The Wrap - Looking For Quick Wickets In the Morning

1. Whenever Cricket Australia roll out someone irrelevant for the post match interview - an increasingly disturbing trend worldwide - be warned. If the Australians are talking about "taking a few quick wickets in the first session tomorrow morning", you know they are dead in the water.

Typically it is OUR batsmen who provide them.

I'm looking forward to the press conference after this series. What management changes will be made? It is not good enough.

Our batting display in the second innings was mind blowingly poor. The usual suspects. Poor judgement and bad technique. Fancy opening the batting with Maxwell? Australian cricket's integrity is on the line. This was a white flag really. It signalled a poor mindset hell bent on getting runs at any cost - presumably against fast bowlers. Dohi just put spinners on and voila....wickets galore...a session and a bit. Pathetic.

Maxwell should take his million from the IPL and go away.

What about these tour averages (in order):

Cowan 33.12 (265 runs)
Warner 24.37 (195 runs)
BEST NO. 6 IN THE COUNTRY: ***Wade 18.83 (113 runs)
Hughes 18.37 (147 runs)
Lyon 18.00 (54 runs)
Siddle 17.37 (139 runs)
Pattinson 17.00 (68 runs)
CURRENT SKIPPER ***Watson 16.50 (99 runs)
LEGEND X FACTOR: ***Maxwell 9.75 (39 runs)

and the bowling:
Pattinson 27.00 (9 wickets)
Siddle 33.58 (9 wickets)
Lyon 40.07 (13 wickets)
Doherty - so bad he has run away.

Is this the most horrible set of figures you have seen in years for an Australian cricket team?

2. David Warner could well be dropped. His complete lack of discipline is disturbing. He does not move his feet and looks like a B4 thrashing machine that gets the District's highest score one week and bowled middle stump the next. He also tries to sledge...something opponents love returning after his inevitable ill discipline sees him out behind the wickets - or at the stumps. Having opening batsmen who get bowled or LBW as much as he does is a recipe for failure...and axings.

3. In the first innings, the shots by Maxwell - pathetic - and Johnson (who would not know if his arse was on fire) were embarrassing. Cowan's desire to occupy the crease is backfiring. He scraps and defends, fidgets and fusses and then can't break 35 and will enjoy telling his grandkids about the good fortune of being alive when no other decent players existed. His sweep shot was awful. Bowled around the legs shows NO COACHING. Arthur has to go.

Another stumping (Watson) again reflects our lack of discipline. Captain of Australia? Surely not.

4. Starc (injured again), Siddle and Pattinson should open. Micky Arthur and Clarke are obsessed with all rounders (Henriques, Johnson, Starc, Maxwell, Smith) at the expense of experts. Jack of all - master of none.

Who has played every test? Warner, Cowan, Hughes, Siddle. That's it. Joke. By comparison, India have had nine play in every Test.

5. Wade is a failure and should be banished. His keeping stinks. His batting is soft. He is good at making excuses and looking dumb when given out. In between he tries to sledge and irritate opponents. Being in control of your own game might allow you the right to do this...might.

6. Parramatta. Hold on it is about to get bad...real bad. If the Benji Marshall quick tap with ten Pacific Islander forwards all looking the wrong way was not bad enough, what about their complete disfunctional lack of discipline. Lying on tackled players, niggle and hand on the ball, offsides...horrible. Great work from Roosters and Sharks. They fight and have desire. Even the Panthers are looking OK.

The Storm still look like Black Caviar after 24 straight wins...invincible.

7. Hard to reason why Tassie decided to make the Shield Final a bore fest. Hopefully it blows up on them and they lose. The most negative tactics in an Aussie cricket match for some time. A featherbed pitch of course. Maybe a bit of rain might make it more exciting. QLD just lack the troops at the crease. Peter Forrest has had the greatest decline in Australian cricket over the past year.

8. AFL. Finally the comp starts after a million NAB Cup games. Then only a couple of games this weekend. Maybe they have been weighed down with the ASADA investigations which have suddenly faded from sight. James Hird ploughs oin in a code with the most pathetic anti-drugs policy and stance in world sport. If caught, no dramas...join the International Cycling Federation...they will fit in there.

9. Sydney FC still alive, but Wanderers depth is about to be tested. Great to see a sell out at Parramatta Stadium. The last time this happened, Mark Riddell played for St George.

10. Good to see Bernard Tomic is still tanking. He is soft and has done nothing in the sport at the senior level - only make up reasons to under perform.

11. Stats for this blog: They love it in India. Especially today.

Wrap - 99 Reasons To Worry

1. The story of India has been the appalling selection methods. We chose a team more suited for Lords in the first Test...but the test was being played in India! Dopey. Phil Hughes should never have played in this test. He is a shot duck.

Hughes' tour scores to date: 6, 0, 19, 0, 2 (agg. 27, avg: 5.4).

By comparison:
Nathan Lyon: 3, 11, -, -, 9 no (agg 23, avg 11.5)
Peter Siddle: (19, 2, 0, 4, 0 (agg. 25, avg 5).

David Hussey? A young gun - Joe Burns? Nic Maddinson? Move on. Like the look of this Chad Sayers in South Australia team. Leading Shield wicket taker with 50 wickets!

2ND INNINGS - LATE EXTRA: Warner out in the first over playing his usual reckless rubbish, Cowan is so obsessed with hanging around he is a nuisance and becomes too insular - gone LBW. Then we get the captain...Clarke, hiding down the order....PLEASE! Cometh the hour...where was he? What a joke. He will sacrifice his mates (Smith, Hughes) rather than himself. Gutless really.

2. How about that whole day washed out by rain in India? First time in a million years.

3. Not good to get a golden duck. Worse in a week when you help sack four teammates. What would Martyn, Katich and others think?

4. Must say that the world's most boring cricketer - Ed Cowan - has got an Ashes gig. To date, he has scored 29, 32, 4, 44, 86 (agg. 195, avg: 39). He is tenacious, but scores runs. We'll hang onto that when others do not score anything!

5. The number of stumpings (Cowan, Clarke, Smith) and run outs (Henriques) shows our panic and lack of patience which has brought about our demise. Indian batsmen show self control. Great effort by Starc to get to 99, but his last over was appalling. He lost the plot and lacked poise when it mattered. He exemplified the above point - even if he was a bowler doing the job of batsmen.

Henriques better do something soon. A string of failures and so so bowling. Good mo however. Looks like a 1970's bank manager - or an Underbelly extra.

Xavier Doherty is surely finished. Who wouldn't like facing him? Lyon was loose too. Steve Smith was the worst, but he will be able to tell his grandkids that he once got Tendulkar out!

6. One of the questions you have to keep asking yourself when we are scoring runs in India, is if Cowan, Starc and Smith make scores, how many will the Kohli's, Tendulkar's and Dhoni's get? Just on that, in a country of 1.2 billion people, to be in the top 11 cricketers means you can bat. No shortage of replacements if you don't produce.

7. Michael Cheika. There is something disturbing about his post match manner. To say that the Waratahs have felt the wrath of the public in the past and will again only builds pressure on players. He seems to be anchored in the past, with plenty of excuses - without owning the performances of this year...um...a bit like his players. As a player, moving to the Brumbies suddenly looks a more appealing option. The Reds not much better. Brumbies on fire.

8. Melbourne Storm could probably get a ticket to GF day now. They are so far ahead it is ridiculous. I will say it now, but this silly shoulder charge rule will bring more doubt and contention than the old 'Benefit of The Doubt' rule. Surely if a player shoulder charges the head of an opponent it is a send off. If it simply a body check..play on.

9. Liked the look of the Titans this weekend. Got some big names - Myles, Taylor, Idris, Harrison, Bailey...and plenty of little names...pace out wide. Canberra got a bit of their own back with a mid 30 temp summer game when for the winter they train and play opponents in minus temps. They are a shambles. They seem to manufacture a prize idiot better than anyone else (think Nandruku, Carney, Monaghan, Dugan, Blake - not Chikka - Ferguson). Maybe they are too close to Parliament House.

10. Tassie did well to make the Shield Final. Ponting has 875 runs this year at 87.5. He is a champion. The outcome of the WA v QLD may see Darren Lehman get his Bulls into the third final of all three forms this domestic season. QLD won the Big Bash, ODI comp and now possibly the Shield. His timing could not be better. Micky Arthur can then go home forever. Why do we have a South African in charge? Baffling.

11. Kelly Slater has offered to pay for his own drug tests. A legend competitor. He, Federer, Nadal, Djokovic, Bolt, Tiger Woods...they are all under the microscope after the Lance Armstrong fiasco.

12. Is the F1 losing its gloss? Would Australia be any worse off if it vanished? Webber is in a GF for choking with Sam Stosur when on home soil.

13. One to ponder...who is the most injured sportsman in sport today? Willie Tonga? Shane Watson? Berrick Barnes?. Brett Papworth was the king.

The Wrap - Ah Micky You're So Fine

1. Well, well , well...regular readers would know of the silly games and pettiness which has crept into the Australian team with the appointment of Clarke as a selector (AB medal mortgaged forever thus) and the appointment of Micky Arthur.

What of this: "On 26 January 2010 he resigned because of alleged differences between himself and Cricket South Africa (CSA)". Who would have thought?

And this: "My vision of how to go forward with the team was clear, but the board's was different," said Arthur. "I've always run a tight management and team, but the CSA board of directors want structural changes."

Deja Vu is coming and about to smack him in the back of the head. Micky was an absolute unmitigated failure when coaching Western Australia cricket too.

Seems as though all those who wanted to have a beer post Sydney test with the retiring Michael Hussey are now on notice or have been dropped (Lyon) or barred (Pattinson, Johnson, Watson). Siddle was loyal and he will be next to be chopped. He was a Hussey lover as well.

Also, note the rotation of  coaches - McDermott out (now back), Langer gone, Stuart Law gone, Mick Divenuto gone, Dean Jones gone. Do they all lose interest - or do they know something else? Then they appoint the world's worst PR man - Stuart Macgill. What state is he from?

2. Let's look at it closely. The High Performance Manager, Pat Howard. Ever since his appointment, the high performance has got lower and lower. His pathetic interview today where he bagged out Shane Watson will condemn him. Watson, mind you, needs to start scoring runs and close his excuse making business.

We should all have seen the writing on the wall with the seemingly 'sudden' retirement of Ponting and Hussey. Micky thought they would both be in England by mid 2013. They could see it unfolding.

3. Shane Warne will need another volume of his ailing manifesto. That or a few hundred thousand tweets.

4. I have advocated a change of selection policy in recent years. With the invention of the aeroplane, surely a squad can be evaluated mid tour and changes made. What use has Steve Smith been to date? A mid tour sacking rotation policy could lift performance. Maybe Pat Howard might pinch my idea.

5. Anyone noticed Hooksey's words are coming true: "when you play for New South Wales, you also get a brown paper bad with a baggy green in it". Ask Warner, Watson, Hughes (ex), Cowan (ex), Haddin, Starc. Throw in Steve Smith and Khawaja (ex). What about Hazelwood and Cummins about to return to the fold. Oh, Henriques too. Not bad. Mates club, alienating others and building mistrust (see Lyon, Pattinson, Johnson for a reference on that). Steve O'Keefe must have stolen Michael Clarke's lunch money once upon a time.

6. So Usman was too busy as well? He is the worst of the lot. He should have his first novel completed by now: Throwing It All Away - How To Run between The Wickets.

7. What the hell was Pattinson going to write about team improvement: "bowl like me"?

8. Apparently Johnson was going to get a tattoo of his homework on his arse but had his head stuck there. He has not been able to improve anything in his own game - let alone make observations about the team culture, ethic and spirit. He's still working on an inswinger after twenty years in top flight cricket. He is also very bad with apostrophes, commas and full stops. Send him home.

The Wrap - CroNILa

1. Sharks. Clearly the joint is - and has been for some time - in total disarray. The biggest fear is that players will start to question whether their pay cheque will arrive and will jump ship. No sponsors, no joy. The place has spirit, but if Irvine is certain about horse chemicals being injected into players - known and witnessed by coaching staff - then Flanagan deserves to go. "Up, up Cronulla" takes on a new meaning all of a sudden.

Remember that ASADA and WADA adherence determines funding for a sport, so punishments and penalties will be expected by the NRL, but delivered locally. Suddenly the clubs that allowed such things to prosper - and the faceless Boards which represent them - will wear the wrath of fans (not the NRL).

2. Josh Papalli. Tipped it. Not willing to join Parramatta. Like Folau, Scott, Thurston, Ryan, Norman...and Ricky Stuart was all about a name to attract players.

3. Storm will be in the GF. Have Cameron Smith, Cronk and Slater ever been injured and out of the game for extended periods of time? Their resilience and fitness adds to their greatness. Definite Grand Finalists. Panthers looked good. Parra bluffed and Titans, Raiders and St George will have a similar under performing year as last year. Sandor Earl has white dye in the hair and the Raiders cannot be taken seriously until it is removed.

A top eight might read: Storm, Manly, Bulldogs, Souths, North QLD, Tigers, Cronulla (if still solvent), Roosters, Newcastle.

4. Sacking of NRL Coaches. I am backing Matthew Elliot as my favourite for the next coach sacked. He is pathetic in post match chats. he has no answers and has a job which will evaporate at the hands of the laziest, most divided team in the NRL - the Warriors. Steve Price at St George won't be far behind.

3. Western Sydney Wanderers. Another win (nine in a row), but they need a loss soon - or it may well happen when they least want it...in a semi or GF! On top of the comp.

6. Hamish Rutherford. This NZ kid can bat. Watched a fair bit of his 171. In fact, he's better than his old man - Ken Rutherford (a pair on debut) - already after one test. Looks like he's in the Justin Langer mold. Compact, booming drive, cracking pull shot.

7. Alistair Cook. The most prolific scorer of tons in world cricket. Could be one of the best ever! No one seems to have done their homework on his technique. What about Joe Root...? Oh the headlines.

8. Pocock out for the season. Horrible news. But what about the Waratahs? Pathetic. Why do the Brumbies seem to be such a successful franchise most years? The Tahs just lack conviction, but never short on excuses.

9. Tiger Woods. Almost back as Number One in the world again some three years after his Joe Root behaviour became known. A strong comeback. He may yet get the Nicklaus record.

10. AFL. This NAB Cup goes on and on....start the season earlier for everyone's sake. Who cares about the Brissy bears playing a GF in March? Give us a break.

11. Here's a cricket tip. Clarke's good mate, Phil Hughes will play in the next test on a faster deck. The wheels are in motion with Neil D'Costa blaming Cricket Australia for his bad form - not getting enough practice pre tour. This is part of the plan. Don't accept responsibility and blame everyone else. Hughes cannot play spin as he plays too late. The faster straight ball/ arm ball/ doosra will get him every time.

Maybe Shane Watson might score some runs for a change. A million a year for his inconsistent glory hunting rubbish. KPI?

Micky Arthur is another one prone to tell us rubbish. Darren Lehmann is getting closer to a national head coaching position. Authur's dumb statements are catching: Xavier Doherty told us earlier this week he was "happy with how he bowled". He must be the only Australian alive who thought that. He should retire.

12. Anyone at Essendon nervous after the week from hell for Cronulla? Stay tuned. Call in the counsellors.

Wrap - Leading The Team Song To Its Death

1. When Mike Hussey announced to the world that Nathan Lyon was the next 'annointed' Aussie cricketer to lead the team song - a so called revered position - it revealed a divide in the Australian team. A retiring legend who had had enough of the heirarchy telling players who, what and where things could happen. A brief Eureka moment in Australian sport.

With it, came a lot of head shaking. Lyon had hardly won Tests for us. And so it was in Chennai...so much so that Clarke has acted on Hussey's perceived petulance and Lyon's ineffective work and he dropped Lyon from the second test. How he could retain the straight breaker Siddle instead is beyond me. Xavier Doherty is not a Test bowler. Indeed he is a spin bowler who does not spin the ball. His first class average is in the mid 40's. Laughable.

Maxwell could join that list of one test wonders too. His selection defies belief.

Our attack looks so poor it brings back memories of when Simon O'Donnell opened the bowling in an Ashes tour in the mid 1980's.

2. Even Stuart Macgill - that noted red wine drinking goose - has a low opinion of Doherty. That was a great piece of Macgill idiocy that has seen him go from job to job. The only problem here is that he is a Cricket Australia mentor now!!!

3. How about that Phil Hughes hey? Shielded from the South Africans, monstered the impotent Sri Lankans and then exposed for his lack of application and impatience in India. He is not up to it.

Nor is Ed Cowan. He finds ways to get out. No wonder he had to leave NSW to get a game. He lacks killer shots and now lacks poise and self control.

Clarke spoke of patience, exhibited it well himself - before a silly shot on 91 (Michael Slater style). Watson played a dumb shot. Warner's poor technique is being exposed slowly around the world. He gets out too easily.

The poor averages of our top four are terrible. We are soft mess.

Can anyone seeing Steve Smith doing anything? We could lose every Test by an innings. Yet to see an Indian batsman troubled by off spin.

4. Western Sydney Wanderers. An incredible transformation is being led in Australian football by their supporters. It may change the sport here forever. Chanting, singing, dancing....and still the crowds flock. It is somethng else - and they win. I wonder if anyone from the Parramatta NRL Centre For Excellence have thought to contact any of their supporters to lead things at their home games?

5. Swans are up to their old tricks, losing pre season games (even to GWS) and treating them for the joke they are. No investigation of tanking there of course.

6. Ben Barba. Who would like to be the face of rugby league at a season launch? Someone without issues? When will some of these blokes take reposnsibility for their own behaviour and act with class. Why Billy Slater or Cameron Smith don't do it every year is beyond me. Who is choosing these blokes? Someone out of touch and Sydney centric.

7. Mundine. Anthony is the only bloke who Anthony needs to beat.

8. Harry Kewell. Outside of 'The Man', this bloke is second to Jana Pittman in the stakes to see who the biggest ego and current under achiever in Australian sport belongs to. Retire and do us all a favour.