their halves combination is fine? Gimme a break.

Conversely, Cronulla played amazingly well to toss the Storm. Brilliant stuff. Saints were a stand out too. Really like that McInnes as hooker. 

2. Pickle juice. Is this the greatest hoax in the NRL since the Powerbalance wrist band? We may need to ask Benji Marshall.

3. Anthony Griffin? Not sure of the success of the dramatic disciplinary move pre game. Micky Arthur may have a view on that! When you lose, it looks like a coach who has lost the plot and over reacted. He seems as though he has not learned much from being punted by the Broncos. He strikes me as too arrogant for that part of Sydney.

4. Waratahs. Perrenial losers. Have we hit rock bottom yet? Is this the best our state can produce...? Surely this is an utter embarrassment. Australian rugby is unhealthy despite the rhetoric. We may well never win another Bledisloe in our lifetime! NSW may be the franchise sold down the river from that other bastion of world sport incompetence and mismanagement - SANZAR. Get rid of the Japansese Jokers and the Argentina Alligators for starters.

5. The Swans at 0-3 are in a deep hole. The low hand ball was smothered easily and there was some really bad hands...even if it was a little greasy. Sam Reid was terrible for a forward. Swans taking contested marks are non-existent. Hayward looks great, but still not enough pace in the ranks for mine. I watched the Swans Reserves in the NEAFL on Saturday too. (The great Luke Robbo was playing). Unfortunately in that squad, there is not much pace there either. They need a player purge.

A few key upsets this weekend...Hawks down again, Gold Coast Suns win (yes, not a misprint) and the Western Bulldogs going down to Freo. The comp has started against all expectations. Eade and Buckley (Pies) look like world beaters this week!

6. Far from hailing the great Nick Kygrios for his Davis Cup efforts (how could we ever bring ourselves to this?), Kygrios and Jordan Thompson did remarkably well. He is a supreme talent but an unpredictable deadbeat too. A great effort to get through into the semis of the competition. Real tough from here, but Hewitt is the man to achieve greatness for us, if it can happen.

7. The Masters. How good is golf? The showdown between Rose and Garcia - and who knows...maybe Scott, will be intriguing. The traffic is always a bit thinner on the Monday morning of the Masters finishing. The tension and the size of the galleries is always outstanding! It never disappoints. Somehow I think the green jacket will be more prized than the Arnold Palmer winner who gets a red cardigan!

8. Noticed the Aussies have been doing well in the first week of the IPL. Smith 90+, Lynn 90+ and Maxwell a typical blinding aggressive innings. How is this thing funded? No one watches it out here.

Is Steve O'Keefe getting ahead of himself a bit...slagging off at other cricketers? And women cricketers...please.  He sounds like a prize tool. 

9. EPL. Chelsea are home, but ManU continue to stutter. Jose could yet be hosed away! Tottenham have had a great year!

10. The A League is the longest running sideshow in the joint. 55 round games wears a bit thin eventually. Then the semis hit and it is all over in a second. The prized "dunny seat" trophy is then at rest.

Wrap - Just Then Alice Springs Into Action

1. AFL. The standard of umpiring when a local Victorian team plays an interstate team is really poor. The inability to cope with pressure situations should have a new mental health sponsor on the back of the umpires' green shirts. The visitors get stitched up quite frankly. The Swans again felt this at a clutch moment of a strong game. This is a huge issue for the AFL which has not been addressed since last year's Grand Final. Zero points for Swans and Hawks is unusual. Two wins for the Demons and Richmond is hard to fathom. Both Adelaide teams look strong simultaneously. A rare day.

Surely Eade is first coach sacked in 2017 - or maybe even Buckley at the Pies.

The Swans have not learned why the Bulldogs succeeded last year - fitness and pace. Swans have no pace still...why? Longmire needs to sharpen the axe. One of Jack or Hannerbery need to go in favour of a paceman. Hawthorn had to do this to Mitchell...it happens in elite sport.

2. A big congratulations for Victoria in winning the Sheffield Shield final that was put in Alice Springs by an absolute administrative dunce. Do they know what the game is up there?

Victorian players who have all failed to make or just failed to impress on the Test stage - White, Finch, Quiney, Holland, Ahmed, Boland, Christian... all seemed to be able to hold it together to win again.

In the current cricketing environment, is a Shield win a sign that the players are second rate? Good second rate. I note Victoria have now won three in a row.

3. NRL. The battle for the spoon is on...Tigers, Eels and Knights. No one wants to admit it, but the Eels were again terrible - unable to defend for any large stretch without giving away penalties. Forwards OK. Halves a weak combination. Outside backs old. Jennings and takarangi are showing signs of their careers needing to end...or be ended. Fullback, Bevan French, talented but too small and short (notice the bombing raids that are now growing). Nonetheless, Bulldogs and Sharks showed everyone how to 'win tough'.

4. What a lame loss to India in the cricket by Australia. We seemed to accept it was a good effort to get that close. Not good enough for mine. A few names should be scrubbed off future teams - Shaun Marsh, Mitchell Marsh...how you could not give Khawaja a run is beyond me. Those who will need to see a financial adviser about the future: Wade, Bird. Those who will never ever do as well as this: O'Keefe.

Chadd Sayers again tops the Shield wickets - and Ed Cowan the runs. A chance for a national call up?

5. Kane Williamson is nearly as prolific as Steve Smith. Quite superb. Quention de Kock is still killing it. A very talented keeper-bat who is doing what Gilchrist used to do. Every team needs a solid  rock or de Kock.

6. Roger Federer. Unbelievable stickability and form at his age. He is the greatest there has been in men's tennis.

7. The US Masters is upon us. Dustin Johnson is surely the biggest favourite for a while. Is Tiger finished in golf. I suspect so...

8. Leicester are suddenly winning. ManU look set to not make the top four (incredible) and Chelsea are getting the shakes on the run home, but should hang on. Two teams set to drop - Middlesborough and Sunderland, but the third will be interesting. It certainly brings the best out of some teams when relegation hovers! It also makes for a very exciting end to the season as the axe looms.

Wrap - Evaporating Smiles

1. Cricket v India. Shaun 'Marsh - mallow' is as inconsistent as the quality of your average toaster at a hotel breakfast buffet (or the arrival of the local newspaper). He played well last week to help rescue us, but his first innings dismissal was soft. His old man Geoff was tough, resilient and uncompromising. He and his brother are the opposite too often. We have also not missed Mitchell in any way.

At the base of those snow capped Himilayan mountains. Could be the best ground in the world? Kohli as twelfth man...please! He is a pest. Worse when he is not scoring runs.

But again how wasteful is our middle order? Are Shaun Marsh and Glenn Maxwell two of the most unreliable cricketers ever to don the baggy green? When they work everyone loves them...when they don't everyone expects it. Like Sydney trains.

2. Does the Dali Lama breed lamas? Heard of a bloke who bred German shepherds till he worked out they could do it themselves.

3. Owen Wright. A tremendous surfing achievement last week. Won the Quiksilver Pro last week after a freak concussion head injury which turned bad. A pretty amazing comeback effort.

4. Brisbane Broncos. They look really impressive. Even though they have struggled for victories so far, their home ground is an amazing advantage. Matt Gillett is something else. A big and athletic team. Semi final bound.

5. Manly's defence is exceptional at present. Cowboys a bit up and down, but the Broncos, Raiders, Cronulla, Panthers, Storm and Roosters will be there! The rest won't be.

Parramatta? Incompetent halves and no leadership/ goalkicker. No surprise to see them now chasing Jack Bird and Kyle Feltd. A bit late for 2017 where 10-12th spot might be theirs if they are lucky. Time to call up a young five eight. They have not blooded a young Junior for years. Young Anthony Layoun is worth a shot at No. 6.

6. Socceroos. Is it any surprise that mediocre results have followed the current mediocre crop? We need to lift and Ange needs to smile.

7. Speaking of which....Jason Taylor. Is he now coaching poison? He and Ray Price hold the record for the longest period of time not smiling in the NRL. His coaching career is not up in flashing lights...more like malfunctioning neon lights which spit, splutter and fail.

8. Western Sydney Wanderers are bouncing along nicely all of a sudden. They will now play semis by the look of it! Amazing in football how three point wins can close gaps and open them up real quickly.

9. F1. Riccardo couldn't take a trick, but Vettel is a winner every day of the week. A great drive to beat the unbelievable Lewis Hamilton.

10. Like the cut of Boyd Cordner's improving attitude and maturing gib. A good skipper for the Blues this year.

11. Victoria v South Australia in the Shield Final in Alice Springs. Hot, muggy and just about as deserving a venue as possible for a competition not valued by any selectors in Australia. Pathetic.

12. Rugby League Rule Change. Argue with the ref used to be a 10 metres penalty. Where has this gone? Deliberately not give the ball over in a turn over situation - a 20 metre penalty. Parramatta would then just about set a world record of penalties.

Wrap - Getting That Bad Deal Eel Feel

1. Here we go again...Parramatta Eels. The same song and record...The halves are a huge issue with this club. There is ZERO leadership. Foran was the man and now he has gone to the pack. Norman is very talented, but when missing.. Robson (?). Please. He was done years ago. Is there not a young dasher from the whole of their junior nursery? Throw in the world's worst five eight - Clinton Gutherson - and you have a cross field crab with no willingness to take on the line and a kicking game from the John Donnelly coal miner's collective. Hopeless. He has too many duties too soon - including goal kicking. Good haircut though.

The ability of that squad of hopeless decision makers to make poor decisions under pressure and their ill discipline is a product of the chequered police and misbehaving past of 90% of that squad. Throw in no recognised goal kicker and you really have to question where this joint is heading. Down the tubes again in 2017? Likely.

They need leadership on the field and less fools, numb nuts and bone brains. That would clear their roster out big time. Does Arthur not see these things?

2. 'Not So Super' Rugby...easiest decision of the lot. can Melbourne and Perth and play the game where it counts - on the north shore of Sydney. You can expand it into North Sydney, a squad at Cremorne and Northbridge and another at Narremburn. Done.

I can hear a Gibson axe sharpening at the Waratahs...They are lucky they are not the franchise to be poleaxed. Terrible start and leaking so many points speaks of an entrenched bad attitude. The cold months will bring zero crowds.

3. Cricket. Pat Cummins is fast and exciting.... Our first innings bats were wasteful. Warner's brain is back at Waverley. Shaun Marshmallow is typically soft (by the way is that an arm injury I feel coming on?), Handscomb's technique has been found out and Matthew 'BrainFade' Wade continues to show why his average in tests in less than 20. He cannot show enough patience or discipline. On the other hand, Indian batsmen rarely waste an opportunity. They capitalise. Pujara has been a rock. We don't really look like getting him out. If we are behind by 100 - 150 we will lose by an innings.

Sad to see Kohli failing. Not since Miandad, Brearley, Boycott, Symcox, Harbajhan Singh has there been a more hated cricketer in Australia.

4. Manly's effort v North Queensland was something else. Their defence for a team seemingly sliding out backwards was very strong. To win in North QLD on a Saturday night as an away team is very rare. A good sign for their supporters. Penrith and Roosters will both be in the mix come September.

5. Leicester look safe now. New coach and a few lazy players' careers on the line? Voila! an insulting way to treat the winning coach and they should be hanging their heads in shame, despite the recent good form.

6. England rugby. A lame way to end the Nations tournament with a loss to Ireland, but the Irish are always spirited. Eddie Jones must not be able to remember what winning felt like. he presided over that many losses for Australia.

7. South African cricket. Dominant in all forms of the game. Number one nation by a mile at present.

8. Winx. What an amazing run...and to do it by so far on a Heavy 10 track...tremendous stuff. As Bruce McIvaney would say "special".

Wrap - Marshes and Swamps

1. Kohli. He behaved like a spoilt rich kid whose shit does not stink. His behaviour on the field was appalling. His run of outs has been exhilarating. Can't believe Starc is injured yet again. Pleased he played in the useless NZ ODI series....Cummins coming in could be useful, but he is hittable! Has an injury been better timed than Mitchell Marsh's latest one? The Marsh brothers have a high injury prone: resilience ratio. Often when form fades. 

However what has not been analysed is how soft our batting was - Wade has not done enough. If he's in the team for his "spirit" we are in trouble.

2. Cronulla looked sharp. They are definitely going to shake the comp. Gus Gould made a goose of himself suggesting they Segeyaro will be a great addition although their young hooker looked tremendous. The Storm is still dominant.

3. Parramatta win again and Semi is the main man. Unfortunately his efforts are going to be undermined by the absence of a decent goal kicker. Surely Brad Arthur thought about this. His love affair with Gutherson has reached fever pitch. He offers very little in defence and his left to right pass is awful. Good haircut however.

4. Tim Simona is looking for a start at Lottoland. The stupidity of the bets are staggering. However I am not buying the confession articles in the Sunday Telegraph this weekend. He is trying to pave the way for a return, but ripping off a charity? Please. That alone should see him barred. He needs a lot of time to make amends. The spots of a leopard are hard to remove. The sadness of a gambling addict is immense.

5. Another rugby union fiasco in the last few moments of the game will continue to consign the game to the last choice of sport fans. Refs look for penalties too closely and the closer the game, the loser the look. Too much power. Too much control. Reds dudded. Crusaders swamp them again.

6. Little Lincolntown got smashed 5-0 to see Arsenal and Man City into the FA Cup. Wenger still seems to get some results. Unfortunately he seems to win the wrong cups.

7. AFL. Get into the comp please...the longest pre season in the history of sport. None of it matters.

8. Tahs will just fall in a heap in 2017. Awful. This coach worries me.

Wrap - Indian Stir

1. NRL. Saints looked very fit and aggressive. I really liked their hooker McInnes who got them moving forward quickly. They looked fit and sharp. Parramatta will want to lift to beat them next week. 'Parra 1947' were steady, but not overly impressive. I still have major concerns over Gutherson at five eight. His shoulders are going to be sore in a couple of weeks. He may be the greatest turnstile since Jason Taylor was before him. He is fit and has some ability but he is simply not strong enough. Full stop.

2. Souths are in a deep pit now Inglis is done. Throw the Knights, Warriors and Sea Eagles in there too. The Roosters looked good. The Tigers were exciting too and the Storm are just phenomenal. Their record is so good and the last ten years of NRL have been totally dominated by them. The losers? Raiders and Sharks will feature in the semis.

3. Cricket. This Renshaw is a cool cat. He can be hard to crack and has shown amazing steel in his short career. The conditions in India are tough - and in fact - some would say deliberately manipulative for their own purposes. Facing an opposing team that has focus and talent can trouble this tactic. However as we all know, it can all fall apart in a single session.

The problem we faced was slow scoring in pursuit of a total because it slowly got India back into the game. The Australian tenacity was exceptional however.

4. How do Indians learn to appeal for everything? B9s in India must be some sort of sight.

It is the only country where a single is cheered like a six.

The need to practice their DRS calls...they came kicking and screaming into the 21st Century and now have been levelled by the DRS - and their incompetent judgement. Kohli's temperament is being found out. His on field demeanour at times is terrible.

5. Shaun Marsh has stood up under immense pressure. A fifty on this pitch is like a ton. First innings runs are even better. Mitchell Marsh has again struggled with a terrible mully grubber underlining how cruel the game can be. He seems to find it.

Wade has been handy as keeper, but needs runs. A solid 30 or 40 would put critics to sleep...for the time being.

6. A-League. Looking a lot like the "B League" when it gets wet.

7. Leicester. Interesting that when a coach is dumped, players' poor performance is exposed - and voila...their performance improves. They are on the line and have been really poor in their collective treatment of old man Ranieri.

8. Waratahs and Rebels. Exposing our defensive problems big time. Huge losses really.

9. Phil Gould's comments about the Sharks and their "soft" premiership win are out of line. Gus must be ready to retire. He can join Warren Ryan.