Wrap - Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah...

1. The Parramatta Police Incident and Jail Team. It appears as though Parramatta are continuing to put together a great team of quality blokes who make really good decisions under pressure. "Never trained harder...really excited about the new season ahead...looking sharp (cue: new signing photo in local paper)...feeling fresh....'

Most problems are occurring at night and Parramatta officials have apparently called the NRL looking for day games only. Apparently too, Tim Mannah was recently re-signed for three years mainly because he is the only sober bloke who can drive to the local Police station to bail these fools out of trouble...

1. Jarryd Hayne (shot at in King's cross and consorting issues)
2. Semi Radrardra (DV charges)
3. Michael Jennings (niteclub fight with Police)
4. Kirisome Auva'a  (new signing from Rabbits - DV charges)
5. Vai Toutai - (glassing a bikie - retribution pending)
6. Corey Norman (drug possession, consorting warning)
7. Keiran Foran (gambling/ consorting charges)
8. Junior Paulo (consorting issues/ M4 road rage incident)
9. Reni Matiau (cocaine issues; tat issues)
10. Peni Terepo (Auckland drink driving charges)** up the charts with a bullet.
11. Kenny Edwards (DV charges; punched a fan in the head and was barred from the Gold Coast precinct)
12. Ma'ua Mau (clink - reformed)
13. Danny Wicks (clink - retired)

RESERVES:
Eric Grothe Snr (molotov cocktail onto own blue Falcon car)
Paul Mares (molotov cocktail onto car - assistant)
Chris Sandow (street fighting, car crash runaway)
Tim Smith (stole coach Smith's car at Wakefield and crashed it)
Taumalina Toutai (drink driving)
Mitchell Allgood (drink driving)
Jason Smith (cocaine wholesaler)

CEOs/ ADMIN:
Take your pick.

What about the 2017 leadership group announced in the off season by Coach Arthur: Beau Scott, Tim Mannah as co-captains as well as Corey Norman, Frank Pritchard, Issac De Gois, Tepai Meroa, Manu Ma’u and Michael Jennings. You'd be feeling unlucky if you missed out. More chiefs than indians and three from the above team of reckless clowns. A long, long season ahead.

2. The Big Bash. It comes to an end, but what joy it has brought to the non-cricket loving wife. Every night (except when the ODI games are on). Not sure what the Channel 10 wardrobe folk will do with the pink-lime-blue shirts for the commentators now. The commentator rotation with the tan chinos was becoming a little predictable. Hopefully Channel 9 miss out on getting the BBL rights. It works as it is although not sure it converts us all into jungle watchers... Steve Price, gimme a break.

3. The Scorchers. Hard to toss at The Furnace! Justin Langer has done great work there. Why International Cricket teams don't sign him up as their national coach is a mystery. Such offers could accelerate Lehmann's demise. Langer has a calm ruthlessness and should coach Australia next. 

The crazy crap of Lehmann on Twitter re Geeves, Kevin Peterson...what is he thinking? Losing perspective. A common trait of those who become too self absorbed. The beginning of the end. Lose the Twitter rants and regather some form.

4. The Australian cricket selectors have lost the plot again...Sam Heazlet after an average of less than 20 and no ODI games for his state. And Behrendorf? He hasn't played at all for ages.

Since 2013 in ODIs we have had bowlers galore: Cutting, Coulter-Nile, Abbott, Sandhu, Paris, Stoinis, Richardson, Ahmed, Tremain, Agar, Zampa, Boland, Stanlake...now Behrendorf....NONE have stayed to make the grade permanently.

Have we got a problem Houston? Especially when we use BBL form for Australian selection in longer forms of the game.

5. Novelty Prize Winning Nuffies. I continue to be amazed at how poor the quality of catcher is at innings breaks and different on-field promotions. They never seem to have good hands. Sadly the alligator hands are alive and well. Have seen some disgraceful behaviour on kiss cam too...with the standard of kissing or the motioning towards other body parts...

6. Serena Williams - 23 Grand Slam titles is awesome. Power plus and ruthless attitude. She will go close at Wimbledon and the French to beating Margaret Court's record. At the presentation, poor old Hanna Mandlikova looked really over weight. Maybe Margaret Court could have presented the bling to Serena while she was there. More Jehovahs than the Life of Brian movie.

7. Champions - Men's Australian Open Tennis. As predicted last week, Federer and Rafa made it through as Djokovic and Murray bit the hard court. (Whatever happened to 'Rebound Ace' as a surface...just driveways perhaps now?). Two polite experts of their craft. To have a 17 time Grand Slam winner play a 14 time Grand Slam winner (9 French Opens) was pretty amazing.Superb standard.

8. New England Patriots under Tom Brady's expert eye are into another Super Bowl. Their record is amazing under coach Bill Belichick. What happened to "deflategate" this year...any controversies or accusations yet?

9. Liverpool have gone "Ker-Plopp" post Christmas in the EPL and FA Cup and every other cup, chalice, receptacle league. Can't win a thing! 

10. Auckland Nines. Love the concept (like the old SFS Sevens weekend). Expect injuries and problems, but if the sun comes out it will be huge. There may also be a whinging NRL coach or two - who would have thought...?

Wrap - Cricket Fiascos

1. Cricket Fiasco 1 - Boundary Ropes. These have become a scourge on the modern game of cricket. Sure, more advertising space for betting companies (has anyone noticed the new growth industry of money grabbing companies on TV - Nimble, Cash Train and Wallet Cash). Boundary ropes are also too far in and they have become a circus that slows the whole show down. Is it too much to ask that if the ball hits the rope it is four...The current situation is one of the few places Pythagoras' Theorem is still applied.

2. Cricket Fiasco 2 -Giant Sightscreens. When did it become necessary for giant sightscreens and cloth covers knocking out hundreds of seats...? Has it added anything to the game? There have been batsmen who saw the ball better with a sight screen you pushed into place with half cut idiots hanging off the side. Precious current players.

3. Cricket Fiasco 3 - Run Outs. This business where the bat can bounce up despite the fact you have already made your ground. Please! How does this work...? Grounded once = safe!

4. Cricket Fiasco 4 - the sightscreen that doesn't turn around and delays play. A cracker.

5. Are we missing any of these great cricket memories?

A. The Crowd rushing onto the field to field the ball mid game before the ball reaches the boundary...before it hits the boundary.

B. The crowd running on to shake hands or do the back slap for the ton (last bloke was Fat Cat Ritchie at Sabina Park in the Windies).

C. The crowd leaning over the fence to get the ground ball then throwing it back over the chasing player's head.

D. Players driving around the ground hanging out the Benson and Hedges International Cricketer of the Year Car. The Benson and Hedges signage? The car itself on display at the ground?

E. TV commentary: the recorded voice grab when you get off the mark, getting to fifty, reaching the tin..."it's always great to get off the mark..."

F. The MCG practice wickets.

G. Sideline cranky player interviews when players get out.

H. The dog track at The Gabba and the QLD Cricketers Club umbrellas.

I. The post match shadows in the terribly lit MOTM ceremony with AW Greig.

J. The pre-match weather wall.

K. Richie late night highlights show post ODI's in Sydney.

I. The Sidchrome spanners advertsements.

6. Newcastle Knights. The joint is a joke. After the private ownership debacle, the loss of Sims (Broncos traitor), Pauli Pauli (car crash) and Jarrod Mullen (drugs) just about guarantees them the wooden spoon. They are hogging the headlines from Parramatta. Unfair.

7. Virat Kohli. I am predicting three tons v Australia. He has immense strength and steel. Remarkably, he averages over fifty in all three forms of the game. NO OTHER batsman does this. Could be the greatest since Bradman (or Voges). Incredible.

8. Steve Smith is also awesome. Memo: Steve Smith lose the headband. Nathan Bracken is our only sad headband wearer.

9. Sir Andy? Please...these knighthoods are given out like confetti. I think Ian Bell has one too. His loss is the most exciting thing to happen in Australian TV since Fran Powell won the Mercedes on Sale of the Century. Roger and Rafa may be stronger chances now. Stan The Man will take some beating though.

10. Is the smartest and luckiest athlete all week, year and century, Ben Hunt? He is a glaring oddity when placed alongside blokes on a similar salary - Inglis, Thurston, Boyd...Good luck to him. Saints are desperate.

11. Bagging Selectors. I thought I did a good job of this, but enter nearly every spinner in Australia - Jon Holland, Adam Zampa... Although these names selected in recent times bring cause for concern: Boland, Worrall, Mennie, Maddinson, Cartwright, Stanlake...unluckiest of all is Chadd Sayers who never ever got a start!

12. Pakistan. Terrible fielding. Terrible attitude. You would not know if they are fixing matches they are so bad. Their supporters bought every bit of cardboard from every shop pre game - still not enough!

Wrap - Middle Stump

1. The arrival of Carlos Brathwaite seems to have enlivened the Sydney Thunder. Not sure they can win it, but his character is enough to get people through the gate. I am surprised a team did not pick up Craig Anderson from NZ who is not in the Test team but who can hit. That David Miller (South Africa) is another golden pick up who is doing nothing at present.

How good is the nightly Big Bash coverage? Hopefully Channel 10 can hold onto the coverage rights and not let Channel 9 near it it.

2. Will Dave Warner ever hit the stumps for a run out? He's had more 'misses' than John Singleton. He needs to work on this element of his fielding. He could start with a baseball pitching coach. His chase/ dive/ throw is exemplary however.

3. The Indian Touring Test Squad. We have picked blokes on the scrapheap with a poor temperament - Glen Maxwell, Shaun Marsh, Mitchell Marsh - in the most testing of conditions. A few blokes are going to come out the other side as relics of their current selves. We should lose 4-0. Swepson as a leg spinner? Please...there was only one Shane Warne. Kohli will be very worried to see Lyon, O'Keefe, Maxwell and Agar in the team. He won't know whether to hit a 6 or 4 each ball. A bit like when Travis head bowls at you. I like this Michael Beer (a current one test wonder) better than most.

4. Our batting against slow bowling in the ODI series at present is terrible. Missing straight ones like they did in Sri Lanka. Wade will be terrible, despite our desire to select Test players based on ODI and T20 form.

5. What sort of individual takes up UFC as a sport? It has huge image issues, despite its emerging popularity amongst thugs and the callous.

6. A-League football refs have had an absolute shocker this weekend. Berisha's send off was ridiculous. The bloke who dived should get three weeks. We don't seem to be sending a strong message re this style of nonsense. It is what will singlehandedly kill the game in this country...posers, pretenders and stretchers taking off the fakers....

7. AFC Championship Game - New England under Tom Brady look certainties for the Superbowl.

Wrap - Dre Russ Dross

1. Is there a tougher or more stressful job than being the Pakistani fielding coach? They have been comical. Steve Rixon and Mickey Arthur are on shaky ground.

2. Channel 9 Commentary Team. Can there be a greater bunch of back slapping sycophants? There is such a ridiculous amount of matesy chit chat, it is terrible. No substance and no arguments. Ian v Tony? Tony v 'Bull'? Thank goodness for Bill Lawry who instilled ample amounts of sense and humour - "dear oh dear"; "clean as a whistle"; "that's the way he plays"...a joy.

3. As the summer of tennis escalates, tennis players with injuries who bail out mid game are set to annoy everyone more than ever. Sure they play hard but it is a blight on the game. Kgyrios remains a joke. Nadal is awesome. At world number 9, he looms as a huge danger for the Australian Open.

These competing tournaments of the Hopman Cup, Hobart, Brisbane, Kooyong, Super Four and the Sydney International are way too much...most of these spoilt brats see it as a ticket to practice - tank and move on. No pride.

4. Chris Lynn has absolutely awesome power. He is possibly the best we have ever seen in the T20 format. These bowlers are not hacks. They are talented but he makes it look ridiculously easy. He should play similarly when in the Australian set up. Courage is critical.

5. Dre Russ. He has been a massive disappointment and I suspect yet another big headed West Indian interloper. They are quite the party thing these blokes, travelling the world and doing little else. Too much cash.

6. Basketball. In light of the phenomenal accuracy of the modern player, how will this sport move with the times... does it need to become harder?

7. Rabada. Killing Sri Lanka. South African cricket is so far ahead of the rest of the world it is ridiculous. They are best in the world by a long way.

8. James Hird. He does not appear to be the celebrity to be sent into the jungle.

9. Chelsea. A few more wins get them over the line. ManU not far away, but need to score more often.