Wrap - The Clown App

1. Brumbies. Quite a phenomenal effort in South Africa and now another chance to reaffirm that they are the best franchise in our Super Rugby history. The turnaround from last year is outstanding. Haven't seen Brian Smith yet, but there is bound to be a story about his lack of Grand Final success this week - and his curse. Would he want to coach the Wallabies one day?

2. Ashes Cricket. Is there anything to be read into Hughes and Cowan opening v Sussex? Rogers is on shaky ground. Fifty merchants and the only ton Hughes or Cowan get is the ton of criticism they all attract. How about the Jackson Bird performance? Will come in for Pattinson. Something in James Faulkner appeals to me. He has a bit of fight and could be a big part of the future. Lyon is bowling poorly. I wonder how that spin factory is going? Is Warnie great enough to make others great?

3. Warner. Is he that dumb? Twitter...biff on Joe Root...brother tweeting rubbish...sledging on the field in Australia A...he has no brain. Maybe that is why he struggles in Test Cricket. I almost drove off the road the other day when I heard all about "The DAVE WARNER APP". Apparently it teaches the biff and sledging and you can use it in any hotel room in the world...even in dodgy old ones where bad cricketers go.

4. League. Where have all the great footy songs gone? "Up, up Cronulla" is fantastic! With every win, more and more fans turn up, ASADA or no ASADA. Gallen or no Gallen. The changes to songs like "Click Go The Shears" by Parramatta to some Jon English number recorded down a well have been bad for their game. It has defeated the culture of the game. The AFL set a strong standard here. Bring them back! "Glory, Glory to South Sydney"...superb!

5. AFL. Swans are firming at this time of the year and are about to launch in to something very big again...Longmire has them peaking at the right time...again.

6. Socceroos. The shirt is devalued by silly East Asian tournaments. Reserve Grade and we were in our element coming last!

7. Mick Crocker. Is he still injured? Chris Sandow gets injured when not playing first grade to avoid embarrassment. Ben Ross and Brent Tate have been injured seriously and struggled on...What of Terry Campese, Jarryd Hayne, Willie Tonga, Timana Tahu, Justin Hodges...are only outgunned by Shane Watson, Pat Cummins and Pattinson. Noticed Brett Papworth is back playing cricket for the SCG XI in England. he was the most injured ever.

8. Noticed Black Caviar has a cover. Like being selected by the best girl at Parramatta Leagues' Kicks for a dance.

Wrap - Harlem Globetrotters v The Cosby Kids

1. How about Micky Arthur? Publicly, he presented to everyone as all noble and innocent, understanding and accepting...a snake in the grass really. 4 million dollars? You are kidding. He owes us 4 million! His duplicity and unpredictability is clearly on the nose internationally and more work will be hard to acquire. No wonder he struggled to build anything other than a poisonous team culture. Selfish to the end.

2. Speaking of which, Shane Watson continues to defy belief. LBW AGAIN (24 times in Test Cricket)! He looks like million rupee then hits a great twenty or thirty...not good enough for a test batsman. I wrote earlier:

This guy does not get it. He has a zillion injuries and loyal selectors go back to select him repeatedly. Pulling up lame, breaking down....on it goes. He plays IPL ($$$ of course) instead. He changes states - TAS, QLD, NSW- at will. He is selected in the Australian team and tells everyone he can't bowl/ won't bowl anymore. He is feted and sucked up to with TWO AB medals. He develops arrogance and a perception of invincibility - however poor his lone two Test centuries look.

He doesn't do his homework and is sacked. He throws a tantrum and comes home to be with his wife and kid. He annoys coaches and captains alike. Sacked? No...he is then given the Australian captaincy!! Now he does not want to be vice captain? And everything is fine with Michael Clarke? He is a selfish prize tool. He is clearly on notice to perform or perish. He needs to feel that empty feeling that galvanised cricketers like the Waughs and Hayden over the years - being dumped, axed, sacked and deposed all in one. He has had a fairytail ride. Fairies believe in fairytails. He is 32. The twilight is upon him.

So is now the time to sack him? His DRS review effort was appalling in the first innings. The old 'I'm the best bat (and have first crack at the review) and am indispensible' approach. He needs to fall on his butt hard to ever improve. He also looks cranky and discontented on the field. He could surprise us and retire unexpectedly.

By the way, any thought of Katich returning should be laughed at loudly. Runs against county teams mean nothing. Chris Rogers proves that.

3. Chris Rogers. Is this guy kidding? He OK's Watson's selfishness to review, he misses the worst donkey drop in Test history and then does not review his own. He lacks judgement and was set to be our saviour. The way I saw him bat in the Big Bash for Sydney Thunder tells me he is close to retirement. Usman will want to play better than his dreadful first innings shot. His terrible running between the wickets continues to baffle.

Breaking news: Rogers out for 6 leaving a straight breaker! Get rid of him.

4. DRS. I must be going blind because never has there been more evidence to get rid of it than now. After bagging them, my view is that India may just be right. Smith's catch? Hughes' supposed nick in the first innings. Batsmen get away with nothing now. Look for a sharp dip in international batting averages (except India's).

5. So far in the Ashes, Siddle, Harris, Smith (and maybe Haddin, Hughes and Agar) can say they have made a difference at some stage. No one else. Clarke needs to step up. Pattinson has been a hopeless joke too. Wild and quick...quick to the fence. Agar's bowling lacks. Hughes contiues his duck or a hundred form.

6. Mitchell Pearce should bat at three perhaps. That or a spray tan and a nude streak at the cricket this year. He was terrible in Origin 3 and the great "No. 7 Burner", Ricky Stuart, is telling us to lay off? He's also explaining Parramatta's < 15 point losses into "wins" now. He has problems.

Roosters looking sharp. To keep five teams to nil (Manly, Eels, Sharks....) not a bad effort from a team struggling last year. Knights are surprising and Warriors will be dangerous as usual if in the semis. Like Souths and Storm still, but how good would an all-Sydney final be?

7. Swans on fire in the West. Hard to remember when Collingwood, Geelong and St Kilds all lost in the one weekend - and Richmond won!

8. Surely the saddest sport going around at present is a tie between cycling and athletics. The drug takers and cheats are alive and well. Hard to believe Froome is legit, but having said that Cadel has never looked worse. Time will tell. With a name like 'Froome' you have to win.

9. British Open. Surely not a pom after the Olympics excellence in London, the Lions victory, the Rose USPGA win, Murray (Scot) at Wimbledon, ManU, Tour de France, the Ashes...we need some luck. Hopefully Scott can do it. Or Day. Tiger lurking...

10. ManU players v A-League All Stars showed more skill in the first five minutes than the whole Socceroo campaign. The crowd were in awe of their skill and class. A mighty spectacle to be at. It was fair dinkum like the Harlem Globetrotters v. The Cosby Kids. They were toying with us. It was like playing your little brother in Monopoly. Not a stretcher in sight.

11. Super Rugby. the supposed highlight end of their season passes without a whimper...outside of a couple of International games, they have nothing. Reds creamed, Brumbies lucky.

Wrap - Ashes and Hashes

1. The First Test at Trent Bridge has been a cracker. Cowan's footwork was awful in the first innings. His judgement against that powerhouse world spinner- Joe Root - was appalling in the second innings. In England a flourishing shot maker at No. 3 who moves the feet is critical. Khawaja should have been chosen and Cowan should never have played. Khawaja is more fluid and fleet of foot.

Gee Usman must be good at cards by now. Cowan will be ended.

Gotta say with the gloves Haddin looks really slow and even overweight (?) His dismissal in the first innings was also simply terrible. How Paine is not there I'll never know. Hopefully the second innings will show us this as he powers us to victory! Starc and Pattinson showed us the difference between aggression and incompetence. Both have had Harmison moments, but we're not missing Johnson!

2. The Agar innings was superb. I must confess I jinxed him by sending a text to a couple of the lads when on 98..."Starc?" (Who got 99 v India). An awful shot really in the circumstances. Phil Hughes showed some uncharacteristic ticker. He was very solid, but back to his old tricks in the second innings (like Graeeeemeee Wood, another duck or a hundred man).

Let's consider this: Nathan Lyon annointed as the next team song man in Sydney by Hussey and has played one test since. Shortest reign ever. He is on the outer big time now. Clarke still ruling the roost.

3. Stuart Broad. Has a shocking record of behaviour and his effort in this test was appalling. Any chance of preferential treatment given his father is an ICC Match referee? Doesn't look good. Lucky Warner did not play - biff may have been on the agenda! Noticed that Michael Clarke didn't complain too loudly. He once stayed for a decision in Sydney v India in that Roebuck Test after nicking one to second slip!

Aleeeeeeeeeeeeeeem Dar is a shocker. Warnie once said to him when bowling after he quizzed him about overstepping: "Aleem, you are having enough trouble at that end. Leave this end to me". He is still having massive troubles.

4. Commentators Review. 'Bumble' Lloyd is superb. Botham ever tough and controversial. Strauss is whining and annoying. Holding is hard on the ears at time, but as brutal as he was when bowling. On radio, Blofeld is the quintessential comic Pommie, but rarely tells you the score - we have clouds, crowd descriptions...the cricket? Boycott is still a goose. No wonder Lillee wanted to knock his block
off. Can someone tell me why Graeme Hick is on Foxtel? He looks like Steve Menzies - but Steve scored more often at the highest levels.

5. Is George Burgess a fool? Throws a street sign through a car window then nude pics online? He must have taken too many knocks to the head. Time to go back to England. If he was an asylum seeker he'd be deported.

 6. Sandow sacked again to the park @ 550,000 per year! An absolute liability in defence..and if he approached the club wanting a release what would their answer be? Ricky Stuart's intolerance of halfbacks continues. No wonder no one wants to play at the joint. Noticed too that Ben Roberts missed six tackles too v Panthers. Talk about squandering an opportunity. Ricky is now talking about "good losses". Please.

7. GWS. Absolutely smashed. Getting worse. I mentioned Demetriou was on shaky ground a few weeks back. Nothing's changed.

8. What's happened to Cadel Evans? Hopefully the mountains bring his best out, but he is a long way back now.

9. Noticed that Mark Webber has retired from F1. He came a familiar seventh last week while Vetell carves them up. Maybe he saw the axe swinging. A greater ongoing saga than the bloody Block TV Series.

10. Reds and Brumbies have been good this year (bad loss to Force this weekend by the Brumbies). Waratahs have been better but if they can find a way to lose they will. Chances late amounted to nothing.

11. Origin this week. Can't help but think QLD will smash NSW again. No Gallen - no hope. The ongoing Origin series over a million weeks needs to be contracted. 32-0 over the Storm sounds impressive by the Bulldogs, but is hardly a good reflection. However, it does reveal that Melbourne have a soft underbelly once the big names are out, especially with the million dollar five eight Widdup, injured. First serious injury in years at the place. Astounding luck (?).

Wrap - Another Spoon

1. The Lions. Absolutely smashed us. Our line defence one-on-one was inferior. Our tactics near non-existent. Genia played okay, but his kickoff confusion and his being sacked by the coach tells us he struggled as well. Beale and Tomane were appalling in defence.

Where have the booming boots in Australian rugby gone? The Roger Gould's, David Campese's, Steve Larkham's...used to belt the ball downfield. Not now.

The ref. It's been a long time since the French were so helpful to the British! These obscure appointments by the control freaks at the IRB are beyond belief. Surely a southern hemisphere ref was a logical option. We need more steel at a board level about these matters. We need to play hard ball at the negotiation table and serve it up to them...even if we don't look pleasant. We yielded to the British here.

A scrum nowadays has become less about the ball - and ALL ABOUT finding a penalty. There is a disgraceful smorgasboard of choice there. Sadly, playing for the penalty has taken over playing the ball.

How long is the most continuous piece of uninterrupted action in rugby? Probably three to five minutes before a scrum, a line out, an injury, a replacement...on it goes. It is a stop start affair rivalling NFL. Not being on prime time TV and without a Super 15 sponsor tells the story.

Australians would love to fall in love with Rugby Union and Soccer - but simply cannot. Their officials and rules are quite simply, un-Australian. Match officials with too much influence annoy us like nothing else in sport. The only thing missing was the stretcher and Lazarus-like reappearances.

2. Parramatta. Firstly can anyone believe they have spent all of their salary cap and then some? Reni is on $300K and Willie Tonga is on nearly $400K..laughable for the return. Tonga has not played for 14 rounds. He must have had an amputation.

It will come as no surprise that Parramatta even got the spoon for their salary cap excesses! A meagre $5K.

3. As mentioned, Khawaja and Steve Smith are specials to play in the first test. Amazing to see the transformation after the whiteboards, the high performance speak and the rotation policy are removed. Blokes actually look like they want to play. Lehmann represents everything England fear in their cricketing opponents. I'd be more confident with Lehmann batting six for us.

My team: Watson, Rogers, Khawaja, Clarke, Hughes, Smith/ Warner/ Lehmann (!), Haddin, Starc, Pattinson, Bird, Lyon/ Siddle (will they do what they did in India and not go with a spinner?).

Heard a whisper that a player revolt put it to CA that it was either Clarke or Micky Arthur....guess who won?

4. Something tells me that QLD are going to ambush NSW in the last Origin game. A 20 man squad but I notice that Merritt is not there. He will go down as a one game wonder. No Souths players even though they are wining the comp. Surely Mitchell Pearce is on his last legs. He has a bigger losing record than Julia Gillard.

Steve Price the Saints coach, could well be sacked this week. Gotta hand it to Ivan Cleary and Matthew Elliott. How about the turn arounds in their fortunes?

Why did we head to Mackay, Darwin and Perth in the one weekend? The saunas must have been very popular this week leading in...

5. Andrew Johns. For an IMMORTAL, he surely is very human. Have you ever known anyone to be so connected to the idiot element of town than this bloke? He's there when David Williams carries on...he's next to Singo and Gai (gee she must be missing his horses by now...not), he's at training sessions for this mob and that, on Channel 9...on 2MMM on Monday nights...he mixes in interesting circles and lots of them! Who is the next rugby league player before the courts this week? Step right up, step right up...

6. Staggered to see Sabine Lisicki collapse in tears mid match. She beat Stosur and Serena and a host of others...Now that is a bad preparation. Jana Novotna was the last one I recall, but Wimbledon certainly brings out the tears in players.

Surprised to see Barty and Dellacqua in the women's doubles final. Barty seems to be treading the second rate boards of world doubles. When you don't want to work so hard (half as hard), play doubles...she is too young to be making this decision just yet...unfortunately, a typical Australian women's tennis player career path.

8. AFL. The Geelong Curse over Hawthorn is a great part of AFL these days. A vow never to lose again is still alive! Legend has it that after their 2008 GF loss, the Geelong players made a private pact, to never again lose to Hawthorn. Jeff Kennett's critical comments about Geelong have become Kennett's curse! Not a more deserving recipient. Everytime he opens his mouth it seems to be deliberately controversial.

9. Will James O'Connor finally get the picture? Punted from Western Force, now punted from the Melbourne Rebels. His 'brand' is fast becoming "Homebrand" or "No Frills".

10. Just so you know stupidity abounds worldwide in sport, the San Francisco Giants started a massive baseball game v LA Dodgers and can you believe batted in an order different to their stated lineup. Automatic out is the rule. Unprecedented in MLB Baseball...common at Northmead Reserve perhaps...but not in the big show!