Sunday, May 29, 2011

Wrap - IPL (Idiotic Payments League)

1. The Waratahs. With finals approaching and the Tahs in South Africa, there is a perfect symmetry to their inevitable - and historical - self destruction. Meanwhile the QLD Reds at home in front of their packed home crowd is one of the best sights in Australian sport.

2. Messi. Barcelona fair dinkum toyed with Manchester United (3-1 victory). They were lucky they did not lose by five. Magic atmosphere and the old legs at ManU showed. They need a revamp for continued success. Once again England proves they have the best domestic league but they are off the pace on the world stage where Spain dominate.

3. NRL. Cronulla almost beat Melbourne, who are struggling now that Brian Waldron has been exposed. Nonetheless a win is a win. More than can be said for a lack lustre Parramatta (notice Ricky Stuart has Hayne running faster with his kick returns and playing the ball much more quickly without nonsense in the ruck...amazing transformation) and a terrible Roosters (Smith will be nervous. Dud rumour by the way). Broncos may have outsmarted themselves with their resting of stars. They have turned in a few losses when they were on a roll. Titans are too old. Tigers still flashy but often without hope. Dragons powering on to back to back premiership strength.

Manly...travelling well and they will have Jason King back soon from Origin. He won the Jamie Lyon Man of Aluminium Award from Origin One. Foran is something special.

4. AFL. Harmichael kicks his first goal. Can we line up for cartwheels just here...? Or can we all take our aeroplane paper bags and vomit in stereo. Carlton surprising everyone. And what about Acker...the great Acker...telling the world that Keith's Western Bulldogs are soft, old and lack self belief, skill and purpose. Sounds like his own autobiography.

5. Cricket. How about the bloke in English County Cricket who was signed by Worcestershire sight unseen (a Sri Lankan domestic legend apparently) when in fact he was nothing more than a park cricketer with a good sense of humour? Cracking story of deception and bureaucratic stupidity! In England, their lack of humour always sees these things referred to police. Pride is an awful thing.

6. By the way, the Chennai Superkings won the IPL. Who? Who cares? Mike Hussey hit a whirlwind half innings and set an opening batting record! He may have some life left yet! RIP TJ.

Did anyone see Sri Lanka after Murali v England in their latest Test? A LOOOONNNGGGGG way back. They are benign in attack now. May see a lot of drawn tests involving them now at best.

7. Apparently Shahid Afridi has retired as skipper again. He's moved in to Bin Laden's joint. No one can find him.

8. Was it just me or was the great marshmallow, Sam Stosur, relaxed (again!!) in defeat and claiming she had played her best? Maybe when you crack the BRW Top 50 Rich List, the attitude softens. Still backing Federer, although Djokovic is absolutely creaming them all. He is in ferocious form. Like Sharapova in the women's. More ways than one.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Wrap - Family BBQ

1. Origin. Can there be any more stories about Origin in the lead up phase? We've had everything analysed, dissected and evaluated. Is anyone getting the feeling there will be a familiar end for NSW...a loss, refs criticised, coach outbursts, sackings and then Idris and Hayne back in. NSW need to start winning or the concept may after 30 years be nearing death.

Surely the time is nearing for a Pacific Islander team and a Maori Team. A four way 'Origin' series. Place of birth.

2. What about the Waratah Fan Forum? Fans able to bag the crap out of them. Who organised that? Can't imagine too many more. Maybe that says more about the Waratahs than anything else. Their crowds are the lowest they have EVER been.

Brumbies bounced back with a draw after Tony Rea's spray. It is as good as it gets for them.

Is James O'Connor thick? Make a decision and move on. Quade Cooper's one year deal should coincide with the end of Deans as coach.

3. AFL. Hawthorn looking sharp. Carlton have ramped things up too. Perhaps Collingwood are not over the line yet. Even Richmond have toughened up with a good win v Essendon.

4. Canterbury Bulldogs. They are underachieving again. Coach Moore seems to escape much scrutiny. They looked good v Saints and lost but were simply appalling v Canberra. Furner may have had the tap on the shoulder the way the players have rallied recently. Orford is clearly not popular. When not there, they go better. Brian Smith must have gotten out of trouble this week with his many wives. A win but nothing flashy.

5. Sam Stosur through in the first round at the French, but did anyone notice her capitulation to Sharapova last week in the final. The questions still surround her. Get on Nadal too. He will win v Djokovic. I still reckon Federer has another Grand Slam win in him.

Hewitt withdrew with yet another injury. He is up there with Eric Grothe senior, Brett Papworth and Jana Pittman as one of our most injured. Can you believe we have ONE bloke in the draw? Tomic. Bring back Draper - Kratzmann - Edmonson - Warwick.

6. Thorpie looking trim and fit. He is a freak. What price a gold in London? Surely he will be close now that EPO is being ironed out in world sport.

7. How about that James Sutherland. Reports he is sitting in on all interviews in the review of Australian cricket. They are getting like FIFA that mob. The integrity of that Cricket Australia organisation is shot.

8. Signing of the year - Timana Tahu. Take the money and run. Season ending injuries are his specialty. Golden handshakes are a specialty too. Still waiting for his explanation of the racial allegations at that two bob footy carnival.

9. Quote of the week: "FIFA is not corrupt" (Sepp Blatter). He is as popular as an invitation to an Ibrahim family BBQ.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Wrap - A Rea of Warnie

1. ManU. Dancing on the spot seems to be the domain of soccer premiers and winners. Why? In F1 it is spraying the champers, in Indian cricket it is the oversized cheque and fifty fat blokes on the stage, in NFL it is the emptying of the gatorade on the coaches head, in the Aust Open you jump in the Yarra, in the AFL some kid puts the medal around your neck, in the FA Cup you walk up into the grandstand to shake hands and get the trophy, the open top bus is the European soccer, in Australia you get a ticker tape parade...

2. Well a punter's nightmare: Losses over the weekend to Broncos, Storm (almost the Saints), Roosters, Collingwood, Crusaders...even the Brumbies and Eels lost. Who would have thought?


3. The Eels were appalling. Up by 16 points and then let in 30 unanswered points. Pre season we heard that there was a new commitment, a new unity, a Storm-like solidarity, doing for each other....yada, yada....basically nothing has changed and in fact they have gotten worse. Daniel Anderson must be sitting there with a wry smile on the dial.


And blow me down with a minor human gaseous explosion, cover me with honey and tie me to a ants nest...they are looking to sign Ben Roberts!!!!!!!!! Another galoot. Only Willie Mason and Sonny Bill Williams to go....and Todd Carney. Reni Matieu comes back on Friday. That culture of togetherness and awe, wonder and pleasure must be strengthening. Chris Walker is setting them on fire.

Also, the taxi fares must be killing the club's salary cap. None of them have driver's licences due to DUI offences, disqualifications, etc.

2. Tony Rea. Great spray of the players, the club, the lot. Bad look when he is on the outer too (not good for a career in coaching anywhere). Giteau is going and so is Tony. Can't remember him being a massive legend who put in all the time either.

3. Stoke City v Man City. Man City too strong, but Stoke were respectable. Not many teams win premierships with vertical striped jumpers. Who was the last?

4. Warnie. Is it true that no matter what Warnie does he is forgiven by the Australian public? Pete tells a yarn from Damien Fleming who was summonsed by Steve Waugh to have a chat to a quiet Warnie in the dressing sheds before a Test when he'd just broken up with the wife. Fleming approached him and looked to console him when Warnie said "Do you reckon when I flick the ball from the fourth finger, it spins more vigorously? I've been trying to work it out". Zero distractions.

6. AFL. Collywobbles...surely not. Suddenly an open competition emerges. Hawthorn looking better. Essendon going well. St Kilda and Dogs....slipping. Swans and Eagles steady but will not be there when the whips are cracking.

7. Casey Stoner getting back on track. Best sort wife in world sport in some eyes. Jimmy Anderson in the GF.

8. Black Caviar. Phenomenal. The pin will no doubt be pulled soon for overseas work - or rooting work.

9. Question of the week....is the mum in the Tooheys Advert work more than two cases?

Sunday, May 8, 2011

The Wrap - The Real Steal

1. NRL. Australia's Test win was a strong performance. Lockyer will be an immortal one day (saving a drug revelation). He is a cut above. Slater too and probably Smith. We are living in extraordinary times.

Surely though at some stage we need to get away from this ridiculous split round nonsense. The NRL loses all momentum and no one quite cares about it when we have a weekend of Gold Coast-Warriors-Brisbane-Melbourne-Nth QLD-Raiders playing. It bores everyone to tears.

City v Country. Is this concept dead? Always seems to be a dour and bleak affair. Usually brings upon blokes wanting to fall asleep after ten minutes.

Sharks circling around Furner in Canberra.

2. AFL. The final quarter of the Gold Coast Suns v Brisbane was an incredible game. The passion and the spirit of the Suns after last week's shellacking was extraordinary.

Richmond - West Coast - Melbourne and Essendon are all showing amazing transformational signs. In good time. However Collingwood are unbeatable (maybe Geelong could threaten this week) and on fire. Great to see the disappointing and perpetual losers in Richmond - 'the Parramatta' of the AFL - performing.

3. Boxing. Manny Pacquiao beat Shane Mosely to make him possibly the best boxer since Sugar Ray Leonard. Dominant.

The Daniel Geale IBF victory was as popular as Osama Bin Laden's leftover wives. The boos told a familiar story in boxing. No knockout victory = no 'real' victory. Pretty amazing to go over there and come back with a victory.

4. Golf. The death of the great Seve was unfortunate across the weekend. Was always a stunning presence in the tight woolen jumper and mop of black hair. Surprising not to see the Great White Goose not commenting on this as a key rival all those years ago. Probably stitching up another divorce settlement. Seems to comment on everything else.

5. Tahs win again in unspectacular circumstances, but hard to argue with yet another victory. How did they win the first couple of games by so many!!? May be an open Super Rugby competition this year. Sounds like Danny Cipriani wins the 'biggest fool of the season' award. Stealing grog from behind a niteclub bar...out on the drink constantly, defying his well respected coach and sacked from the Rebels team...pommy galoot.

6. ManU and Chelsea showdown. The class of ManU will be hard to toss. Chelsea if successful could have made the most striking comeback in years. Either way the coach - Ancillotti - will be gone in a few weeks.

7. Can't wait for another Todd Carney chapter. Hope the poor bastard can hold it together. Unfortunately there will be some amazing bonuses for those photographers who can catch him with a beer bottle in hand. The NRL are weak. When is the damn commission coming? Probably just after the next TV rights deal are botched...

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Wrap - Second Chance Heaven

1. QLD Reds are increasingly impressive. Too good in defence. At times you get the feeling that 15 players on the field is too many. For most Super Rugby teams it is too few. Tahs don't seem to learn. Phil Waugh delighted at being replaced at a key moment in the game. What an insult! Gotta love those refs looking for a penalty when they get a bit tired. Crowds like last night deserve a medal. Packing and re-packing scrums is another highlight of the code. Iron them out or free to air television (= growth in the code's size and coffers) will never occur.

2. League/ NRL. Matt Elliott will be the first coach sacked for mine. Lang will be the first to have a heart attack. Don't you love the 'Open Letter' to fans from coaches (this time an increasingly desperate Steve Kearney at Parramatta). It is the last straw. Not many such letters from Wayne Bennett. Broncos are outstanding at present. Storm and Dragons well ahead and maybe Manly and the rest can eat grass.

Unfortunately, all Easter/ Bunny lines were retired this weekend with the lame, diseased efforts of the Rabbitohs.

3. Just when you thought the recruitment at Parramatta could not possibly get worse, along comes a weighty offer for Chris Sandow. Genius and dunce in the same game repeatedly. Just what they need along side of Webb (biffer and aged boxer), Chris Walker (reformed alco and known goose), Paul Whataruia (went the knuckle on two innocent blokes who walked past him and was put in a British mental hospital), Reni Matiau (drug cheat rebound), Chris Hicks (re-tread), young Murray (TAB prime suspect in the betting sting) and on it goes....Just need Willie Mason in the place now. Second and Third Chances....

4. Gold Coast Suns. Well, well, well...who would have thought that the one week wonder effort of Port Adelaide would vanish so fast (cost us a multi too). The Suns have some special youngsters, but Port are a joke now. Maybe the precious Melbourne press might support Ablett now. Class is permanent as they say.

5. Sam Stosur. Just when we saw her beat Vera (loving that name) Zvonareva in the semis in Stuttgart in a tie breaker, she loses yet another three set match to a little known German and does not make the finals. She is the new underachiever in pressure moments on our world stage. Tough yes, but she is a perennial three set loser.

6. IPL. Has anyone seen any footage? It seems like a closed shop for IPL TV coverage these days. Dave Warner, Shaun Marsh and Gilchrist are killing them daily. Even Cameron White got 20 runs the other day.

7. Arsenal are the classic soft English football team. A smell of the championship, butt hey will fall over. No ruthlessness. Compare them to Jose Mourinho's Real Madrid team which beat the unbeatable Barcelona - and then dropped the cup under the team bus. Love it. 'The Special One' will be going all out to kill off Barcelona again mid week.

8. Lamenting the retirement of The Edge in WWE wrestling. Big news in that end of town.

Wrap - Eddie Mania

Boys,

1. Aussie League Team. Predictable and strong, but why do they lose so regularly? NZ will serve it up to them big time. No Jarryd Hayne was deserved. Not enough Saints players for mine. Saints may as well take the premiership trophy now. However, Ben Creagh needs a big one. He is a perennial underachiever on the big stage (sacked from Origin twice). Too many NSW blokes are in it for mine when QLD have lapped us for years.

2. Imagine playing cricket as a youngster - or as an International - against Sehwag. You would be in for a shellacking! Outside of Tendulkar, he is the best in the world for mine. He changes games and regularly produces first rate results. He eats IPL bowling for breakfast.

3. How good is this Fitzgibbons girl as a surfer?Another win. Seems to be a fair dinkum factory production line of top class surfers.

4. With Matt Elliot gone, David Furner at Canberra must be warming as the next to go. Canberra are a rabble. How does Ricky Stuart sound back at Canberra? Or Mal Meninga?

5. Port Adelaide must feel worse this week after losing to the Gold Coast Bums. Essendon put 100 on them in one quarter! Saw Alan Tongue biffing a Port player too from the crowd.

6. Reds. A disappointing loss. Force almost surprised and typical Waratahs 'winning ugly' v Rebels. Unfortunately the Brumbies look to have lost the services of the former GREAT league player and union expert, Tony Rea. Les Kiss and John Muggleton have met a similar fate.

7. Talk of Eddie Jones returning to coach Australia (ahead of Ewan McKenzie?) brings a shudder - and the suggestions of Foley replacing Hickey at the Tahs is enough to bring our very own Eddie Harris back home from South East Asia for a get square! What was the story Ed with Foley from your time at the Reds?

8. AFL. Carlton and Essendon the big improvers. Richmond waking up and Collingwood unbeatable!

9. Get a look at this bloke. Tottenham keeper - GOMEZ. Fair dinkum looks like part of the Adaams Family. He is the worst keeper ever to play the game in Premier League history. He again let one through his legs v Chelsea for a loss that would make anyone cringe. He has done it THREE times in the last two months. Pathetic. Yet Rednapp keeps him...um...?

10. How about Morinhou saying that Barcelona are favoured by referees and remain unbeatable because of the favouritism of refs! Could be banned for a long time....