Wrap - Champion Clowns

1. Champions Trophy Cricket. What is this tournament? We are dead. Smith and Warner fail? We are done. Warner on a seaming deck is in trouble. He lacks patience at key times. Mediocre crowds abound.

Plenty of work ahead for (Rob) Duckworth and (Wally) Lewis who will be modelling the world's most complicated methodology with some regularity based on their weather. A terrible time in London at present.

However, I cannot believe in 2017 that we still have practice wickets on the main field! Amateur hour and bad viewing for the fans.

2. Rafael Nadal. Possibly 10 wins in the French Open. He is a legend like no others in the current game. Andy Murray can be so tiresome. An early exit with him is a god send.

3. Margaret Court. Who really cares? Did she actually say those things. I liked McEnroe's comment "sure let everyone marry...why should they be spared from the misery?". Margaret and Ille Nastase seem like a good pair.

4. AFL. GWS continue to ignite the comp and win the tight games. this is the key difference for those who are semi final bound. they do not lose tight games. Special mention to the West Coast Beagles who were appalling this week. Their efforts away from home are abysmal. They cannot win jack with that attitude.

5. NRL. State of Origin ripper mid week. The game played by Tedesco was superb. Fifita was immense. Queensland will be back however. They have some bottle and will not lie down...ever.

I am struggling with golden point. It is oh so predictable. We need to get golden try into it. This will showcase the real skills of the players. It would be absolutely captivating.

6. Ronaldo. A showpony like no other, but how skilled?

7. Waratahs. They are appalling and are contributing to the death of the code like no others. No intensity and play best in the last ten minutes when it doesn't matter.

Wrap - Silver Fox

1. The Origin and Bye rounds are a disaster. Great to see some heavyweights fall aside (Brisbane especially), but they disrupt the season. The tempo of the season is broken, but I am not sure how much State of Origin compensates for this. QLD at home will be hard to toss.

2. Every now and then a coach pulls something out of the fire...Arsne Wegner did just that in the FA Cup with Arsenal. A 2-1 victory over Chelsea on a huge stage. It is not a bad life that of the EPL coach...you have about five bites of the cherry in different cups to claim some silverware. God help you if you miss out.

3. AFL. GWS keep winning tight games and surging onwards. Their performance v West Coast over there was amazing. A million injuries, but rock solid. Conversely, Brisbane almost look like folding. They are a misery of the highest order.

4. Paul Gallen annoys a lot of people, but his performance v the Bulldogs on Saturday night was ridiculous. He ran the ball in key moments and secured the win by getting so close to the sticks that even the most incompetent field goal exponent could not miss.

5. Champions Trophy Cricket. A one day comp that fills the IPL coffers. Hardly riveting stuff. England appear to be favourites (Ben Stokes has been in unbelievable form, but this David Miller from South Africa hit the ball better than Kluesner!). When will South Africa rise up to win one of these competitions? Talk about no silverware.

6. I had to laugh seeing Rocket Eade on the massuer's table pre game. Bad neck or stiff luck? One for 'The Backpage'.

7. Noticed Sam Stosur is winning again pre French Open. She is dynamite on clay and terrible on grass. Like a few weekend golfers.

8. Is it conceivable that the greatest clay court player of all time - Rafael Nadal - will win a 10th French Open. This will never be beaten. He is a legend in every sense of the word.

Wrap - IPL, AFL, NRL, EPL and ECL

1. IPL. I must confess to following the IPL closely this year from afar. The size of this competition and its reach - let alone its money - is something to behold. In the end, Steve Smith and MS Dohni's team, Rising Pune Supergiants (RPS) lost by ONE run. Dan Christian and Adam Zampa played most games for RPS as well. Talk about a miracle...Mitchell Johnson led the Mumbai Indians to victory with his scintillating 3/23 and not giving up 11 runs in the last over.

The weather has turned the usual Indian pitches into low scoring grinds, taking some gloss off the usual higher scoring games. A Smith 51 was not good enough. It must be said that Bumrah is a superstar bowler of the future. With Johnson and Malinga, the Mumbai Indians had too much firepower.

2. State of Origin. Who would have thought - the annual Queensland whinging about a possible injury to Thurston (it is usually GI) and him "being in doubt". Away it goes again. Every year gets a bit boring. QLD should continue to pump NSW. Wallace's position in a NSW team as hooker was surely only paper talk. The cranky Nathan Peats hardly seems the ideal replacement. The St George hooker McInness is the best...maybe even young Brailey at Cronulla.

3. NSW Origin. This will be Daley's last show as NSW Origin coach if he picks Pearce and we lose. Pearce is not mentally strong enough to lead us to an Origin win. Coupled with ordinary forwards like Klemmer and Tamou...we need more go forward from the big blokes...Vaughan and Boyd...Hayne in the centres? He is a lazy whiner. We are in trouble.

4. Richmond Tigers. Their supporters are long suffering as they stutter and stammer their way to impossible defeats at the worst of times. The GWS team have learned a lot from their brutal 2016 semi final defeat by the Western Bulldogs and seem to have some newfound composure and steel when it gets tight. I note their injury toll has little effect on their power. They will be magnificent for some time. West Coast are the biggest pretenders in the show. Too weak away from home. Very weak. Adelaide seem to be the key squad at present, dominating in many facets. A 28 point season start is hard to peg back. The loser of Swans v Hawks this week can pack their bags. Troubled by the early season inconsistency of the Western Bulldogs. They should have powered on against Geelong from where they were...they choked.

5. The Storm. They win 50:50 games like no other team we have seen. Their ferocity and strength in the tussle...their grind in all sorts of conditions is like no other team - perhaps ever. It won't last forever, but gee it will be remembered. Counter them with the pathetic efforts of the Tigers and Warriors this weekend. Both clubs need serious improvement in attitudes. Foran is also to blame here in how he has managed his move. A mercenary who moves from club to club in the most selfish ways...no wonder he has had so many challenges in recent times on so many fronts...all about him.

6. Waratahs. A big win over the dreadful Rebels. Let's see if they can beat a NZ team now.

7. EPL - Chelsea finally get there. Liverpool nab the last European Champions League position...and goodbye to the rung below to Middlesborough, Hull and Sunderland. The 7-1 loss by Hull and a 5-1 loss by Sunderland shows the pathetic side to English football - capitulation and dummy spitting from a long distance! With Liverpool in and Arsenal out of the top four, Wegner is surely gone!

Wrap - Get Good at Moneyball

1. Footy Upsets. Newcastle have shaken Canberra who at times teeter under the weight of Ricky Stuart's furrowed brow. Good for them. Gold Coast beating Storm was something else too. St george hit three losses in a row...Only matched by the AFL where Essendon beat Geelong and Melbourne down Adelaide. Both competitions may in fact be "competitions" this year.

2. Disappointments of the round...St George and Canberra - not to mention the Warriors who had to try hard to lose. Even Parramatta... Their so called tough guys might do well to toughen up their defence...toughen up their attitude and not lose by 50. I still have massive doubts over whether Brad Arthur can get a team 'up' for a game. They had won three in a row and then just give up. Pathetic.

3. MoneyBall. Is the game of NRL going to pot (so to speak)? A club that is prepared to go back to basics and play "Money Ball" (recruiting on percentages and positive player attitudes even if less talented) will be a huge success story in this game. Newcastle might be heading there. When will a club stand up and say it loud and proud..."we have a no dickhead policy...officials, player managers, players...if you fit that category there is no place for you at our club!" Crowds are appalling too....

4. The NRL Scheduling. That early Friday night game is the way of fools. Look at Super 15 Rugby for the disintegration of the code. Monday night was fine - just that coaches don't like the short turn around. Taking games to the bush are great, if they match the dollars clubs get from playing at a near empty ANZ stadium. Has anyone thought of reintroducing a 3.00pm Saturday game? Seemed to work OK. What a shock not having to watch the Broncos on a Friday night. They run the game.

5. Pat Howard. Re-signed for another two years as "High Performance Manager" at Cricket Australia. Clubs in all sports need to strip out the administrative extravagance. Pat's contribution is clearly making a great difference...Greg Chappell will ensure we tread water and lose the Ashes yet again. James Sutherland and Howard are showing signs of being absolutely stupid...fancy trying to get blokes to sign that they will not play IPL. No way. That is a cash cow of the most sacred kind. Ask Shane Watson who has hardly got a wicket or a run to his name for the whole season....yet has $2 mil in the account.

5. Shanghai. A great experiment going to China with Port v Gold Coast. Was John Ribot there to see his "vision"?

6. EPL...hotting up for the axe...Hull City are on the precipice. No sympathy. If you're not good - get good!

Wrap - Left The Iron On

1. What a week if your name is Cameron Smith! A great golf result - $1.3m and two year exemption dodging alligators. The other Cameron Smith hit 50 rugby league tests. That is incredible. Smith has been superb for a long time. Not getting Milford at the Storm is a challenge now, but Bellamy will convert someone quickly.

Lockyer and Meninga are probably the next Immortals. Ron Coote - esp for his post career efforts with retired players? Peter Sterling would go close now he is involved in media, coaching/ mentoring, commentary...four GFs, etc. Mal Meninga wins everything. He is amazing in the standards he sets and insists upon and should be grabbed by a NRL club with cash. He is the biggest fish.

2. AFL. Big wins by Gold Coast and North Melbourne (up by 64-0 towards the end of the second quarter). The Giants losing was a shock too, although heaps of injuries are not helping. This year's comp may be the most open for a number of seasons. Geelong have fallen over. Swans have limped to one win.

3. The exit of crowds from games late in the piece where they are well behind on the scoreboard has been happening for ages. Protest vote. The line by Andrew Voss was a ripper on Saturday night..."They've left so quickly you'd think they may have left the iron on". Vossy is not everyone's cup of tea but he is the best of a bad lot at present. Poor old Rabs may be losing the plot, but has still nabbed a new five year deal...

4. I cannot believe a player swap between Parramatta and the Tigers with Gutherson was not done immediately. Gutherson is a good winger - nothing else. Poor defence and not a pivot. Goalkicking is a new gig, but he is not big enough and defence is poor. A very fit bloke who would has a 1970's outside back's body. Nice haircut too. He won't win you a comp.

5. Cocaine. A busy week for sales in the NRL, but rest assured none of us believe this will affect consumption - or the supply chain. Johnny Tobin's Hawkesbury River importation bust has probably hurt it all, but not significantly. Damien Keogh has really hurt his club who have recently won a comp and overcome a peptides scandal. This will help Parramatta's recruitment - Bromwich and Proctor...They have apparently delayed signing Shaun Kenny-Dowell until he is before the courts or in jail.

Was Keogh yet another former Olympian who has struggled with the drugs...? And yet we are told they are all "clean" sports. I liked the recent EU proposal that NO world record be verified without ten years of drug tests either leading up to it or either side of a world record. Then blood stored for a further ten years. Thankfully Jana Pittman has not taken anything...but a foreign prince offered her artificial insemination by email after a recent relationship breakdown.

6. Waratahs. No commitment and defence is so poor it is ridiculous. Thumped again. Clean the joint out. That coach Gibson has got to go and with him a number of the players - some senior ones too. Do we have anyone who would crack a NZ provincial team? Probably not. The best news in rugby for NSW viewers is that it is now 7 NSW wins in a row v QLD - our answer to the NRL State of Origin domination of QLD...we are truly struggling.

7. Sydney FC and Melbourne Victory. That field surface at Allianz is ordinary and has been for many years. However, Sydney FC (and every other FC) have mesmerised the opposition in 2017. I have long said that Graham Arnold is the best coach in Australia behind Meninga. 'The Albanian', Berisha is a huge competitor.

8. IPL. Really enjoy seeing Warner, Smith and Tye excel online, but the TV rights must be up for renewal soon. They cannot be making money based on their current international business model. Fox need to get hold of it. Pat Cummins has struggled. Kohli has been terrible. The funny thing about that comp is that the pitches change massively across the month of cricket as the weather tightens. Low scores become normal. We should be signing up Indian bowlers for the BBL.

9. City v Country has become like a boys night out to The Rocks - pull outs...excuses...mums who won't let blokes play...Some of the selections are embarrassing. It needs to go. If it stays it should be a genuine Country team or local 'best of' Toyota/ Amco/ Panasonic/ Jim Bean/ Ron Massey/ Tooth Cup playing a City team as a curtain raiser at a State of Origin.

Gone are the days that City selection gets you more cash at contract time. I suspect this is behind the coaches not supporting the concept.

It should also signal a new style of NRL competition - one game against everyone, then a 're-grading' after this for the remaining six weeks. The best teams after 16 rounds get advantaged as they should.

10. Spurs. What a terrible performance v West Ham. A loss when a win was critical. A shame for them, but Chelsea now need to fall over to lose. A great effort really with their new and understated coach. Relegation fights are tremendous value. No 'tanking' for draft picks there.

Wrap - Billy Drab

1. Billy Stanlake. A tall, raw fast bowler who is wayward and way under-done. He has played only a handful of first class matches and is being plastered into the advertising hoardings in the IPL at present.

What do you do? Give him a lucrative ICC contract of course.

Instead of a Coulter-Nile or Andrew Tye...or the leading Shield wicket taker in Chadd Sayers...choose Billy. Pleeeease!

Never thought I'd say it, but the second coming of Trevor Hohns in selection headquarters has made him into a complete dill. How Hohns can justify his comments that Hilton Cartwright is a likely player in THREE forms of the game is beyond me. Memo to Trevor - and the Hilton Hotel himself - try and make it in ONE form first. Hohns even said that Cartwright's Test debut was impressive. Are you kidding. From memory he bowled four overs of cover drives and then made 30 or so after being dropped on four. Hohns needs to retire.

That Chairman of Selectors must be a funny chair to sit in. It turns you into a complete dope ...Inverairity, Dud Marsh and now Hohns. Get out the Spray and Wipe and give it a good clean. Start anew. Maybe a bloke called Ricky Ponting would be a good place to commence the new order.

2. Post Script on Jana Pittman. She could have been married to royalty you know. Dropped her phone into a toilet and lost his number. Does this woman know no bounds in terms of being publicity hungry? She surely must be in the 14th minute of 'fame'. A very slow clock.

3. NRL. Can someone please explain how referee Ashley Klein is still in first grade? He makes a complete hash of the Broncos late try by Moga v Souths and backs up today with his 79th minute cracking penalty to rob the Roosters of a certain win. He has a future in Super 15 Rugby - or international rugby for sure. What a joke. And then you fine clubs $10K for talking truth. Incredible.

Would it surprise anyone that NRL referees were found one day to be betting on games? We all thought it would never happen with players...

Parramatta surprising, Sharks winning but struggling, Newcastle sinking fast, Storm holding strong.

4. International Rugby League. How strong are these two Pacific Islander sides? You would not want to have to feed them at the team BBQ! Some big, imposing individuals.

Tonga: 1. Will Hopoate (Bulldogs) 2. Daniel Tupou (Roosters) 3. Brenko Lee (Bulldogs) 4. Michael Jennings (Eels) 5. Jorge Taufua (Sea Eagles) 6. Tuimoala Lolohea (Warriors) 7. Ata Hingano (Warriors) 8. TBC 9. Siliva Havili (Dragons) 10. Leilani Latu (Panthers) 11. Sika Manu (c) (Hull FC) 12. Felise Kaufusi (Storm) 13. Sio Siua Taukeiaho (Roosters) 14. Sione Katoa (Panthers) 15. Joe Ofahengaue (Broncos) 16. Siosaia Vave (Eels) 17. Addin Fonua-Blake (Sea Eagles) 18. Samisoni Langi (Panthers) 19. Patrick Kaufusi (Cowboys) 20. Leivaha Pulu (Titans) 21. Sione Vea (Tongan Rugby League)

Samoa (squad): Leeson Ah Mau (Dragons), John Asiata (Cowboys), Fa’amanu Brown (Sharks), Herman Ese’ese (Broncos), Sam Kasiano (Bulldogs), Tim Lafai (Dragons), Joseph Leilua (Raiders), Isaac Liu (Roosters), Josh McGuire (Broncos), Peter Mata’utia (Knights), Sione Mata’utia (Knights), Suaia Matagi (Eels), Anthony Milford (Broncos), David Nofoaluma (Wests Tigers), Kaysa Pritchard (Eels), Sauaso Sue (Wests Tigers), Antonio Winterstein (Cowboys).

5. AFL. How about good ol' Collingwood whacking Geelong? Sydney are shot. Lazy and lethargic. There needs to be a clean out at the joint. Adelaide continue to dominate. GWS shiny but lacking poise. Still like Western Bulldogs...and if West Coast could play every game at home...

6. A-League. Both favourites through. How terrible was the pitch at Allianz Stadium? Surely you have to have the GF game away from that venue? It has always struggled to look good. It is starting to resemble Brookvale Oval three years ago.

7. Boxing. Anthony Joshua defeated Wladimir Klitschko in an IBF heavyweight boxing title fight. How gracious was Klitschko's speech after the bout. He is a class act. he even dubbed himself 'boring' after reflecting on his many years at the top!

8. Sharapova back. A bit rich to get too excited about her being a "drug cheat". Eugenie Bouchard
should concentrate on Twitter instead....and maybe winning a tournament one day. Rank irresponsible negligence perhaps, but the drug was only put on the banned list recently. She is a "drug dope" instead.

Wrap - Champions Salary Sombrero Drama

1. Jana Drama. Just when you thought there could be no more...Jana Pittman has announced she is getting married for the third time after divorcing the first husband twice now. She also has two babies with a sperm donor and has recently outlined plans to make a comeback to the track after her recent stint at the winter Olympics. She is also studying to become a doctor. Is she related to Jarryd Hayne?

2. NRL. Every one is seemingly now worth a million a season. This is a huge chunk of the salary cap. It won't be long before there is an NRL team based on the "MoneyBall" concept. Great percentages...low costs...better returns. The Sharks have shown how this can work, but are now having to pay big dollars to retain players.

Woods, Tedesco and Moses. High drama and much boredom. There will always be better players come along. Good luck to them on the million dollars a year gravy train. Hopefully they don't squander it all. I must say, that while he is solid, Woods is not spectacular. He is over priced and over hyped for mine. He is not a match winner like a Matt Scott. Tedesco is a star.

2A. A goal kicking five eight in Mitchell Moses. Maybe a player swap with Clint Gutherson can occur so his time at Parramatta can come to a crushing end.

The Dogs will now need to offload a lot of players. Mbye is average and should never have been signed for a squillion (bad luck Dogs!). Reynolds, Liicha, Hopoate, Eastwood (will be gone after his silly kick today!) and the Morris boys should feel a little uneasy. So too Kenny-Dowell, Napa, Guerro, Tupou, Gordon...There needs to be a clean out at both clubs Not sure how you keep Graham, Klemmer, Josh Jackson, Woods, Foran, etc under the salary cap. There seem to be different rules for some clubs. The noisy shaker and mover club CEOs (Dogs, Roosters, Broncos...) seem to do as they please.

Really liked the Gold Coast effort on Saturday night v Cronulla. Hayne was very good. They played tough and got a bit lucky. Maloney needs to stop giving away dumb penalties. He is like Joey Leilua...not State of Origin bound if that is your approach. The team is more important than you!

Fancy Parramatta winning again! A good win. Thankfully the Panthers were terrible. The bunker dudded Souths on Friday night. Why do the Broncos never get dudded? There is a bit more spirit in the Tigers than we thought.

3. Prayer Time. Are players getting all too chummy after the end of an NRLgame? It seems as though a love-in is the norm now...chatting on the field, man hugs - and now joint prayer. Might just be an Easter thing. It has certainly been alive and well in the NFL for many years post match on one bended knee. You can even have a coffee mid week with members of the opposition you eventually sign for...joke. Too much time on their hands.

4. AFL. Nothing like a derby. Amazing how results of 2016 for the Swans, North and Hawks which included many narrow wins, can make your season a completely different story with some narrow losses. These teams are being matched in swarming defence in 2017, but also try to handball far too often. Teams are onto them and both coaches need to modernise their strategies. More pace required at both clubs. More centering of the ball and switching it might help too.

Keiran jack could be playing with Robbo's young bloke in the NEAFL sooner than he thinks.

GWS are electric. Too fast, too fit and too talented. They are destined to be flag winners. Maybe lacking a bit of experience, but dominant. Stunning win by Freo!

5. Champions Trophy Cricket. God knows what the Champions Trophy is but it must make a lot of money for the dodgy, spineless ICC. How John Hastings was selected is a mystery. Khawaja needs to do more sprint training and lose weight to feature. Finch is in the same boat but has gotten the nod. He needs to rack up some big scores. He is flagging. How Andrew Tye misses out is unbelievable. How Zampa hangs onto a position is staggering too. Fahwad Ahmed is our best spinner in short form cricket.

6. Waratahs. This joint is bankrupt of ideas and inspiration. Nothing like an under performing schemmozle of a team in a competition where shenanigans dominate. I noticed Peter Fitzsimmons was calling for a joint Rebels-Force team, Reds, Brumbies and Waratahs. I would be calling for a joint venture with the Waratahs...maybe Waratahs-Rebels? Maybe they might get a decent crowd in Melbourne. The Sunwolves are a complete joke but are worth money. The Rebels may be our only hope.

Not one win by an Australian team against a Kiwi team in this season...incredible!

7. WSW. A limp exit by a terrible penalty shootout effort. They probably got to the semis when they should not have. They really lack goal scoring talent and need to recruit someone...or two...anyone. No doubt Poppa will do the customary clean out of the roster.

8. Melbourne City and Perth Glory. That Perth Glory have some flair. The old coach - Kenny Lowe - goes off too! Cahill on a big stage is something else. Perth Glory attack. That is their difference.

9. Ilie Nastase. A goose as a player...a goose as a coach. Who would have thought?