Wrap - One Handed Off Spidercam

1. In the absence of the Twelfth Man, Billy Birmingham who must be plaiting his hair this summer - or counting his cash - I present some key Indian cricketers of the summer:

The Indian Grandmother - Kumar
The Travel Agent - Sick of Darwin
The Car Cleaner - Mohammed Shami
Two Snake Sharmas - Ishant and Rohit
The Weatherman - Raina (quack)
The Ford - VJ
The V-Rat - Kohli.
and of course, Poo Jar whose sudden omission for the fourth test in Sydney had a bad smell about it.

2. Spidercam fiasco was a joke. At the time, Steve Smith, for all the good he has done this summer (and plenty of it), was struggling to get there and simply made up an excuse. He dropped another sitter at the other end off Kohli soon after, maybe the shadow was in his eyes there too.

3. Can someone tell me why Australia is always seemingly solely responsible for setting up each Test match for a result? This Indian team showed their traditional lack of interest in winning all through the test. At times this rated as one of the most boring tests on record. Tom Parker needs to visit the hall of mirrors. The media need to start serving it up to India and put them to the test. We again are genuflecting at the altar of their arrogance.

4. Apart from Johnson's little holiday camp from this test, Ishant Sharma also was reported to have had a neck injury - from the weight of his long hair.

5. Helmets. Am I the only one who cannot believe the inaction from Cricket Australia and the manufacturers around a new design for a helmet that will not have more players killed? We can send men to the moon but helmets still cannot be fixed. Hard to believe. Make the new design, call it mandatory and move on. Baseball helmets work a treat. Get it right and soon. Basic.

6. The highlight of the test in Sydney was the picture of Bob Hawke on the big screen sinking a beer at the cricket - at about 10.30am. My son asked me who that was and I said that is one of Australia's great Prime Ministers. He laughed and thought I was joking. Check out Hawkey's (less than a minute)magnificent previous SCG cricket form: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5mBShX9fdU

7. SCG Greencoat Stupidity I. I have stumbled across two magnificent pieces of modern day SCG stupidity. Bureaucracy gone bad. There are no cubicle dunnies in the new stand on the whole of level one and two! Can you believe this? No crappers. Must be a modern thing.

8. SCG Greencoat Stupidity II. There I was thinking that knocking out five hundred seats was a Stadium Australia thing to fudge the crowd numbers...I am officially wrong. What we have now is an extension on the farce of sightscreens. Typically we get the advertisement stuck at each major ground...or the thing won't move...common light relief. Now we get sight screen zones where spectators spanning many many rows are not allowed to move - EVEN when the batsman is facing the other way. JOKE! There are actually officials who police this through the day. Talk about absurd. Dopey bastards.